Me too with the lips, or the nose, the forehead, but eyes convey a lot more information to an aspie.
I do have a problem understanding people, so watching their lips helps hearing, processing.
I had a big problem with the eye thing, NTs are weird about it. I am 60, I can be working a computer, or anything else, and someone comes behind me and says Unahh, or something else clever. I say Yes? and they repeat themselves. So I stop what I am doing, turn my chair around, face them look at their lips, and they say something like, What about them dogs? I say, a wonderful species, man's best friend, and turn back to the keyboard. Then starts the Uhhnna stuff again, till I stop again, turn, and it seems they want to tell me about a sport involving a ball. By the time we have been through this three times I say, Is this work related? and they get all upset and leave.
I will tell you about the eye thing, I want to know about Unahua, or Unahh, or whatever it is, and why you cannot speak to someone from behind or the side while they are working, and you interupting, but insist they stop and pay visual attention to you.
This brings up problem two, I know you want to be looked at, you crave it, and I think demanding it of small children is weird. My mother did the anger thing, you look at me while I am insulting and demeaning you, then she said, don't look at me that way, and turned violent. The same happened with my teachers.
Aspies are known for a blank stare, some have said we look dead. So how can you not like the way I look at you? Please explain, there are 10,000 here that would really like to know what is it you see when we look at you? Considering this happens most often with mothers and teachers, I would hope it is not a sexual thing.
You demand eye contact, and when we comply, you go nuts on us. We never win this one, and it leaves lifetime bad feelings. Many here report being tortured for years over it. What is interesting is some of the younger who say, I never made eye contact till I was fifteen, then I just started doing it. Never a problem.
Eye contact problem two, most of us were bullied, besides parents and teachers, other students. I had found eye contact was very upsetting to some of my teachers, others were cool with it, they did not demand, and when we did make momentary eye contact, both quickly looked away. It was all we needed, a single flash of data. I used my best aspie stare on bullies, and scared them. One of my teachers considered having me look at her all during class the high point of her career. Whenever she looked, I was looking right in her eyes. I was told to.
When she took me to the Principal she said she did not want me in her class because she did not like the way I looked at her. The Principal asked questions, was I making noise, did I do my work, how were my grades, homework, and did I follow instruction. It seemed I did everything, she just did not like me looking at her. He asked my why I did, I told him because she told me to. I was out, and she had a nervous breakdown and went to a mental hospital. About half the teachers did not want me in their class.
Since then I have perfected a soul stealing look. I think it was because it was forced early. Dogs, children, and maybe half of adults I have no problem with, the other half, I induce terror.
So much for out directed, the beams that seem to destroy. The other is content gathering, we miss social cues, small talk, body language, but looking in your eyes I can read your deepest secrets. After years of practice I know where the hidden stuff is. I think this has something to do with the ,"Don't look at me that way!" I know where the fears are kept locked up, and can open the door. that is what happened to my teacher, she said look at me, I mistook it for in me, and I was in her head all class every day.
I know how it sounds, but there are many here who reeport the same. Others report seeing colors about materials, or machines, and can tell if a device is properly adjusted by the color of the field. I worked in dark rooms, film processing, total dark, and I can see there. There is more than just social eye contact.
Forced it becomes a lifetime problem, fixed, unchangable. Ignored they grow out of it about fifteen, then can make normal eye contact most of the time. Half measures do work, explain to you child how adults have a need to be looked at, but not in the eyes, just about the face. This is important, if I look at your cheekbones, everyone is fairly happy, looking two inches higher can cause massive problems.
From the kid's point of view, he is being told to look in peoples eyes, and when he does he sees an adult level of fear, other emotions. We can gather mass data from eyes, which is a bit much for a child. If looks could kill, is an old saying. It is best to avoid it, and easy for children who can count nose hairs and seem to be connecting.
Aspies are very honest, but if you tell him as his mother that it is alright to watch lips, count nose hairs, he will do it. Then it is a fun game you are both in on. Games are not stressful, and getting over on the world is something he must learn. You cannot turn us into non-aspies, trying leads to producing mythical monsters like me. Count Dracula has a stare like mine.
There is a KBABZ here, NZ, 16, fullblown aspie and proud of it, his name is Tim, life works for him, everyone thinks him a great guy, and he is kind and most helpful. He is very active, has pictures on the pic thread, and is a model of what Daniel can become. He is culturally much closer to you.
Us Dinos survived, then came the Psychobabble era, then the pill pushers, and now the world is changing to accept us. The current crop seems to blend into the world at twenty. They might need some extra help with their school work, but that is about it. AS was never a problem, just people who thought they should fix it.
Tell Daniel the truth, that your great grand father was a Dragon, so you are different from other people, but they should not find out. That is why he has to cover for the nest. If the neighbors ever found out you might have to breath fire.
Magnetex are way cool!
So are you Mum!
02 Apr 2007, 6:01 am
