Aspergirls, do guys approach you?

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Okay, see I was basing it on a guy approaching without the woman having to do anything. The example I recalled in the original post was a boy walking up to talk to me, whom I hadn't even noticed until that point, and hitting on me. So I was guessing that that might have happened to me a small handful of other times in my life but I can't think of any (apart from in clubs etc. where alcohol is involved).

I'm fairly confident with flirting, when I choose to do it. That takes effort on my part, though, which I think is different to "all you have to do is be female and guys will approach you", as though every woman gets hassled by guys just coming up to them, unwarranted, on a regular basis, and then we can just pick and choose between them as we please. This is not at all my experience of being a woman.

So, it's completely possible I've been sending the wrong body language signals the entire time? Hah, and here I thought it was all about smiling and pretending the guy is funny even when he's really not. Thanks for the awesome resource!


I wonder if they've been watching the street harassment videos that have been trending lately? It's unwanted attention, but I suppose to people who are desperate enough to be jealous of such a thing, it does kind of look like women don't have to do anything and get harassment attention for it.

++ The grass is always greener on the other side and the internet is the land of sweeping generalizations.

I don't flirt. Never have, except for with one person and that was unintentional. (Didn't even know until then that I *could* flirt!)

I understood the "approach" to be the initial contact. Which, for me, has always been the guy. He gave the initial look and initiated the conversation. Any part in it that I did have was a response to the initial look. But, still, this was just a response not an initiation. I may not have always known I was giving a response.

I've never had hoards of men looking at me or approaching me. It happens from time to time. When I was younger, I wasn't getting asked out left-and-right. I took the original question to be "do guys approach you?" And, my answer is yes. I didn't have to hunt down a guy to get a relationship. That didn't mean that I was able to pick-and-choose from a number of guys, it just meant that I didn't have to approach. It also doesn't mean that I didn't go for a time without guys wanting to have a relationship with me, only that all my relationships started because a guy approached me.

Maybe it happens more often for me than for other women. In my original response, I talked about how I've always had guy friends from a very young age and was a tomboy growing up. I'm more relaxed around guys than around other women. My guess is that I am doing something in my body language (don't know what - haven't really analyzed) that is communicating that I am easy to approach.

Again, that website is very helpful. http://www.bodylanguageproject.com

I'll hop on and see if I can figure out if I am doing anything that says "come talk to me, guys!"

If noöne at all flirted with you, perhaps the conclusion that you're ugly might be right (not that I'd make such a claim, mind you), but, if only drunk people do it, it looks to me more like a lot of guys would like to approach you, but, when they're sober, you manage to scare them off. Only when drunk do they ignore the signs that they're not welcome.

Wanna go out with me on a date?




I think I like you but not so sure, wanna go for a date so I can confirm on that?




I really want to date you! Pick the time and the place!



SEE??? You girls have it so easy! Three of you just got asked out.

I think generally men tend to approach women more then vise versa. I also think that infuriates a lot off men on here because they take that as "ohh they got it so easy". What they don't realize is how hard going on dates can be.

It's the most daunting social task there is, and it takes a lot of you. They act like just because guys will give them a chance that everything is just a breeze for them and I highly doubt that's the case. No one has it easy dating as an aspie...

I just remembered a second occasion when a guy did approach me. It was an American guy who worked at LAX, and I was hanging around the airport terminal. Not sure if that is at all indicative of American men being more forward than Australian men...

In france, the concept of a date doesn't even exist ! I don't think there's even a word for it. Well, maybe "rencard" but no one ever uses it. We hang out with that special person in groups or alone. We're supposed to GUESS what's a date or not and wait and never express any interest with actual words until something naturally "happens". It's infuriating. I think "dates" are cool

Don't you call dating sites "sites de rencontres"?

Yes, but no one would call a date a "rencontre".

Here sometimes we use 'rencontre amoureuse', but often with a sarcastic tone.

I think the whole date concept is a new one, it was only in movies before, most relationships in the past (and even in present) were developed through friendships, acquaintances, family...etc.

it is the online dating sites that made the concept of date a reality.

In Western and westernized areas (like Istanbul), clubs and bars' main purposes are for 1) drinks and...2) socialization and in particular mating, it is a cultural and social ritual to do this there; It is certainly not to be done the libraries and public parks.

So you are excluding them, then you come here claiming that you rarely get approached?

ie. "Apart from the 10000 times I got approached in clubs and bars, I rarely get approached!"

Lol I don't really think so, people were dating before the internet to. One would ask the other out and that's it.

Not between two strangers; it was something often progressed from friendship.

But "a guy asks out a girl he barely knowns (face to face)"- it is something happen mostly in movies.

Not between two strangers; it was something often progressed from friendship.

But "a guy asks out a girl he barely knowns (face to face)"- it is something happen mostly in movies.[/quote]
Actually a guy asked for my phone number on the train, some years ago. Why do you say that it mostly happens(ed) in movies? Also some people today just add the other on FB and they ask them out after a while, I think. It's not very different.

Yes, that's right. I'm specifically referring to the sentiment of "all a woman has to do is exist and men will approach her". This may be somewhat true in certain context, such as bar and clubs. But to say that it is just true no matter what, so even a woman who never goes to bars would be approached just by walking down the street, that's the part I find interesting because it almost never happens to me, and I am a woman.

So far I can think of two occasions when it has happened to me (only one in my country). And two occasions when I approached a guy. I was rejected on both of those occasions. So I've never seen it as a very successful method, and it's curious that apparently men use this method on women all the time.