Not disclosing because you doubt your diagnosis

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One big reason I don't disclose my diagnosis I because I'm doubting it. Even if it is accurate for me, it hasn't been a useful way to define me. If someone finds out about my diagnosis through another source I'll just tell them I was doubting it and I'm against labels.

I'm actually obsessed with labels, but saying I'm against labels just covers so many things. I can say that when people ask about autism, my sexual orientation or ethnicity.

It's your diagnosis, you can do what you like with it, use it in the way that helps you best. If that means choosing not to disclose then that's okay.

As said above you can do or not what you want with the diagnosis.

I shy away from addressing any of my quirks because I have my insecurities of feeling like a burden. I want to some feel of independence due to my stubbornness.

Well, and when you tell someone that you are [whatever]...they might have a preconceived notion of [whatever] that doesn't fit you at all. So when you're trying to describe yourself or give them information, you've accidentally led them astray.

Autism for women seems to be very different than autism for men. Personally I need to do further reading about it, and I would recommend any woman on the spectrum do the same. Specifically, the stuff about eye contact, touching, talking to people seems to be different. It seems like it's easy for autistic women to pick up on what other people are feeling and can accidentally copy their friends or colleagues so that the other people think they are exactly alike.

Again, I need to do further reading. These are just things I have heard directly from autistic women. They don't match at all what I have heard autistic men say.

I read somewhere that most high-functioning Aspie men come across as more "geeky", where as most high-functioning women come across as more eccentric. I find it hard to detect other female Aspies, that Aspie men are easy for me to detect. When I meet an Aspie woman, I ask myself, "is she Bipolar? Or highly anxious maybe? Or perhaps just ADD. Or she might just be a quirky NT. With social anxiety as well."

Not because I doubt it, but rather, because others do. I "cover" very, very well...at least up to a certain point. I generally get that "that was weird" or "is there something wrong with you?" look at a certain point with ANYBODY I spend a significant amount of time with, but I'm 99.9% certain they'd never guess it was ASD, simply because I come off as so social. It's a concerted and concentrated effort that I've included in every one of my interactions with any other human being for the past nearly 40 years now.

I go out of my way to appear social to the point that I'm the one who will walk up to others at parties (as much as I hate it! Ugh, hate parties, they're so loud and confusing) and I'm often the one to sniff out the person who's uncomfortable and shy and start a gentle conversation with him/her to make him/her feel less uncomfortable.

I brought up at my son's IEP once about my own condition and was met with shock and disbelief (though I'm not absolutely certain that wasn't overplayed in an effort to make me feel better somehow, much like people will say to someone who discloses her age, "You're kidding, I'd have guessed you were 30 at the most!").

The problem is, the comparatively rare times I've disclosed, the person has wanted a full explanation, and I don't always feel like giving it. That's personal. It also feels like I'm "defending" my position, which I don't think I'm actually required to do, so to heck with that.

I'm in a similar boat. I'm not the kind of person who likes to keep stuff like this private, but I keep it secret because I'm only self-diagnosed.

I was about to reply almost exactly the same things as NowhereWoman's reply, especially "Not because I doubt it, but because others do." And for the same reasons as she states -- because I mask a lot even though I probably don't do it well enough to avoid those occasional reactions from people where I know they're thinking I'm a bit weird every other five minutes, while seeming "normal" most of the time, outwardly.

The problem is, the comparatively rare times I've disclosed, the person has wanted a full explanation, and I don't always feel like giving it. That's personal. It also feels like I'm "defending" my position, which I don't think I'm actually required to do, so to heck with that.