Why do girls stop talking to me on Tinder? Wtf?!

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darkphantomx1
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04 Oct 2015, 8:01 pm

A month ago, I decided to get Tinder because everyone else my age was using it and was like what the heck i'll give it a go.

So anyways I got some matches from pretty girls and proceeded to message them but they all ghosted me, I don't know why. It's very frustrating, what the heck am I possibly doing wrong? I really have no idea what i'm saying that would be considered bad.

Here I will give you 3 conversations I had with women on this app.


Girl #1

Me: Hey

Her: Hi =)

Me: What's your favorite pokemon? Mine is Charizard!

Her: Shellder because it reminds me of my vagina

Me: How could you like Shellder? It's base stats are crap, it's move set is crap, half of the pokemon in the OU tier is super effective against it.


She never replied back...



Girl #2.

She messaged me first... My bio says music music music in it.


Her: What kind of music music music do you like?

Me: I have a passion for bluegrass screamo. Basically it's bluegrass but instead of singing, you're screaming. I want to start my own bluegrass screamo band. What about you?


She never replied back either...





Girl #3.

Her: Hey you are cute

Me: Thanks, you too.

Her: I know this is sudden but do you want to hangout?

Me: Sure let me take you to mcdonalds and buy you a happy meal.


She never replied back...



Wtf?! Why do women hate me so much ='( All I want is love and affection but girls have to hate me for whatever reason.

What am I possibly doing wrong?



moirakelly
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04 Oct 2015, 8:21 pm

My take on what you did wrong:

Girl 1. Insulted her taste/intelligence by telling her why you think her fave Pokemon is stupid.

Girl 2. Overkill. A better response would've been "Bluegrass. You?".

Girl 3. Too forward, too fast. Maybe exchange a few more texts, establish a rapport before you suggest meeting up.

Just because you've exchanged one or two messages doesn't mean the girl 100% wants to hook up with you. You might also wanna lose the desperation.



Rudin
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04 Oct 2015, 8:24 pm

I don't think they hate you (then again, what do I know about emotions).

With the first girl, she may have been a little turned off when you said "How could you like Shellder?". Also, you know why, she told you. It reminds her of her genitals. It probably had nothing to do with base stats. She also could have been just messing around with you. I don't know, my multiple-interpretations skills are somewhat limited.

With the last one. I think she may have been turned off when you suggested you get her a happy meal. Perhaps just suggest going to McDonalds next time or maybe she doesn't like McDonalds or had something else in mind. She may have thought you were childish.

The second one may have not liked the style of music you like and left. Also bluegrass scream sounds sort of frightening in my opinion.


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Rudin
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04 Oct 2015, 8:28 pm

moirakelly wrote:
My take on what you did wrong:

Girl 1. Insulted her taste/intelligence by telling her why you think her fave Pokemon is stupid.

Girl 2. Overkill. A better response would've been "Bluegrass. You?".

Girl 3. Too forward, too fast. Maybe exchange a few more texts, establish a rapport before you suggest meeting up.

Just because you've exchanged one or two messages doesn't mean the girl 100% wants to hook up with you. You might also wanna lose the desperation.


Girl 1:How did he insult her intelligence?

Girl 2: I don't think so. I just think she may have different tastes.

Girl 3: Oh, I never considered that. Yes I agree, not for social non-sense reasons, for safety reason. The people you meet on Tinder could be a serial killer for all you know, take proper procautions. Also, she is the one that suggested they hang out, not him.


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Earthling
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04 Oct 2015, 9:39 pm

I lol'd. :lol: The sad thing is I would probably make similar "mistakes" too. :P
I'm still not sure if you're just kidding or serious. :lol:

Anyway, my view (with very limited capacities to understand social):
Girl 1: I noticed =) smiley, which seems like good sign for just "hey".
So you brought up Pokemon, which is often considered kids' stuff in popular worldview. But OK, go with it.
You said Charizard is your fave, which is normal for many adults, it's a completely stereotypical choice of people who were kinds in the 90s.
She probably thought you're joking around, mentioning Pokemon.
So she maybe wanted to push the conversation back into hookup territory with her provacative response. I don't think it's standard behavior to mention private parts to a stranger this quickly, or she wanted to say she's looking for sex. Maybe she was already getting pissed off with you just for mentioning Pokemon, that's another explanation for this response, maybe she didn't even intend to reply after this.
But then you "went mad" by taking her seriously and talking self-centered "nerd" stats, I'm pretty sure that would have killed the conversation if the other stuff hasn't already. I'm not sure how to NT-gracefully continue the conversation from there.
If she had said something positive about shellder if she was a fan maybe she would have felt bad for you saying it's a crap poke... but I'm pretty sure she didn't care about it anyways.

Girl 2: Maybe she was turned off by you wanting to scream...... :lol: Maybe she expected you to name some well-known bands' names... I dunno, this doesn't sound like a well-known genre and kinda made up lol, maybe she thought there wasn't any common ground or you're messing with her. Or she thought the screaming part was weird. Definitely wouldn't have mentioned the screaming like that. Maybe the best thing to respond to "music music music" is "[insert genre type X][insert genre type X][insert genre type X] :-)"... who knows...

Girl 3: Is it normal to want to meet up this fast? It's kinda creepy IMO.
If this is acceptable, don't mention McD as a dating location. I know I too am prone to think McD first thing when thinking about restaurants, but well, there are much better suggestions you can make like... meet at a public park or cafe.
"Sure let me take you to mcdonalds and buy you a happy meal. " wording is just completely ridiculous lol, happy meals are meant for kids and the wording... I hope somebody else will explain this cause I don't have the ability to describe how this sounds.

I think these girls were interested but they didn't like what you said.
IMO lot of talk is about how you present the words, like you can maybe get into Pokemon if you don't smash it at someone instantly but rather subtly inject it into the conversation... but it's not a "socially appropriate" thing to just casually talk about with strangers I think.



moirakelly
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04 Oct 2015, 9:42 pm

Rudin wrote:
moirakelly wrote:
My take on what you did wrong:

Girl 1. Insulted her taste/intelligence by telling her why you think her fave Pokemon is stupid.

Girl 2. Overkill. A better response would've been "Bluegrass. You?".

Girl 3. Too forward, too fast. Maybe exchange a few more texts, establish a rapport before you suggest meeting up.

Just because you've exchanged one or two messages doesn't mean the girl 100% wants to hook up with you. You might also wanna lose the desperation.


Girl 1:How did he insult her intelligence?

Girl 2: I don't think so. I just think she may have different tastes.

Girl 3: Oh, I never considered that. Yes I agree, not for social non-sense reasons, for safety reason. The people you meet on Tinder could be a serial killer for all you know, take proper procautions. Also, she is the one that suggested they hang out, not him.



Girl 1: By rattling off a list of reasons her fave Pokemon was inferior, rather than accepting her fave Pokemon as a personal preference.

Girl 3: Anyone you meet online could be s potential serial killer. Getting a bit more info, so that if you go missing after the hookup, your friends/family will have some leads on where to look for your corpse.



Barchan
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04 Oct 2015, 10:03 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Me: I have a passion for bluegrass screamo. Basically it's bluegrass but instead of singing, you're screaming. I want to start my own bluegrass screamo band. What about you?


I'm not gonna lie, that sounds amazing. Can you post some examples? Bands, songs, etc.?



goldfish21
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04 Oct 2015, 10:26 pm

Perfect exampled of aspie cluelessness. Seriously. Literally. I don't mean to be insulting or offensive. I'll try to be as constructive as I can in my reply vs. critical.

#1. My first thought was why in the F would you have asked her what her favourite pokemon was in the first place? Unless, perhaps, her profile referenced pokemon in some way.. then that'd be acceptable. But otherwise, I'd think a girl's reaction to that question would be "why is this nerd asking me about pokemon??" But, she replied with a pokemon response... which is a good thing - a very good thing - it means she knows wtf you're talking about, and she's potentially interested in you enough to reply to your question. Then you screwed it up.. she referenced her vagina because she wanted to talk dirty, not about pokemon. She wanted you to respond about her vag and get into some sort of hot & steamy conversation. Instead you pulled a total Sheldon and missed the queue to talk about sexual things and criticized her choice of pokemon, albeit logically so. Her reaction was probably "What a clueless jerk. I'm sitting over here horny and wet wanting to talk dirty with a guy and he's going on about pokegeek crap while tearing apart my pokemon selection when I only referenced that pokething because I wanted to shift gears into talking dirty about my box in the first place.. F this guy, NEXT!" Seriously, that's pretty much how it played out.

#2. Bluegrass Screamo is an extremely obscure genre. Chances are she was turned off by the idea of some fringe "freak" screaming. Very VERY few girls are going to be into screamo anything. You'd be better off using different adjectives to describe your tastes if you still want to be honest about your musical preferences and ambitions. Instead of Bluegrass Screamo, I'd marketing buzzword it up a little bit by calling it "High energy modern bluegrass" or something to that effect. It's not so.. polarizing. It leaves a little more up to the imagination vs. them picturing some screaming dark sinister gothic looking rocker guy - which isn't exactly a turn-on for most girls, I'd imagine. Only a select few would be attracted to such a niche. Rather than scare them away, be a little more vague with a description like I suggested and then once you meet them in person and get to know them a little if they ask about your taste in music you can expose them to a little something different and they might actually respond positively to it live in person.. but you kill your chances of ever having that opportunity when you tell them that you're into bluegrass screamo and they automatically jump to conclusions that it, and you, are weird.

#3. If you had said something equally as low cost but a little classier sounding you'd have had a date. ie "Sure, let's grab a coffee down by the beach." Instead you specifically referenced MdDonald's and a Happy Meal - notoriously cheap, low grade, unhealthy food. Not to mention the fact that a Happy Meal is meant for children and she likely took offence to that, too, as if you're calling her a child, or your child, or calling her immature. Then there's the low cost/cheap factor, which makes you seem cheap and/or poor while at the same time rating her worth as being that of a McDonald's Happy Meal while all girls want to feel like they're worthy of being taken out for a fine dining experience. If you're not interested in, cannot afford or cannot justify a $$$ restaurant date and are on a low dough/frugal budget, be slick about it and suggest you "go for a coffee down by the beach." It's a nice natural and potentially romantic setting, common & acceptable form of food/drink that "adults" do vs. children, something that crosses all socioeconomic and income ranges.. and still leaves a bit of mystery as to your income and net worth. The cost may actually be LOWER than a McDonald's Happy Meal, but the perceived value of it is infinitely more positive.


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SilverStar
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04 Oct 2015, 11:15 pm

Did you seriously reply to them like that, or are you just messin' with us? :wink:



MrBackward
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04 Oct 2015, 11:32 pm

Hey there,

My Opinion:
Girl 1: She was flirting, you weren't. She mentioned her vagina and you completely ignored it instead deciding to delve into facts. That was not what this conversation was about.

Girl 2: She was after someone quick and easy, she prob contacted a bunch of guys saying something similar and one of them would have said something that hinted at them being close by. If she contacted you she is after someone accessible with a bit of mystery about them. You did not not portray this.

Girl 3: She contacted you, she was after a quick hookup. A basic rule is that no woman wants to feel cheap or easy. I would suggest that she had a message from a guy that was hotter, demonstrated a higher value than you or was more accessible.

Overall: You need to work on flirting: that is, covertly suggesting sexual activity. Also you need to narrow down where she is and if she is dtf.
Girl 1: "Shelder was always too easy for me to catch but perhaps yours can offer more challenge. How about we meetup and discus the best way to have some fun?"

Girl 2: Don't know if there was much you could do about this one: "If I show you it will be more fun, how about I meet you at XXX and show you how a real man makes music?"

Girl 3: This is actually well handled, the only suggestion I can make is that you didn't ask a question: "Sure, how about I give you a happy meal then we can head back to my place and you can give me one. When are you free?

Bottom line: If she messages you first you need to move fast, she has done this before and you will have lots of competition. If you message her first you need to stand out from the 50 other messages she has received that day, establish that you are fun and move to meeting each other as quick as possible in all situations.

That being said, I don't believe tinder is the bast place to develop a LTR.

Best of luck,
Mr Backward


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yellowtamarin
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05 Oct 2015, 1:07 am

Girl #1: She wanted to talk dirty and you responded by insulting her vagina.
Girl #2: Too full-on probably, not small-talky enough.
Girl #3: Probably wanted to hook up, not go on a cute date. It's Tinder.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Oct 2015, 1:18 am

You trolled them all, trolling is in your blood :lol:.



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05 Oct 2015, 4:03 am

1. You insulted her intelligence.
2. No idea. I laughed at that one.
3. It might have been too soon. McDonald's also seems cheap to girls.


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1df5e76
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05 Oct 2015, 4:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You trolled them all, trolling is in your blood :lol:.

QFT

And seriously, McDonald's? Who wants to go there for a date (or any other reason for that matter)?



Peacesells
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05 Oct 2015, 5:38 am

As you see some guys say stuff like "women are evil, they hate me, they ditch me for no reason, etc etc" but it's their own fault in the end.