Good Article about being Aspie in college dorms

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I sincerely believe that dorms are a bad place for aspies... it's too communal, no privacy... very negative. I lived in dorms for 5 years including 3 years of boarding school. I finally got an apt for my last 2 years of college.

I didn't have any problems in the dorm except for my first roommate who woke up happy and tried to sing to me. By my second semester, I found a roommate who was only interested in getting her MRS degree. She loved to take care of me and she was pretty quiet. Her mom was Schizophrenic so she thought I was pretty normal and I suppose I gave her practice for her future desired kids. She always told me when it was time to eat, to go to class, etc. Otherwise, I'd probably still be sitting in my dorm room writing. The second year, my best friend moved next door to me and we hung out and wrote togehter.

My dorm was small and co-ed. They were all pretty close. We used to go to clubs in packs which was good for me because I had problems reading people, especially men. I actually always felt secure in my dorm and liked it. That building was old and very interesting.

It's true. There's no point in really coming out unless you don't care what other people think anymore. If you plan on making friends with NTs, the only way is to shut your mouth and act like them. They won't accept differences, and they won't take any sort of excuses or explanations into consideration. If you're at all different, you've already lost.

However, the best thing is that most NTs are far too afraid to hurt someone's feelings, so you'll never know about their hatred of you until someone "considerate" comes along and lets you know the real score. So, in my opinion, if they';re so willing to pretend to like you, then why should you worry how they really feel? If all they want you to see is the mask, I don't think you need to see the face underneath (unless you live with them, then that's another story).

I haven't had those big problems with NTs. They think I'm an eccentric, private, shy, artsy type and perhaps overly naive. That's what the well meaning ones have told me as well. If you can pass in high school, you'll be fine in college. What about a private room? Have you ever thought about that? Do you currently have siblings? If you do, it's easier to adjust to dorm life because you're already used to sharing space and having to accomodate to other people's personalities somewhat.

And I don't agree that you have to be like NTs to get along with them or be liked by them. There are plenty of weird NTs running around. The best thing you can do in college is get in with the crowd that is interested in the same things as you are. It's a great place to meet people who want to talk about specialized things unlike high school where they only want to talk about themselves. Plus your professors will be more interested in whatever your interest is in. PhD's spend their whole lives obsessing over one speciality. That's their job. So meet the group that suits your interests and forget the rest. Unlike what people tell you (for whatever insane reason they currently do this) friends are not one size fits all even for NTs. NTs also have a few good friends and many aquaintances. It's normal. All people, including NTs, make friends with others because they share interests. It's not like you can just insert person A here and they will automatically be a friend for an NT. That's ridiculous and whoever told you that is full of crap. I hate to be so blunt but I am sick of seeing this nonsense being told to you in order to further their cookie cutter kid agenda. It's a fiction they made up in order to try to make you into the perfect kid. Discard it. That thinking is not only baseless, it's a fabrication of their Psychobabble heads. It has nothing to do with real life.

We really need to hold these people down and shove drugs down their throats to shut them up.

I think it's a little different for female aspies. We can sort of hide our AS by attributing our behavior to shyness or just being that "quiet girl". We don't come off as threatening as men because people think we're just a little strange, but harmless.

While I was still living with my mother, I shared a room in a little apartment with my 7 and 12 year-old siblings who basically destroyed any of my belongings, misbehaved and never cleaned up after themselves. So to save my sanity, I moved on campus, if only for one semester, before I had enough money for my own apartment. And let me tell you, it was the best decision I ever made.

Sharing a room with another adult (whom I suspect may have been on the spectrum herself) that cleaned up after herself and left my stuff alone was heaven. Plus I didn't have my mother around raging at me for god knows what. The others thought I was just quiet but nice. Plus with it being a women's dorm with mostly upperclassmen and athletes, I was around mature people.

I think I cried when it was time for me to leave at the end of the school year.

There are plenty of drunk, aggressive jock roommates in dorms who wreck everything in sight including their roommate's belongings. There are also plenty weird, moody NTs who look like they are probably the next one most likely to show up at class with a gun. I've worked with a few of them after they graduated. There are worse things than being an Aspie male in a college dorm. It's all in your perspective.

My experiences were very similar to Daniel Passantino's. I stayed the first year in Halls of Residence and quickly found I was out of my depth socialising while other students quickly formed groups. In my second year I did the done thing and shared a flat with three other students, but was kicked out after only three months because of personality clashes (though I was the one who had to leave), before moving to a house where there were 7 other students, but a little more independence and privacy. University was an unappealing experience for me, and it would be a long time yet before I was aware of my AS>

He was trying too hard. That's about all there is to it. Associating with NTs is easy. You see, they do this thing called "social banter." The aspie really shouldn't try to mimic this behavior as it manifests in others because the aspie, simply put, isn't an NT. The aspie should learn the specific social role he or she finds most suitable and comfortable. If you do not know how to act in a particular situation, carefully observe. Generally, if you're really nice, an NT worth hanging out with will take a both protective and respectful attitude toward you, recognizing both your social vulnerability and your areas of wisdom. You may even become the first person this NT turns to with a question about how to handle a relationship problem, of all things. Aspies need to find their own special place in society. Trying to mime neurotypicals is just going to cause stress and heartache.