Has anyone here ever dated another Aspie?

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This one made me laugh because you two are actually very similar to me and my NT husband.

I don't care at all about the house and wouldn't notice if it fell in around my ears. (I might move.) He is OCD so constantly cleaning and fussing at it. Has all these rules about it. Can only wash four things at the time or he thinks they aren't clean and are wrinkled. His whole closet is organized beyond belief (so is the linen closet and pantry).

I will eat the same thing over and over if I do remember to eat and find somewhere to get it that isn't a bother. He cooks and puts the food in front of me.

I don't have a good sense of smell, but usually if I can smell it, I don't like it. He likes perfume and cologne.

"We subscribe to dozens of magazines and think being in the same room while we're both reading to be one of the best ways to spend an evening (him: nonfiction, me: fiction). Wandering through old bookstores is a hot date. We read aloud to one another."

That one especially made me laugh. We read almost all the same types of literature (no magazines though) and we do exactly this. Wandering through old bookstores was a hot date for us and we do read aloud to each other and talk about books. He has to read them first though, because I write in them.

He goes to the grocery store (I can't stand it) and he is always dressed like GQ. I call him Mr. Perfect.


He doesn't like the mess of dogs or cats but we have both because I have my pets. He knows I like them so he just constantly grooms them and vacuums.

Mine won't talk on the phone which is fine because I hate the phone. We are both very quiet. We love to talk about our interests though.

I'm not the best with eye contact but he deals with it and I'm better with him than I am with anyone.

He is NT though, he just chooses to fulfill his NT socializing needs away from me because they tire me out so badly. I guess it all depends on their personality more than AS/NT.

I've always had trouble finding a girl who's happy to go out without me sometimes.

I do like to go out, but only to places that I'm comfortable with, 'cause being uncomfortable in a room VERY full of people is a definite recipe for panic attacks and severe feelings of social inadequacy.

My last girlfriend cited the fact that I don't dance or go to clubs where there's not much to do but dance as part of the reason we broke up, but she didn't understand that I wasn't just being lazy and not trying to make an effort to take an interest in her, I loved watching her dance, but the thought of dancing myself just scares the absolute CRAP out of me.

I'm lucky to feel comfortable at all in a club, let alone while dancing.

However with that said I've been known to bop around the loungeroom to David Bowie and on stage at my own gigs a little bit, lol.

Brundi,

An old boyfriend had to find my husband for me. I was a complete dolt at dating. I was much worse than you, trust me.

I think, from my own experience and seeing what worked with others, is that you have to find someone with many of the same interests and some different ones. The core needs to be similar though and you need to enjoy doing similar things. Even though my husband is NT and he can be very social, he has a very serious side and he can actually sit and read Calculus books for pleasure. That's highly unusual for an NT. Our first date was to a David Lynch film fest when he had only done Eraserhead and three short Claymation films. That's highly unusual, but it's one of the ways I knew he was right for me. We had many of the same books and they weren't the norm. He could go to clubs, but he could be just as comfortable in the old bookstore with me. I filled his intellectual needs. When he needed socialization, he played on sports teams and organized things at work. He didn't expect me to come along because he knew what a bad effect it had on me.

So, you have to look for someone enough like you but also strong enough to do things on their own to fulfill those other things. There are things I like to do on my own and when he goes off to do his social thing, I do my own thing at that time. We don't expect each other to fulfill all those needs. We met when we were 20 and 23, so we were young and in college. Most of the people we knew went to clubs. We would rarely do that.

My husband isn't the run of the mill NT (he's OCD for one thing) and I honestly do not think he could be with an NT with success. I think we just need a different sort of person than NTs. There are people who can get on with us, but they aren't on every street corner, they are rare and you need to look around and have your friends help you find them.

I'm not sure an Aspie is a guarantee. My best friend is almost certainly Aspie. She and I have been friends for 28 years. We get along great for the most part but when we disagree, watch out! We could never live together. Loving someone does not change those issues. You have to actually be able to live with a person in the end. You have to be compatible, not just in love. So when you look at people, look for things that are compatible with you, not opposite of you. You may envy those things and think you want them, but they put stress on the relationship and it only gets worse with time. Neither one of you ends up getting what you need. That doesn't make you or that person bad, it just is. There are all sorts of women in the world. You only need to find one who is compatible with you.

That is the best advice I can give you. I hope it helps.

Not knowingly at the time, but yes. I hadn't heard of AS back then, but I was married to an Aspie. Did it make it easier? Um...it made it POSSIBLE. I believe I'm an Aspie-girls-only guy.

I don't think I've ever even met another aspie - definitely no aspie girls.

doordoctor and I are in a long-distance relationship. We get along well because we have a shared interest in computers.

I'm dating someone who I thought was an Aspie a few months after we met, but now suspect her of being HFA. I suspect one of her male friends (possible an ex) of being an Aspi - Met him once, he seemed a lot like me.

It's a long distance relationship, and at the moment I'm a little freaked out about how dependant she is on her best friend. My partner can't cook, is really messy with her room, and goes out to clubs all the time. I like to stay in and eat my own cooked food and keep things neat. I'm worried about our future together.

I have a sweetheart girlfriend with a nice ass who I miss constantly when she's not there. She's someone who I can talk to about how I feel or have an intellectual conversation with and she understands. It seems to me like I practically hit the jackpot and scored that hot AS girl I have dreamed of for years. BUT... even though me and my girlfriend have a lot of deep and strange characteristics in common, asperger's seems like a long shot to me. But I would never want to be with any of the girls I've met with AS. Remember folks, not everything is how it seems, as you may be more compatible with someone who hasn't been diagnosed with the same disorder as you. My case of AS is mild one after all.

NT is a spectrum, too. If you had her take an aspie test, it wouldn't surprise me if it said she was on the aspie/NT border. You can't be diagnosed unless your aspie traits cause some fairly serious problem or another (in the diagnostician's opinion) in your life. So if someone has a lot of the more positive aspie traits and don't seem "debilitated," they will not be considered to have Asperger's. But that doesn't mean that they're truly NT, either. She may be somewhere on that fringe, which seems like a fine place to be.

I just wish I could meet an Aspie in general, let alone a girl I could be romantically interested in.

Noone I know gets me.

I've never dated an aspie that i'v known about, though only just found out myself that I have it. I did go out on one date couple of months ago with a guy who seems much more comfortable talking to my voice mail than me and also never answers his phone. And after our first date had alot of trouble getting him to call me back. Now it's been so long i'm wondering if it is him or me as you know it is so hard to judge situations and people sometimes. Now that I know I have it, I was wondering if he did too as he is very monotone, and warned me he is very direct. I had left a voice mail once after not getting return calls for so long asking if I was bothering him calling and leaving messages and that perhaps I just wasn't getting the hint. He left me a message and apologized in voice mail after not calling for a very long time for his aloofness -that is the very word he used- and said I was not bothering him at all. I myself have an aversion to the phone but make myself answer sometimes anyway. In fact, I kept letting his calls go to VM at first too but started making myself answer them because I didn't want him to think I didn't want to talk to him, but that's when he starting calling less often..

i think i'd like to try to date other aspies as said earlier, you can understand that each other has quirks, as most people that get past the initial few times around me start to realize me weirdness (you can only play pretend so long before it starts leaking out..). but i just can't figure out where to find other aspies..

Yep, after reading all these I'm going to see if I can't meet me an Aspie girl.

But one thing I wonder about is would anyone ever make a move?



If you've got two people who are hopeless at reading body language and picking up on implications then wouldn't you both just sit there uncomfortably all night wondering if the other likes you?

*sigh*

doomed, DOOMED I tells ya!

The two relationships that I had with women who I am pretty certain
were on the spectrum both made the first move. I'm not sure if you
can count on it though.

I have been in a relationship with an Aspie--it was my second relationship. Also, I casually dated another Aspie woman.

Tim

This would seem like a good start here, eh?