How do I know what I am implying before I say it?

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

hollowmoon
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 215

26 Oct 2015, 6:06 pm

People are always saying that I am implying rude things when I am not!

For example once some guy gave me a hug and I said "you like long hugs" and he was like "I'm sorry!". (This wasn't a rude implication, but he was assigning meanings to something I said".
Another time I was eating with a girl and I said "you ate that really quickly!" and she got insulted.

How do I stop implying things?



Rudin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2015
Age: 21
Posts: 1,046
Location: Southern Ontario

26 Oct 2015, 6:11 pm

You can't really. The only way to stop offending people is to say absolutely neutral things.

I don't understand what you did wrong with the girl you were eating with.


_________________
"God may not play dice with the universe, but something strange is going on with prime numbers."

-Paul Erdos

"There are two types of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from looking at your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files."

-Bruce Schneider


naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,150
Location: temperate zone

26 Oct 2015, 6:17 pm

what you mean is "how do I stop the appearance of implying things that I am not implying?".

Autistics complain about that alot: folks accusing of them of "saying things between the lines" when autistics rarely even speak "between the lines".

Rehearse what you say before you say it to see how it sounds might help. But since you probably dont even know what social rule you would be breaking that probably wouldnt do any good.

Men dont care if you notice that they scarf down food with velocity. But women are very sensitive about being seen as being gluttons. Its just one of those social land mines.



Mukatak
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Age: 2017
Posts: 2
Location: USA

26 Oct 2015, 6:35 pm

It might help to think about what topics different groups are sensitive about. (Straight) men tend to be concerned with not appearing gay, so mentioning that he liked long hugs probably seemed like you were subtly calling him gay. Women tend to be concerned with body image, so talking about how quickly she ate probably seemed like you were calling her fat. Learning what different groups are sensitive to isn't an instant fix, but you should be able to build up rules for what topics to avoid through research or trial and error.



Rudin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2015
Age: 21
Posts: 1,046
Location: Southern Ontario

26 Oct 2015, 6:38 pm

Mukatak wrote:
It might help to think about what topics different groups are sensitive about. (Straight) men tend to be concerned with not appearing gay, so mentioning that he liked long hugs probably seemed like you were subtly calling him gay. Women tend to be concerned with body image, so talking about how quickly she ate probably seemed like you were calling her fat. Learning what different groups are sensitive to isn't an instant fix, but you should be able to build up rules for what topics to avoid through research or trial and error.


I would probably not consider that if I were given one million years.


_________________
"God may not play dice with the universe, but something strange is going on with prime numbers."

-Paul Erdos

"There are two types of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from looking at your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files."

-Bruce Schneider


Aimee529
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 16 Oct 2015
Age: 41
Posts: 73
Location: Florida

27 Oct 2015, 2:34 am

I just try to avoid making observations about someone to their face. Sometimes I run into trouble when making comments about other people I see but not the person I am talking to....but not as often!



thewheel
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 150
Location: Kent, England

27 Oct 2015, 6:51 am

The inability to take what someone has said at face value is an NT disability. Try to encourage them the overcome their difficulties.


_________________
Diagnosed Aspie.