Who doesn't want babies?

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Who has decided not to reproduce or adopt ever?

I don't want babies or children of my own, not now, not ever.

Lots of women choose this, just curious if it is common for women on the spectrum to not feel that need to be a mother.

If you are one of those people who will tell me I will change my mind, or am selfish or whatever else, save your breath because I will ignore you.

I have 3 kids, so i am not exactly where you are but i have some comments that kind of support where you are coming from.

I wanted babies in the worst way when I was younger. Now I have 3 kids and i can speak to being on the spectrum and raising a family. There are some things i wish i had known beforehand. Would i have not wanted kids? No, i love them and would not trade them for anything. But...it is HARD at times--for anyone--and being on the spectrum makes some things about being a mother even harder.

I am also perfectly good with no more children. Hubby said "We are done," after baby 3 and it turned out to be a moot point because i needed a hysterectomy about a year later. I have heard other young moms who needed hysterectomies tell how sad they are not to be able to have more kids but now i am no longer sad about it at all.

This is what i would tell young ladies on the spectrum:

-Kids are loud. If you have a hard time with noise, kids will be harder yet.
-Kids take a certain measure of organization in order to care for them and care for you at the same time. If you suffer from executive function difficulties, it will be much harder to keep your head above water, so to speak.
-ASD is genetic. Your chance of having a child on the spectrum is greater if you are on it. The good part is that you will be able to understand your child better than someone who isn't...but the hard part is that a child on the spectrum adds to the general stress of parenting as they are usually pretty high maintenance.
-It is not impossible to raise good kids just because you are on the autism spectrum. But there will be extra challenges.

Hubby and I would tell anyone that our kids were totally worth it. But...it was, and still is, very, very hard sometimes.

Just my 2 cents from my experience.

Probly.an.aspie,

Good insight and you sound like you are a good mum, it's good you thought about it carefully having ASD before having children.

The noise thing is especially important for women with ASD considering having children, or anyone for that matter. For me I need a separate room, complete silence and no clocks to sit an exam at university, I really enjoy quiet in general, noise is one of the many reasons I wont have children, as well as no desire.

But I do appreciate motherhood, I have a special bond with my own mum, she is my best friend, I think mothers are amazing, it's just not a lifestyle I am suited to or want.

I will be a mother to my animals, I cannot wait to have kittens, and I will also travel the world.

Yes parenthood is hard, which a lot of people don't think about

Thank you for the compliment, danitatargaryen. Actually, though, i didn't know i had ASD til after i had kids. Would i change anything? Absolutely not! I love them so much. But i am being realistic too.

I've never had any interest in babies, never babysat when I was a little girl, and to this day have no interest in having kids of my own. It just never appealed to me at all, and I was always confused when I would hear people talk about the natural drive to reproduce and how supposedly strong it is especially in women, because I have never felt that myself. I do have nurturing feelings, but only towards animals. I had a tonne of stuffed animals and hot wheels as a little girl, a giant container of legos, and some action figures--but no dolls. If someone tried to give me a doll as a gift I would destroy it because I thought they were stupid and felt they were being foisted on me because "girls are supposed to play with dolls."

I doubt I'll ever want kids. Just hate everything about the idea.

I've never wanted kids and never liked being around kids, even when I was a kid. Nothing about motherhood is appealing to me I just don't have any maternal instinct.

This is me, too.

And I've always had this fear of ever becoming pregnant. Not for me!

That is how I feel! nurturing towards animals, but not babies and small children!
But I was very nurturing to my baby sister when she was born, but that's because she was my sister and I really wanted a sibling. I did have baby dolls but I more liked to dress them up and pretend to be my mum or treat them like a friend. Eventually I just became scared of baby dolls, I have a phobia of dolls.

I do not want any....for one I would get annoyed too easily especially in the early stages of life with the screaming and crying. That and I have no interest and doubt I could adequately raise or take care of them.

I have a different type of relationship with my kids than many NT moms i see. I always babied my kids less than most, i believe, but did much more purposeful teaching of information, chores, interesting work, the world around us at younger ages. My daughter read all 7 volumes of "The Chronicles of Narnia" in 1st grade (we were homeschooling at the time, which helped). My 2 oldest are now in their teens and almost-teens, and i have a better friendship with them than many moms with teenagers. We joke around, talk, and are good friends...although at times due to grades, etc., i have to play the mom card and remove privileges to deal with some issue. But for the most part, my kids are great and we have a relationship on much more equal footing than i see around me in some other families. They will never have a mom who fusses over birthday cakes or fussy party favors (we do celebrate birthdays, of course, but very simply) but they will have a mom who discusses the Lord of the Rings movies, helps stack firewood, teaches them to cook, plays Scrabble (but always loses), and lots of other things. I am not a traditional mom in that i fuss over all the things that one expects moms to fuss over...but i think i am a good mom. Not perfect, but good.

So, even though it may be hard for aspies to manage families (and it is), and we are not quite like other parents...if any of you ever do change your minds about babies you will likely raise children who are taught to look at the world in a unique way. The world needs unconventional ppl too. I am not trying to change anyone's mind, but again...just pointing out some things i have learned as an aspie mom that may be germane to the discussion.

This is me. I have tried to get used to them and grow to love them, but I just can not. I don't hate them. I simply do not have the patience for them. I believe I am making the right decision on never having them because I would be a terrible mother.

I was on the fence for many years about human ones and kept acquiring animal ones. Now its too late because of health problems, I lost my parts so I will be an animal rescue lady the rest of life. I can't even begin to tell you how condescending people in my conservative field are to a childless woman in her mid-forties. with cats and dogs.

Me. I suppose that could change, but i have had, and have no interest in them.

Me. I know I might be young to say this, but I don't want kids.

I like kids. I would really like to have one. Especially one on the spectrum.

But the thing is, I get really hormonal. I have awful, awful PMS. It can get kind of scary sometimes. I know this might seem crazy, but I'm afraid that if I had kids, I might do something that would scare them. And I really don't wanna put somebody through that.

My own mom was quite harsh as a kid. She used to go on these big rampages whenever she got upset. And I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. She would just yell at me and say awful things. I used to go upstairs and hide in my sister's room. It was scary.

I know I wouldn't be that kind of person, but it still worries me.
It's not that I don't want children, I just don't wanna hurt someone unintentionally.
Is that irrational?

Not irrational. I know what you mean. I sometimes have a hard time being nice when i am overloaded with the general noise of kids or activity. There's not a super easy solution but i have explained to them that a lot of noise and activity has me overwhelmed. It helps that all my kids are either on the spectrum or near it. They understand too. Not that our household is always quiet--it's not--but how you train them helps a lot. They know to take turns talking to me and not to all ask me to do something at once. I need to have one thing at a time in front of me--stuff like that.

And i had horrible pms back in the day. I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago, so that helped a lot. Still have 1 ovary so i have some mood swings but things are much better in the hormone dept now. As i said earlier, motherhood is not always easy but well worth it.

I think i was harsher with my 2 oldest when they were small, not understanding them or myself and why we did some of the things we did. I wish i had known--i would have been a nicer mom. I wasn't to the extent you described, Lillikoi, but just not as kind and understanding as i think i should have been.

But they still love me and some of the things that i remember with regret have slipped their minds completely when i have asked. So i can let it go too. They know i try my best; and i think they consider me to be a good mom in spite of some shortcomings. NT moms have their shortcomings too.