Help me with obsession and coping with depression (advice?)

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TypicalAspie
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11 Nov 2015, 5:59 pm

Hello, I am a 21 year old male. I do not necessarily consider myself hideous, but I do have self esteem issues about my looks, finances, and above all my social awkwardness. I guess I would consider my looks to be moderate.

Here is my issue, about three-four years ago senior year before I graduated highschool there was one girl that I befriended. I was skeptical at first because of the way many girls treated me before. (Keep in mind I am terrible at reading body language and taking hints.) She approached me and told me I could talk to he anytime, and that she understands how other kids at the school can be mean. Then, about a month later I decided to talk to her in class during a "free day" or something I remember how beautiful she was and how she was asking me questions like "where do I live" and we exchanged numbers and her smile. I went to a dance with her a few months after talking to her, with only occasional text conversations as communication. I asked her. (Trust me asking her was a terrifying feat for someone like me.)

Thing is, this girl is way out of my league and we've been graduated for years, the only time we talk is VERY rarely on facebook or texting. I often wonder if the only reason she ever talked to me in school was either because she feared for my own suicide, she wanted a way to have someone give her attention, or the whole thing was an elaborate way of messing with my heart and causing me more grief. I'm pretty sure she is a NT, but with some self esteem issues.

I only ever talked to and befriended one other girl after her, but that's irreverent because this other girl I am referring to has a boyfriend and has completely cut all other males from her life.

All I know is that my lingering obsession is unhealthy and I need someone to talk about this with.



rdos
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12 Nov 2015, 3:16 am

TypicalAspie wrote:
Here is my issue, about three-four years ago senior year before I graduated highschool there was one girl that I befriended. I was skeptical at first because of the way many girls treated me before. (Keep in mind I am terrible at reading body language and taking hints.) She approached me and told me I could talk to he anytime, and that she understands how other kids at the school can be mean. Then, about a month later I decided to talk to her in class during a "free day" or something I remember how beautiful she was and how she was asking me questions like "where do I live" and we exchanged numbers and her smile. I went to a dance with her a few months after talking to her, with only occasional text conversations as communication. I asked her. (Trust me asking her was a terrifying feat for someone like me.)


Seems like she was romantically interested in you.

TypicalAspie wrote:
Thing is, this girl is way out of my league


That's not a major issues for neurodiverse people.

TypicalAspie wrote:
and we've been graduated for years, the only time we talk is VERY rarely on facebook or texting. I often wonder if the only reason she ever talked to me in school was either because she feared for my own suicide, she wanted a way to have someone give her attention, or the whole thing was an elaborate way of messing with my heart and causing me more grief. I'm pretty sure she is a NT, but with some self esteem issues.


I'm sure you got most of that wrong. She probably befriended you because she was NOT NT (rather neurodiverse). I don't think it had anything to do with fear for suicide.

What I would want to know instead is why you don't get together anymore, and if she has a boyfriend.

TypicalAspie wrote:
All I know is that my lingering obsession is unhealthy and I need someone to talk about this with.


It's only unhealthy if you don't do anything about it.



TypicalAspie
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12 Nov 2015, 10:57 am

rdos wrote:
TypicalAspie wrote:
Here is my issue, about three-four years ago senior year before I graduated highschool there was one girl that I befriended. I was skeptical at first because of the way many girls treated me before. (Keep in mind I am terrible at reading body language and taking hints.) She approached me and told me I could talk to he anytime, and that she understands how other kids at the school can be mean. Then, about a month later I decided to talk to her in class during a "free day" or something I remember how beautiful she was and how she was asking me questions like "where do I live" and we exchanged numbers and her smile. I went to a dance with her a few months after talking to her, with only occasional text conversations as communication. I asked her. (Trust me asking her was a terrifying feat for someone like me.)


Seems like she was romantically interested in you.

TypicalAspie wrote:
Thing is, this girl is way out of my league


That's not a major issues for neurodiverse people.

TypicalAspie wrote:
and we've been graduated for years, the only time we talk is VERY rarely on facebook or texting. I often wonder if the only reason she ever talked to me in school was either because she feared for my own suicide, she wanted a way to have someone give her attention, or the whole thing was an elaborate way of messing with my heart and causing me more grief. I'm pretty sure she is a NT, but with some self esteem issues.


I'm sure you got most of that wrong. She probably befriended you because she was NOT NT (rather neurodiverse). I don't think it had anything to do with fear for suicide.

What I would want to know instead is why you don't get together anymore, and if she has a boyfriend.

TypicalAspie wrote:
All I know is that my lingering obsession is unhealthy and I need someone to talk about this with.


It's only unhealthy if you don't do anything about it.


What do you mean? I'm pretty sure she is NT, and Its difficult for people like me with aspergers to express feelings because of anxiety.



dobyfm
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12 Nov 2015, 11:39 am

I think she may have liked you. She probably never said anything because society tells females that males are supposed to chase us (which I think is not true and if a girl wants to ask a guy out then she should). And she is not "out of your league". The only reason you think that is because you want to believe that. If you have a great heart then ask her out. How about you contact her again?



TypicalAspie
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12 Nov 2015, 12:29 pm

dobyfm wrote:
I think she may have liked you. She probably never said anything because society tells females that males are supposed to chase us (which I think is not true and if a girl wants to ask a guy out then she should). And she is not "out of your league". The only reason you think that is because you want to believe that. If you have a great heart then ask her out. How about you contact her again?


I agree on the society norm thing. But I am pretty sure she is out of my league. I'm not necessarily financially stable at the moment either.



Sweetleaf
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12 Nov 2015, 1:04 pm

TypicalAspie wrote:
Hello, I am a 21 year old male. I do not necessarily consider myself hideous, but I do have self esteem issues about my looks, finances, and above all my social awkwardness. I guess I would consider my looks to be moderate.

Here is my issue, about three-four years ago senior year before I graduated highschool there was one girl that I befriended. I was skeptical at first because of the way many girls treated me before. (Keep in mind I am terrible at reading body language and taking hints.) She approached me and told me I could talk to he anytime, and that she understands how other kids at the school can be mean. Then, about a month later I decided to talk to her in class during a "free day" or something I remember how beautiful she was and how she was asking me questions like "where do I live" and we exchanged numbers and her smile. I went to a dance with her a few months after talking to her, with only occasional text conversations as communication. I asked her. (Trust me asking her was a terrifying feat for someone like me.)

Thing is, this girl is way out of my league and we've been graduated for years, the only time we talk is VERY rarely on facebook or texting. I often wonder if the only reason she ever talked to me in school was either because she feared for my own suicide, she wanted a way to have someone give her attention, or the whole thing was an elaborate way of messing with my heart and causing me more grief. I'm pretty sure she is a NT, but with some self esteem issues.

I only ever talked to and befriended one other girl after her, but that's irreverent because this other girl I am referring to has a boyfriend and has completely cut all other males from her life.

All I know is that my lingering obsession is unhealthy and I need someone to talk about this with.


I think a lot of things change when you graduate from highschool, I haven't heard of a lot of highschool relationships lasting throughout highschool. People are much more immature at that age, it could be she did like you but wasn't mature enough to commit to a real relationship at that time, or something like that. Also if your interactions through texting and facebook tend to go well you could always see if she ever wants to get together in person.

Also why do you think she is out of your league?...A lot of people aren't financially stable and in relationships, so that shouldn't necessarily hold you back.


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TypicalAspie
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12 Nov 2015, 2:07 pm

I think the mistake I made was that I was anxious and she confused my anxiety and quietness as a form of disinterest.

Wish I had the guts to talk to her.