It is funny, at some times I feel that it is unfair to be judged by things I can't help (whether it be looks or lack of social skills such as inability to hold conversation, monotone voice, etc) and that makes sense. But then there are other times when I feel that it would be even less fair to be judged by things I CAN help. Because if I was simply doing something to test someone's patience, and they wouldn't give me another chance, then it would amount to htem assuming that I am "incapable" of not doing X, Y and Z, while from where I came from I know I am perfectly capable of not doing it, and in fact I haven't done them to ANYONE except a given woman simply because she is more patient than most. So in this respect, it seems like it IS fair to be judged by looks, monotone voice, shyness, whatever, but it is NOT fair to be judged by the deliberate actions. After all if I look a given way, then they are right in assuming that I always look that way, so they haven't made any incorrect assumptions about me. Likewise, if I am shy or don't know how to make conversation, they haven't made any incorrect assumptions either because I am always that way. On the other hand if I deliberately say things that I know would hurt someone or at least irritate them on the long run then it is plain wrong to assume I always act that way since sometimes I simply test people's reaction, and also even "sometimes" is overstatement because once I know that something isn't welcome with a given person I won't ever do that. At the same time, I still see a point that to be judged by things I can't help isn't fair either. After all there are simptoms of Asperger I can't control (such as monotone voice) and I definitely don't want to be deprived of dating chances based on that. So yeah sometimes I feel it is unfair to be judged by what I can't help; other times I feel it is unfair to be judged by things I CAN help. So what do you think of it?
11 Apr 2007, 11:50 am
