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Starfoxx
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20 Nov 2015, 5:09 pm

If you've ever been bullied, did it affect you long term and did you ever heal the harm?

I was bullied years ago and it affected me quite extensively. Now though I am starting a new chapter and have to learn new (to me) ways of thinking.



xile123
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20 Nov 2015, 5:18 pm

Bullied severely in high school to the point I had to leave and bullied by my own father every day of my life.



Sovek
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20 Nov 2015, 5:50 pm

not physically, but I was constantly mocked or harassed because the idiots thought it was funny... kinda like poking a hornets nest. This of course made normal "school" a miserable experience. I liked when I was left to my own devices and when people would actually try and talk to me about school work. The social issues were just... ugh. It got so bad that there were more than a few occasions I broke down crying... complete meltdowns.

Sad part is, not one of the professors that had me in their class suggested that I might be autistic. guess they really didn't know what to look for.



PorridgeGuy
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20 Nov 2015, 6:19 pm

Yes, they started picking on me at approximately age 6 and it got increasingly bad. Both physically and emotionally. One guy pretend to be my friend just to turn the back on me multiple times. Around age 12-13 I had many suicidal thoughts. Luckily, a major turning point occured and it got a lot less severe. And you know what? I have an important message for you. I've lived a very happy life after that (until recently, but that's unrelated). Sure, I've had low self esteem, but I recovered. I think it's partly because I'm somewhat successful at my job that made my self esteem improve, but it may take a bit of luck to get that opportunity. I wouldn't have been less worthy if I hadn't, but I might have felt that way. My point is: it might be hard to recover from such experiences, but it is indeed possible to live a happy life afterwards. And you should not feel that you are any less worthy and doesn't matter to people. In fact, I remember you answering my first thread here on WP (if it is you who had another account with the name starfox) with a very insightful reply. That sure mattered to me (thanks, btw).


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kraftiekortie
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20 Nov 2015, 6:28 pm

I was bullied/mocked/teased, etc. all through my school years. I was beat up a few times (though not really severely). I felt ostracized all through my school years, too.

It got somewhat better in my senior year of high school, though it didn't stop totally.

When I was 18, I made a resolution: I will not be bullied again!! !!

And except for 1 or 2 minor instances, I was never bullied again.

I feel the best ways to offset a bully is to either

1. Ignore the bully.

2. Fight the bully back.

It's very important that you don't feel worthy of being bullied. All through the time I was bullied, I NEVER felt that there was any real reason why someone should bully me.



Grammar Geek
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20 Nov 2015, 6:33 pm

Anytime I ever tried to fight a bully back, I would be the one to get in trouble and the bully would get off scot-free.



Last edited by Grammar Geek on 20 Nov 2015, 9:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

iliketrees
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20 Nov 2015, 6:39 pm

Yes, and what scares me was how unaware I was of most of it. As a result I had a hard time trusting anyone. It's made me suspicious of people, especially other girls. I'm just lucky I don't get lonely otherwise it'd drive me insane. I'm just scared of being taken advantage of again. :(



Edenthiel
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20 Nov 2015, 6:40 pm

I was bullied from pre-K until the 6th grade. Physically beat up several times a week, emotionally thrashed and shamed every day. By other students, by teachers, by my family of origin. Eventually I just shut down and hid my sense of Self away to keep it safe. Even from myself.

Long term effect: I found my sense of Self again when I was 39 after a idiosyncratic traumatic event & have been spending the years since slowly rebuilding / growing it (it was like a 6-7 year old at first). Especially this last year; until February I knew once again it existed, I knew I needed to grow it, but didn't know how & didn't think I had any right to do so because that would be "selfish" of me. It's been kind of a nice process the last 10 months, but it is incredibly difficult to find anyone who actually understands. Apparently locking one's sense of Self away, even from your day-to-day, handle-interactions-and-responsibility-to-other-people's-expectations parts of your brain is not that popular of a survival technique.

To the OP/Starfoxx: What new ways of thinking have you had to discover, if I may ask?


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Waterfalls
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20 Nov 2015, 6:44 pm

I would not say I healed, more like scarred over and have been able to forget a lot of things and feelings that are best not to dwell in.

There are times though that something happens and I'm right back in there.

It has seemed to me that a lot of people heal, or mostly heal. I do think change, and some degree at least of healing, are possible.

I decided I did not want to hurt like I was hurt so I lean on that a lot as a reason to go on and center around; though not always successful at it I try.



Verdandi
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20 Nov 2015, 6:58 pm

I was bullied in school and it certainly contributed to my PTSD.

There are a few members on this forum who think bullying is okay.



xile123
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20 Nov 2015, 8:06 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
Any time I ever tried to fight a bully back, I would be the one to get in trouble and the bully would get off scot-free.


I hear ya



Lockheart
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20 Nov 2015, 8:19 pm

Starfoxx wrote:
If you've ever been bullied, did it affect you long term and did you ever heal the harm?

I was bullied years ago and it affected me quite extensively. Now though I am starting a new chapter and have to learn new (to me) ways of thinking.


Yes, I have, particularly during one hellish period in year 5. I don't hold any animosity towards the bullies - I can't even remember the names of many of them, let alone what they looked like - but I still struggle to comprehend how 10-year-olds could be so cruel, and why they directed it at me. I believe it has contributed to the low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, anxiety and depression I've struggled with as an adult, although in my case it's probably one of several factors. I think I have healed a little, but imperfectly and incompletely, and mostly due to the passage of time rather than any active strategy. I've recently started seeing a psychologist to try to take a bit more control but it's too early to tell if I'm going to get results. I'm going to be following this thread for more ideas.



Sovek
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20 Nov 2015, 10:55 pm

Oh, and a result of all the mockery and harassing, I'm left paranoid of peoples real intentions, this combined with my near complete inability to read people makes me suspicious of anyone. Even more so if they try to be a little nice.



Aspiewordsmith
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21 Nov 2015, 8:29 am

Yes for most of my life and I am suspicious of new people as a result. :arrow:



CuriousGeorge
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21 Nov 2015, 9:06 am

Oh yes. It started around grade 2 and continued through high school. And my teachers and parents held me as accountable as they did the bully, so I would get beaten up and then I would get in trouble for it.
On healing, I never really thought about it like that. I remember feeling bad for them. Wondering why they would enjoy something pointless and hurtful. But I don't remember thinking that I was wounded. Angry of course, but not victimized. Maybe if I had a better understanding of their motivations it would have been different. But it was sort of like being attacked by a wild animal in that it was very unplesant but there was no point in asking why it happened.