why is being nice considered weird/creepy?

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joshskuxx
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01 Dec 2015, 5:12 am

why do people always assume that nice people have some kind of hidden motive (eg.when a guy is nice to a girl, the girl thinks that he is creepy).



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01 Dec 2015, 7:30 am

Because if you are too nice, you are seen as desperate; and desperate people are creepy.

Maybe the article on the other end of this link will help. It was written by a woman.

Link: "Nice guys finish last because most act creepy!"


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01 Dec 2015, 7:59 am

joshskuxx wrote:
why do people always assume that nice people have some kind of hidden motive (eg.when a guy is nice to a girl, the girl thinks that he is creepy).


They don't. Surely not all or always. As for the "hidden motive" that could be the voice of experience, as it's hardly uncommon for someone to be "nice" only when and as long they want something from you.

As far as I've noticed it's not that it's considered creepy to be nice, it's considered creepy to expect to be rewarded for being nice.


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01 Dec 2015, 9:19 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
... it's not that it's considered creepy to be nice, it's considered creepy to expect to be rewarded for being nice.
Bingo.

It's especially creepy if the expected 'reward' for being nice is immediate sexual gratification. That is, if a guy thinks that by being nice to a girl, she will reward him with sex, then he is being creepy, and fully deserves to be 'creepzoned' for it.


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01 Dec 2015, 9:31 am

Quote:
It's especially creepy if the expected 'reward' for being nice is immediate sexual gratification. That is, if a guy thinks that by being nice to a girl, she will reward him with sex, then he is being creepy, and fully deserves to be 'creepzoned' for it.

Yep, and it's a very small step into arsehole territory if he then gets nasty with her when she refuses to have sex with him. Being nice itself isn't creepy, and I doubt most people would think so - it's how and why you do it.


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01 Dec 2015, 5:50 pm

^^^ yeah, exactly!

This succinctly explains the difference between a Nice Guy and a good guy. The sense of entitlement, ugh. The author hits the nail on the head:

"For the most part, Nice Guys are really just too wrapped up in their bitterness and entitlement to really think of women as people. They view dating as a game, a game with which they think they can “win” but are being cheated by “b*****s” and “assholes.” They don’t factor in other people’s thoughts or feelings or motivations, or how they are perceived by others. Women just exist as sex prizes for making the right moves, and if it doesn’t work for you it’s because “girls like assholes and bad boys, and I’m too nice and they’re all b*****s and sluts who don’t realize I’m great.”"


http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-06-05/how ... yre-awful/



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01 Dec 2015, 5:52 pm

I don't know, but apparently nice guys finish last.


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Pineapplejuicex
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01 Dec 2015, 7:56 pm

Rudin wrote:
I don't know, but apparently nice guys finish last.


Nice, in and of itself, isn't a "quality", it's a basic social expectation.

The guys who insist they're nice and that girls only date jerks, well, I'm always curious about what actual qualities the former think they possess.



alcockell
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02 Dec 2015, 1:15 am

Pineapplejuicex wrote:
Rudin wrote:
I don't know, but apparently nice guys finish last.


Nice, in and of itself, isn't a "quality", it's a basic social expectation.

The guys who insist they're nice and that girls only date jerks, well, I'm always curious about what actual qualities the former think they possess.


This is where it all gets confusing. There is a mismatch between the old social contract and the new. Somehow the requirements I a life partner changed but nobody explicitly told some guys.



joshskuxx
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02 Dec 2015, 3:35 am

Fnord wrote:
Because if you are too nice, you are seen as desperate; and desperate people are creepy.

Maybe the article on the other end of this link will help. It was written by a woman.

Link: "Nice guys finish last because most act creepy!"

yeah, but I dont think that desperate always equals creepy (it depends what your desperate for if you know what I mean). for example, what if someone is lonely and is desperate for someone to care about them, or desperate for someone to have fun with. Is Needing some one to talk, someone to care about you or someone to hang out with classified as Creepy? how are you supposed to supress your feelings and not care about what other people think (no matter how hard I try I cant do that). why does society think that guys that need emotional support are just little b*tches? btw I agree that guys that just act nice to girls because they want sex are creepy, but I was actually trying to ask why its creepy to show emotion,why its creepy to talk to people and try to make friends, why its creepy to want to be cared about etc (I was just using the nice guy thing as an example). also how do you define the difference between being to nice and being normal (not to nice, not to much of an as*hole).



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02 Dec 2015, 8:17 am

This thread makes the assumption 'nice guys' who get frustrated with a lack of dating success are instantly entitled creeps.

"For the most part, Nice Guys are really just too wrapped up in their bitterness and entitlement to really think of women as people. They view dating as a game, a game with which they think they can “win” but are being cheated by “b*****s” and “assholes.” They don’t factor in other people’s thoughts or feelings or motivations, or how they are perceived by others. Women just exist as sex prizes for making the right moves, and if it doesn’t work for you it’s because “girls like assholes and bad boys, and I’m too nice and they’re all b*****s and sluts who don’t realize I’m great.”"

Generalization.

There's plenty of good males out there that are used by abusive women (for their money, or giving all their love and gratitude only to be stepped on, etc.) and while they're not being used by women they're being stepped on by other males.

And why is it always wrong to feel 'cheated'? If you're a genuinely good person and have only had bad relationships, why is it wrong to feel 'cheated'?

"cheat
tʃiːt/Submit
verb
past tense: cheated; past participle: cheated
1.
act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.
"she always cheats at cards""

To be cheated is to be treated unfairly or dishonest. My ex-girlfriend was absolutely horrible. I tried my best to be the most caring and compassionate person I could be, only to be treated unfairly and dishonestly. I was cheated, and I felt cheated.

Isn't that what most people who are used or abused are told? 'You deserve better?'

Any decent male or female in this world can and should feel frustrated if another person in this world, male or female, have used and abused them.

This frustration isn't always out of entitlement or bitterness. Often it's about recognizing when you've been wronged, especially if you don't deserve it, and not sitting down and letting yourself tolerate mistreatment.

Sometimes you have to think in the positive and let certain things roll off your shoulder, but this isn't always the case.



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02 Dec 2015, 8:46 am

I'm a nice guy (I hope). I don't curse too often. I listen to what people have to say. I might, once in a while, do a good deed for somebody. I might howl at the moon occasionally.

If somebody finds all this creepy, then that somebody has major problems.



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02 Dec 2015, 9:22 am

Someone who is always agreeing with others no matter what the point-of-view; who is always polite, no matter what the circumstance; and who is always giving compliments, whether they are deserved or not, is at least borderline creepy.


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kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2015, 10:21 am

I try to be polite, even when I disagree.

I always state that I disagree with something if I disagree with it. People, in fact, call me "argumentative."

If I compliment somebody, it's something that I feel at the moment.



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02 Dec 2015, 11:55 am

It's important to condemn being nice, to make sure you can't win, no matter what you do.


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