Feeling this way because a lack of confidence?

Post Reply New Topic

I like an NT guy in one of my college classes. He has good social skills, is very likable and everyone in my major is his friend. I am very shy around him. He is so nice to me and always is willing to help me with assignments. Just this week me and him finally had a conversation about topics that do not concern academics. We actually have a lot in common. I don't know if he likes me or not, but as I went home that day I began to ask myself, "Why would someone like him like me or want to be with me?" I even started crying a little bit. The feeling of self doubt is still here and I am debating avoiding him.

I know this type of thinking stems from a lack of confidence. I've been struggling with low self esteem for years and even have been going to therapy sessions. Does anyone feel this way or has felt this way? Share your stories.

You are engaging in negative self talk. Whenever your mind thinks things like "why would someone like him like me or want to be with me," challenge the thought. You really have no evidence either way. Forget trying to define things - just enjoy the moments life offers.

from my personal experience I have developed low self esteem just from being rejected so much back in high school as well as after I graduated which became a problem when I did find someone I like, as a pretended to friendzone him just so he wouldn't treat me like so many other people did. One day I discovered he like me too and I had no reason to worry. I guess what I am saying is that you can put yourself on the line as you don't know how he feels until he tells you himself.

I can completely relate with you here. Obviously there's a (possibly well-buried) reason you feel this way about yourself. My suggestion would be to identify why you think you're not good enough (possibly with the help of a therapist/psychiatrist), and do the best to fix what you feel is not up to scratch and learn to accept the things you can't fix.

I know it's tough, and I feel your pain. My suggestion would be to continue talking to this guy, but do your best to keep romantic feelings at bay until such a time that he expresses explicit interest in you. Try to get to know him better and perhaps if you feel comfortable enough, drop a few hints, or perhaps even ask him out. It's all really up to you though.

You may not think your chances of getting with this guy are great, but any chance is better than the 0% chance you'd have if you chose to avoid him.

I think I have a very strong sense of what I want and don't want in a partner, and I've never allowed myself to fall for someone who I think would think poorly of me, overall. I have more self-respect than that. Even though in some areas I suffer from poor self-esteem, I guess this isn't one.

Not similar to you but you wanted input, so that's mine.

Thanks everyone! What you all wrote makes sense. Perhaps I should think deeply into what is causing me to feel this way. One reason is that in my past so many people were mean to me, especially a lot of the guys who I used to like.

And as mentioned above, I should live in the moment. I'll wait to see if he really does like me romantically or is just being friendly.

The future generally has most of the same people in it although being stuck in their ways is one thing that gets people naturally selected out. I should paraphrase - five minutes of nastiness directed at you could equate to a whole lifetime of the same sh*t on different days somewhere else. Mean people are usually just trying to hide their lacking adaptability.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I feel this way sometimes too. I think part of it is because different people gave the impression that they would be around for a very long time, but then they would push me away. There's also a lot of people that act very serious and uncomfortable around me too, especially guys. I usually like aspies or guys with aspie traits, but I sometimes feel like they are more likable and intelligent. I agree that a lot of it has to do with bad experiences.

Yep, I can relate. I hear of a lot of people who feel that way, actually. I think avoidance is a way to try to stave off the pain of rejection by leaving before people get attached, but that's self-sabotage. We don't always know what other people see in us, or what they'd think of who we are on a deeper level early on. It's best to let others decide whether or not they think you're a match instead of pushing them away before they can even say yes or no.

It can seem like people have nothing in common and no reason to be together, but that's hard to know sometimes, too. I have a friend who has a lot of anxiety issues and faced a lot of bullying growing up, and it still bothers him. He always seems so upbeat most days that sometimes I forget what he's still going through. He has his own reasons for wanting to be around the friends he has, and that's because he gets it and he likes people for who they are past the flaws.

There are a lot of good people still out there if you give them a fair chance.