Where meet people?

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Meeting people is the hardest thing for me to do. I work full time during the week. No dating prospects there. Other than that, I pretty much stay home. I run out for errands like the grocery store or eating out every now and then. I'll go to a movie with my brother or another acquaintance every now and then and that's about it. People tell me that I simply need to just "get out there". It seems that "out there" is a mythical place as that is about as specific as anyone gets. I don't really have any friends I socialize with outside of some gaming events (board games, Magic the Gathering, etc) so any place I would go to would be by myself.

That's just the biggest problem. I can never think of anyplace to go by myself. I'm generally a needs guy. I don't do anything I don't need to do or go anyplace I don't need to go. Going someplace just to go someplace is an alien concept to me but I realize I have to do it, I just don't know how to begin. I'll be sitting at home, watching TV or playing a video game and I'll think, "I should go somewhere." but that's about as far as my thought process goes. I'm not necessarily looking for concrete answers, but more to get a discussion going. I imagine I'm not the only one who has this problem.

A well-known problem on this side too: i kinda force myself to go.
I am lucky to have a 'group-hobby' (orchestra), which gets me out and mingling with others, and i go to concerts/shows, i might mention that i'm going to other people, but i will just go and see who joins me.
Often, when i'm going alone, i force myself to at least make a friendly 'initial meeting' conversation with the people in the seats next to me, just to train myself trough exposure...

Signup for a class (cookery, dance, crafts) that you think you'll enjoy that's likely to have lots of female participants. Join a low-key coed sports team. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, refugee resettlement organization, as a docent at a gallery/museum. Join a club (curling, camping, hiking, whatever).

Yes it is a seemingly mythical place.

Just how do you get out and about enough to meet people?

I usually don't like going or doing anything alone anyway, along with not liking to spend money too much, I feel anxiety going out to do things alone, this is one of my main sources of anxiety in fact - I enjoy the prescence of at least one other person.

I don't rely on them to do things for me, I can do everything myself, it's just when I do things solo I am very business minded - very 'in and out'. I look as fearless and confident as possible even if I'm full of anxiety, don't look at anyone, don't talk to anyone, buy what I need, interact with the cashier, and get out. With friends or girlfriend or family i can pace myself, take in the atmospehere and enjoy it, or at least take pleasure in complaining together if the location makes us both uncomfortable (crowded places, etc.)

Anyway, my city has jack-sh•t activities and opportunities. All the 'clubs and groups' are boring rubbish like 'flower displays', or 'come join us for cupcakes and tea at a delightful, srumptuous little dinner and drink' etc.

The largest demographic in my city is elderly people and this shows. Or it's very family-oriented but by 'family' they mean 'adults with little children, so there's only going to be childish, baby level stuff here no one older than 5 would like'. There's almost nothing for the youth here and that's probably one of the reasons why there is such a high crime rate among the youth along with high drug and alcohol abuse statistics, high depression rates and possibly high suicide rates as well - most young people leave when they come of age to the nearby Brisbane (my plan as well). The only things the youth do enjoy are annual events that mostly suck anyway (dirty, small, third-rate carnival, etc.)

I do want to begin volunteer activity, not just for possible making friends but to feel a part of my community and feel useful.

Anyway, I'm sorry OP if I haven't really provided any advice, just saying I relate.

If you enjoy going to the movie theatre to watch movies alone (I don't watch movies, so for me that's a no-go), then you can do that.

If you enjoy going to the shopping mall and playing the arcade games there alone, you can also do that (again, I prefer with friends, plus it looks inappropriate at your age).

If you enjoy dribbling a basketball alone at the basketball court at your local park, perhaps you'd be lucky enough for some stranger to approach and offer a game.

Perhaps try getting to know the acquaintances at your board game meetings or if they know any other nice people to get to know/other events they might hold.

Other than that, I'm really not sure.

I have the same problem. I agree it's kind of a hard choice between going out just for the sake of meeting people to things you wouldn't normally do, and just continuing on hoping for the right chance encounter.

I just can't think of anything I want/need to do away from the house. I suppose I could just live in a boring area.

There's an Aspie meetup group called The Square Pegs Social Club that's in the Seattle are and looks like they're very active. Some of their members are active on WP, as well.

Think of anything you like to do, type it into google and add your city together with "meetup", "meeting", "group" or any other such words to the search string; you'd be surprised how many people get together for the strangest things

My old city was far better. Being a tourist destination, it was obviously bustling with different things to do, frombeaches to swimming holes, a local pool/park that had free entry, cinema, top of the line theatre, decejnt amount of clubs/groups, and a far more frquent amount of 'big events'. Seems like every 2-3 weeks there was always something going on at the local pool /park, whether that be jumping castles, music and games, etc.

To leave that, any normal city would look boring.



It can also be surprising just how little there is.

That's just it. I have looked into this stuff and I'm sure Bataar will find nothing as well. I actually look up events for my area and it's all stuff elderly people, 5 year old children or 45 year old housewives would enjoy.

Meetup.com has a lot of stuff for Brisbane, nothing for my area.

Bataar, are your only hobbies/interests board games? Anything else useful for meeting people?

Unfortunately obscure interests can also negatively affect things. I find it difficult to find people in real life to discuss philosophy with. Brisbane has a 'intelligent debate group', however I assume that means politics, which never goes anywhere, mathematics, which bores me, or science, which is interesting I guess. Etiehr way, this is a group of middle-aged looking adults. An 18 year old showing up (18 is minimum age) probably wouldn't fit in well.

I had the most success with Meetup.com groups (although they were usually older than me) and joining a running club. Both are usually about 70% female so there's that added bonus too for single guys. I met a lot of people (over 99% men) playing hockey over the years but few are people I would want to hang out with. I also met a number of people through the local Sport and Social club although it is outrageously expensive.

I also really enjoy watching TV and movies. So, no, none of my current hobbies/interests are helpful when it comes to meeting people, especially when looking to meet someone to date. Again, it's not like I'm held fast and refuse to do other things, I just can't think of anything appealing to do. I've had people suggest going to bookstores. I'm not a book guy. I used to read more, but not so much anymore. When I was into books, I was never interested in browsing. I'd know what book I wanted so I would go to the store, find it and leave. Now, I can just download ebooks and don't have to do that. I don't like dealing with crowds, although it can be handled for certain occasions. So in general, I'd consider myself open to do things, if I can think of them.

We have these places in Scotland called singles. Singles clubs, singles pubs, singles restaurants, singles dance hall.

Surely there's places like this in Seattle?

Frasier...

I've never heard of any place like that anywhere, let alone Seattle. I think I can safely say we don't have any place like those.

Same here. It's not that I don't enjoy taking my time and relaxing when I do things, it's that I can only do that with others.

When I do things solo I have a crippling anxiety but can still do it and still express confidence, it's just it feels a lot more...uncomfortable doing things alone.

And even when I do feel at ease, I just feel too bored when I do things alone. The more the merrier. It's funny how doing something with another person makes such a difference to me.

It doesn't matter where I go. When I'm with someone else, I'm a bright, energetic, social and positive person. Solo - cold, quiet, aloof.

The reading part's exactly how I feel. The only way I could enjoy a bookstore (not library, hate how you have to be so damn quiet) is if a friend and I browsed books not to actually buy but to just joke/fool around.

Bataar, my question is how do you feel when you do things with your brother/acquaintances?

Do you notice any sort of difference in your behavior? Are you more friendly or social whatsoever?

Because maybe you could try doing activities with others instead of thinking of things to do alone.

I think even N.T's find it difficult to think of activities to do alone, because it really can be lonely - watching a cinema movie alone, a play at the theatre alone, reading in the park by yourself, swimming at the local pool alone.

Some people enjoy that level of solitude, and I'm sure we've all seen 'that one guy' or woman out in public who is doing a usually social activity solo, but not everyone likes that nor wants that all the time. I know we don't. Kind of a sad irony, really.

When I'm hanging out with my brother or acquaintances I know, I'm definitely more upbeat and social. I don't think of things to do alone because it's my preference, I think of things to do alone because I don't have other options. All of my acquaintances, including my brother have very busy schedules between their jobs and family. I'm pretty much the only single guy in the group as the rest are either married, some have kids or are in serious relationships. I'd love to be able to call up a friend and say, "Hey, let's go do X tonight", but I honestly don't know anyone who would be available.

It's good to finally find someone here who relates.

My issue though is all my good friends live away in other cities because we use to live in the same places but I would constantly move.

It has nothing to do with their schedules as one is still a student at school, my older friend is 19 and still living at home, and my best friend is a recent graduate like me.

I simply have no one living in the same city as me who is interested in hanging out, no one I can call up and say 'Hey, let's go do X tonight' as well and I haven't all year.

I finally have my new girlfriend which I recently started dating, however she seems to really value her 'alone time' and needs 'a week...or two' away from friends/boyfriend. So right now I'm patiently waiting for her to message me when she's ready to see me again, and I'll probably have to get use to this.

Otherwise when I'm not spending time with her, I have no one else. I'm just not one of those introverted, quiet aspies who enjoys solitude. I'm actually an ambiverted aspie, and when I use to live in the same city as my friends would hang out with them almost every single weekend and miss that greatly.

None of my old friends from high school seem to want anything to do with me, the traitors they are. Yeah, you lose most friends after high school, I get it, and only the 'true, genuine' friends stay, but it seems I even lost her. Not only did she promise to keep in contact, she was that friend that was always there for me, supported me, helped me etc. and I did the same with my ambitious, supportive and uplifting attitude. What a waste of time...well, it was fun while it lasted.