What does it take to love someone?

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I'm starting this thread because I have trouble choosing a girl. I'm sure a lot of them would love me but is that enough?

I mean, can I love someone for no reason other than they love me?

Would you love someone just because they love you o do you have something more? Discuss. I'm looking to clear up my confusion.

I chose chemistry, but I'm not sure if I should have... retrogamer, it's one thing to admire someone, it's another thing to love someone..... loving someone takes more than thinking a girl is pretty or that she is charming... it takes bonding from an actual relationship, or at least that's how i see it.... I am usually hesitant to say I "love" someone, because unless I have an actual relationship with someone, I don't "love" them, but admiring is the first step to loving someone, because when you admire someone, then you ask them out, and later you may be in a relationship with them... so yes, the first step is admiration, which usually takes chemistry, beauty, etc.

Yes I absolutely need more of a reason than they love me. I've broken hearts.

I didn't answer the poll though because pretty much all of them are included in the person I love right now.

Could you please tell me why you love them?

The reason why I ask, is that although I'm getting a bit better at getting girls to like me, I'm having difficulty getting me to like them.

I find them attractive but have trouble making myself love them.

There are so many girls and I find it difficult to choose th right on amidst so much choice. The right one, not just the prettiest one.

The more girls I talk to, the more distant I feel from all of them. Yet if I talk tomorrow just one girl, I could call missing out on the girl who is right for me.

I think it's a mix of things, but I've never been in love yet so I'll let you know once it happens.

I have a small hypothesis to this... I dont think this would ring true for everyone but i am sure a few can relate... I have got to the point now where feeling romantic towards someone is very , very difficult... I think it has to do with all the crap and bullying throughout life... I tend to get used in all my relationships, most recent was no exception, despite mentioning i was feeling vulnerable and that if someone played with my head again there is a very good chance i may not have any trust in anyone again to love...Despite reiterating this and a number of other things and was told to not worry and they would never do such a thing, that thing happened.. Despite being told how great i was, why wasn't i married and why did i not have children? She one day came out and openly said she used me, took advantage of me and seduced me... There is a longer story to this, but i think you get the jist... frankly, this pretty much destroyed me... for the first time in my life i really felt a connection with a person.. it was such a big deal to me... but alas yet again got side swiped... This has really left me in alot of emotional/internal pain, i keep throwing up, and the sadness/anxiety/depression is soo intense it really is a struggle to get through each day... i feel soo exhausted now that just getting through a day takes soo much energy... and through this i have zero emotion for anyone now... its like the last peace of my soul has been taken and stamped on like a peace of meat.. I subconsciously cant trust or feel anything positive towards anyone anymore... So in short, for me, because those extra negative feelings are now soo intense, i cant look at another person and feel attraction towards them, i have had some lovely women try to come on to me recently, but i feel absolutely nothing at all, only sadness... Trust is such a big thing for me and when you have been demolished that many times, your body just closes down to love.... Excuse the rant, but thats my experience of love anyway.. The negative outcome to me now is not worth the prolonged pain... Funny, because it was my only one wish in life.

Everyone I've met has an opinion on finding love, almost everyone of them is different.

Have you considered Polyamory, or even an open relationship?

Sometimes there's more options available than we truly think.

I would find that very confusing

I'm with you there.

I have an additional question for you all.

Do you think that you find love by

a) Choosing the right one
b) Spending a lot of time with the one you're with

I think that when romance develops it may just be because love comes from familiarity. The bond may grow over time.

On the other hand, some people I know say they found the perfect one. So which is it, a or b?

It's something very strong. It happened to me like 6 years ago. I liked girls really much in the meantime but it was not quite the same.

You are NOT getting better at getting them to like you... You are contacting girls from a poor country who would do anything to get out of their poor condition, that Mary girl was also ok with leaving her infant child in her country and come to Australia. But we've told you endless times already and you still behave like you didn't listen to a single word of what we said, so I think we're wasting our time on a lost cause.

All in all, I have found that if somebody loves me, then I could love them back, because people who love me tend to have the qualities which I desire.

^Agreed. Whenever I even think about my special someone, my heart feels all nice and warm, like I'm on fire. I have recently caught myself with a silly grin on my face and feeling happier than before.

Oh well, I was just throwing it out there.



Love isn't a static force, it can't be measured and weighed. It moves, it adapts, it changes, it evolves. Sometimes it just happens suddenly and changes so rapidly. Other times it's so peaceful and so very tranquil, like a gentle tide on a white sandy beach before the backdrop of golden skies and a distant setting sun.

You can choose A, only for to turn out to be the wrong one, but through the process of B, it could prove to the right one.

When people say love is complicated, it's because it is, it is very complicated.

That's OK, no worries.Interesting. Perhaps I shouldn't worry so much about A an focus on B.

Love is complicated. I was hoping I could build a working theoretical model of love but it may be too complex.

The truth is, you could spend decades with someone, and though you learn to love them as a friend, you may never develop a romantic love for them.

I'm curious, why the need to find love, why are you trying so hard to find a woman, what is your end goal?