That "dark voice" in your head?

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Hi, guys, I'm back, and almost through my first semester of college. Life has been crazy lately and I have a lot to talk about.

First of all, like I said before, I have Asperger's (a mild case - most people really just think I'm shy and a bit socially awkward). I also have severe anxiety, and I always have. My anxiety usually takes the form of a little "voice" in the back of my head or a string of uncomfortable or scary thoughts. I've had this voice for as long as I can remember, but I've never been diagnosed with schizophrenia or anything similar. I have a social worker and (temporarily) a stress counselor at college, and I'm probably going to start seeing a psychiatrist soon - my anxiety can really dominate my life at times.

This "voice" might "say" things like "Hey, if I'm struggling so much with college, how can I ever hope to get anywhere in university, especially since I want to live on campus?" or "Wow, I'm 19 and I barely have the guts to talk to girls on a platonic level. Looks like I'm on track to die alone." or "Hmm, my organizational skills suck. I might as well accept that I'll be living with my parents for life." Other times the voice might "say" things to cause anxiety, things like "I'm the voice of the Christian God, and if you don't convert to Christianity/do X/avoid X, you and/or your family will die/go to hell." (I'm not religious. I've tried again and again to be religious and I just can't do it, but this voice, and religious people I see online make me terrified of being wrong). or "Looks like Ebola's reached Texas. It won't be long until I get it and die." (This was a huge source of anxiety for me - at some points last fall I was afraid to leave my house for fear of getting Ebola).

The voice is saying one thing in particular to cause me anxiety right now, but I want to make sure that this is something that happens to other people and not just me before I share it.

I just wanted to ask if anyone else has this "voice". Am I just crazy, or does this happen to a lot of people? Like I said, I feel like a freak a lot of the time and the voice really can scare me, sometimes for very long periods and cause stress that doesn't go away.

Thanks for any replies.

Hmmm, I don't know. This sounds pretty much like anxious thoughts and worrying to me. Everyone probably has these worries about various related things in life. The important thing is what you do next.

I'll tell you a little story. Back in 1993, I was 8 years old, and read an article in one of those "National Enquirer" gossip papers you find in the store. You know, the one's that give the chronology of "Bat Boy", or gives you an update on Oprah Winfrey's hybrid alien baby.

Well, one article was saying that the world was going to end on September 27th, 1993. I spent a lot of time the next however many weeks worrying about that and dreading the day. Then the day came, and I had a sudden sense of doom. Then a new day came, and I felt really stupid, but really wonderful at the same time! So I learned that all that worrying was a waste of my time and energy. That, or Dr. Who did some amazing stuff in London to prevent another annual apocalypse from wiping out humanity.

We all have worries about the future. This voice you hear, I think this is common for many people, even myself. Try doing something to counter act the worry. If you're worried about not getting paid enough, look for a better job. If you're worried about failing a class, start studying hard. If you're worried about talking to female humans, start sitting at the same table as some lady students in a lunchroom. Then try interjecting your thought on a subject they are talking about. You might find yourself making a new friend. I can tell you from experience, that women don't normally bite, and actually can be pretty friendly... most of them at least. I have platonic friendships with women, it's not that much different from men. The one's I know tend to be kind, caring, helpful, and sometimes hold me back from doing something stupid at the wrong time.

The main idea is to take action, and not let yourself be a victim of the "dark voice". Because you don't have to be.

If you're worried about the religious issue, I use to have extreme fears of things like, "if you use the bathroom at the wrong time, you'll go to hell". I would literally freeze up and have overwhelming pains in my chest, and would rock back and forth.

Well, even the people in my Church told me this was just excessive unreasonable worrying, and fretting. One of the scriptures they gave me was this:

Psalm 37:8 - Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.

Fretting is something that we should deny ourselves of. Because there are better and more constructive things we can do with our lives. It's a "self fulfilling prophesy" that only holds us back from doing good. The more we worry about not doing good, the more we fail at doing good. And the more we worry over that. It's a vicious cycle. But there is a way to break it!

I find also, that the more thankful I am to God, the more at peace that I am, the less I worry, and the more motivated I am to get good things done in life. You don't have to be religious to thank God, or even pray.

I'm curious, what things are this "Christian God" voice telling you to do in order to avoid hell? Don't be afraid to let me know. I have probably had to deal with the same thoughts. Let's get to the bottom of this and find a solution here.

Don't let those crazy Christians scare you. the likelihood of that god being real is the same as say Thor or Ganesh. That voice is just your anxiety. I had the same thing when I was a teenager. Treat others how you want to be treated. Stay away from myths and pseudoscience and that voice will fade away

Sounds like OCD to me. Contrary to popular belief OCD is not just being weird about how things are laid out or something. It is an anxiety disorder where if you don't do something (like a ritual), you cannot shake the feeling that something absolutely terrible will happen. I have OCD, but I'm not on medication for it. If you want to go even further into it, I also have what's called Purely Obsessional OCD which is not as physical (like washing my hands 20 times becuase I touched something 'infected', which I also do), it's more like what you're saying "I have these thoughts that something terrible will happen or these thoughts come up that envision me doing something terrible and it freaks me out."

Also real quick if that was the voice of God talking to you, he wouldn't say stuff like that.

Look into the OCD thing. Self diagnosis is good, but professional diagnosis is better.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primarily_obsessional_obsessive_compulsive_disorder

Quick edit, my psychology teacher used to say "There's a difference between being OC and OCD." There are a good amount of people that are OC, which is used in a way as someone who for example can't stop what they're doing until it's done. Few people are OCD, which sounds more like what OP is describing, where it is more disturbing, debilitating, and just will not go away.

All. The. Time. Every waking moment, for all I remember of 37 years of life.

I don't think it's normal.

I don't think it's psychosis either.

I think it's anxiety.

Don't listen to it. Yeah, I know, easier said than done. Go ahead-- laugh at me. It's THAT MUCH easier said than done.

I would LOVE to have a damn script for Xanax. I got one off a friend and took it before I took my kids trick-or-treating. I didn't feel drugged or foggy or "out of it." I felt not-scared, fully present in the situation and not-scared, for almost the first time in my life.

The only other time I've ever felt that way was getting stoned in the woods by myself (and then I still felt like my head was full of wet cotton).

Marijuana is still completely illegal in PA, and I can't spend the rest of my life under a tree by myself.

They say my grandfather was a terror when he was raising his daughters-- a man so dominated by anxiety that it ruled every aspect of his life, and every aspect of his wife and daughters' lives too. I knew a very different man. I knew a man who spoke very little and never showed affection (a grunt meant "I love you too," and a nod was high praise), but who could be relied on to be calm almost no matter what (except driving-- he couldn't do it, and obsessed over how Grandma did it).

Not coincidentally, he had a massive nervous breakdown when I was 3, and spent the rest of his life on Xanax. I really believe it made all the difference in the world for him.

Me too. All the time.
It is anxiety.

I call these "voices" (they are not really voices, they are just negative thoughts) come into my head and tell me how much I suck. I call them my inner demons, and every time I try to do something productive, I "hear" them telling me how I will fail or not be good enough. I have to fight them. It is exhausting, and I live every day with knots in my stomach. I keep fighting them with good thoughts, and I try to focus on the positive. I push through them. I get stuff done, but I think I would be more productive if I didn't have to spend so much energy fighting the negativity.

A lot of it comes from nasty things people said to me in childhood. My confidence really took a beating from all the harsh words and rejection I have experienced.

On the other hand, I have heard the "voice of God", and it is unlike the other voices. It is unlike anything. The voice of God is peaceful. Sometimes firm, but never harsh. Never negative or a put-down. Being a Christian doesn't take away my anxiety, but it helps me battle it.

Thanks for the replies, ladies and gentlemen! I really appreciate it.

These thoughts really can control my life sometimes. Lately this little "voice" has been saying it's the voice of God a lot. When it pops up, it also causes my mind to "fight" itself. I like to think of the conflicting thoughts I get after this voice pops up as two parts of my mind, which I'll call A and B (I know this seems kind of weird, but it's how I think of it).

A involves thoughts like "Would God really threaten to kill my family if I do the wrong thing on the Sabbath day?" and "Is it really reasonable to think that listening to hard rock music will summon demons?" B usually involves thoughts like "But what if it's true? Shouldn't I just listen to this "voice"?"

The thing is, when I'm fairly calm, A feels like the reasonable part of my mind and B feels like the fearful part. But when I'm anxious or having a panic attack, A feels like the pleasure-seeking part of my mind and B feels like the reasonable part.

By the way, I haven't gone back to confront the triggers of any of these anxieties yet. I feel like I need to, but at this point I don't feel ready.

For centuries, people's inner voice has been called their conscience, the voice of their god or gods, a guiding spirit, the voice of Reason, etc.. The problem is when the little weasel melds with your anxiety and starts to take over. I mean, it's *good* and necessary to have an inner voice that says, "don't do that, it will hurt yourself or others". But sometimes you have to learn to reign it in a little. And sometimes you have to learn to recognize when your anxiety has found a way to feed that inner voice instead of allowing it to subsist on its normal, healthy diet of rational thought & learned experience. It takes time, and practice and it really helps if you can find someone to teach it to you.

I still have days where I have to find a moment of quiet, meditate (ie relax and focus) and tell the wee beastie it's getting a bit too...imaginative and creative again. Then I spend the rest of the day just running on rules and rationality instead of feelings and intuition. Sometimes it goes off and sulks, others it yells and rattles its cage. To those around me, it just appears that I'm having an "off" day. Usually by the next day it has calmed down and is back to just being my conscience & inner voice that helps me problem solve by having dialogs inside my head. Sometimes when it gets into a long, droning monolog mode, I'll distract it with a deep technical problem or just a song loop...

Like the others said it sounds like anxiety & it could be an OCD thing like superpentil said. Talk to your psych about that & see if he/she can prescribe something for OCD & anxiety. My anxiety & OCD used to talk to me before I started taking medication for it.

I also suffer from at-times-crippling anxiety and I know how hard it can be. There are many ways to deal with it including medication such as one of the "pams" Ativan, clonazopam, lorezopam, etc. They make my anxiety go away in 5 minutes and it stays gone for a long while.

The danger of the "pams" is that they can be addictive and they can also calm some people down so much that they stop giving a crap about anything, similar to smoking too much weed, if you've ever had that experience. They are a good thing to have on hand for emergencies like those two or three times a week where you're so anxious that you feel like you're going to die. At that point, take on with some water and sit in a corner for 5 minutes until it kicks in. Taking them every day like some people do can be dangerous. Some people get addicted, some do not. Like most helpful drugs, it is a double edged sword. Psychiatrists do not like for you to be on them long term, and may only want you on them for a year or so, after which you are back to square one.

I really don't know what to suggest to you. You may need to find the solution inside yourself rather than externally. Some people find relaxation exercises or finding religion to be helpful. One thing I find extremely soothing is ASMR videos on youtube such as those by FinngamerASMR and massage ASMR. They are basically soothing sounds and soothing voices meant to bring you to a state of relaxation. I often listen to them when I am tense or cant sleep. They are a form of therapy which is free and is accessible to you anywhere you have an internet connection, which is everywhere these days for most people. Please give it a try.

Thanks for the continuing help and suggestions, all of you. I've recently been prescribed lorazepam for use when needed and cipralex for daily use, but really a lot of the time my anxiety does flare up anyway (I've never had a panic attack so bad that I've needed lorazepam). Like I said before, I can try to talk myself out of anxiety - saying things like "God wouldn't threaten my family to force me to conform to some standard", but it still sticks around.

I've tried avoiding anxiety triggers but the thing is if I come across a reminder of a trigger or something that's connected to or related to a trigger, I get panicky. Just as an example, if I come across a picture of someone who's in an iffy/deviant band on Google Images (even if I've only heard one of their songs and then only once), my reaction is pretty much "freak out, worry about demons, close chrome, be very afraid for several hours and not want to use Google Images at all probably for the rest of the day and only very cautiously the next day". There are other reminders of anxiety triggers that I'm less comfortable talking about as well.

I'm sorry for sounding like a scared kid. I've always had really bad anxiety, and I've always had trouble handling it on my own.

You could ask about Buspar in addition to Cipralex. Buspar is specifically for anxiety instead of being an antidepressant or a sedative like the Lorazepam is. It's the one med that helps my anxiety alot without making me feel zoned out. It doesn't really help my OCD thou except by reducing the anxiety aspect of it. I still had compulsions/thoughts & urges but I didn't feel as anxious about it. I take another med for my OCD which helps it alot.