Why do people stare at me when I'm speaking to somebody?

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What I mean is, like when someone I know comes up to me in a public setting and starts up friendly smalltalk, I notice everyone within earshot are staring at me.

I don't talk weird or anything, I know that as I often record myself talking at home. I don't spit or dribble when I talk, definitely not! I don't have (or never have had) language delay so I can speak normally like anyone else.
Normal eye contact is natural to me so it isn't that, and I've even been told I "have a face of a thousand words", which means very expressive as I talk. But my face wouldn't make people stare like that anyway.
And I don't stutter or talk too fast or too loud and no I don't have a lisp. I did for a while when I had a brace but that was like 10 years ago.

I never do odd things with my hands either, like I don't wring my hands or shake or flap them, I know that because I did it for a while when I was a little child but even then I was aware of it then outgrew it when I was like 8.

I could even send a video of me having casual conversation to prove that there is nothing about me enough to make people think "wow what a f*****g freak" so I don't know what it is.

Us Aspies are always taught not to stare because it makes people uncomfortable, so why do it to us?

Probably because they don't care if they're making you uncomfortable.

Well I cant say I've experienced that exact situation. However, I've had people stare at me at work when I was asking a supervisor a question. I'm not sure why they do it. We listen with our ears, not our eyeballs. If I had to guess why they do it, even if it makes you uncomfortable, it's probably because they're doing it subconsciously. They're not purposely staring with the intent to make you feel like a freak. They might find something about you odd, and end up staring.

Maybe because they are bored or there is a lull in their own conversations (have experienced this personally, when talking to someone and there is an awkward silence; the easiest thing to do is direct my attention elsewhere)....

This happens at my school a lot. Whenever a teacher is talking to me, most of the kids stare at me.

Could it be the volume or intonations of your speech? A lot of times people with ASD talk too loudly (for the situation) without knowing it.

Also, reviewing your own recordings may not give you the answer. See if you can get an NT to help you with this.

This is a possibility.



The other possibility is that you are noticing perfectly normal behavior that happens to NTs in similar situations (engaging in small-talk with someone you know but didn't 'arrive' with) but it just makes you really uncomfortable. Small-talk in a public space, to me, is almost an open invitation for other people to talk to you.
On the other hand, if it were a more in-depth conversation wherein it's obvious the 2 people know each other and are talking about stuff largely pertinent to only both of them, if people are staring at you you're probably talking too loudly for the sort of conversation you want to have. But you explicitly said 'small-talk' in the OP, so I don't think this is what's happening.

I suppose it could depend on the situation and what you mean by public place and weather you mean glancing or full on staring at you.
Either way I would be more anxious about some random person just walking up and having a chat could be that's why people are looking to see what the person is doing or wants? If its in work could just be nosy co workers on the other hand if its speaking to a manager or boss they might be trying to see weather your question or request is relevant to them so they don't have to ask themselves. That's just my basic analogy of what you said cant really say more unless the context is a bit more defined but yes I hate people staring though I find myself having a quick glance around sometimes when I am incredibly bored on public transport so that could be another reason why people are looking but yes it depends on how long you mean by staring to be honest a 1 second glance or like excessive 20 second stare.

Yes but these are in places like on buses. One time I got on the bus and it was busy so I had to sit on one of the seats at the front which faced sideways. Then an older lady got on the bus who knows my mum and so knows me, and she sat down near me and was greeting me. I smiled and greeted her back and she asked me how I was and I was like "fine thanks, how are you?" Then she was saying something about the weather and I said something back, and I felt people at the front staring at me, and then when I glanced at them I noticed they were staring so hard at me I thought their eyes would pop out of their heads.

Sometimes I look when there are two or more people having a conversation but there is a fine line between looking and staring. Looking is just looking casually at them as a couple or a group, and staring is like fixing your eyes on a person's eyes for a prolonged amount of time.

And anyway a few weeks ago I got on the bus and there was this man on there who had such a loud, annoying voice, and spoke similar to a toddler (I think he had some learning difficulties or something). He was so distracting, that I did subconsciously look at him, but I didn't stare. And I didn't see anybody else staring at him either. But if that was me speaking loudly and a retarded-like manner, I bet I would get all kinds of funny stares.

It's not fair, makes me not want to talk any more, unless I'm not out in public.

Wow that is pretty nerve wrecking was your conversation just a general catch up with a family friend? Since that itself wouldn't really justify being reason enough for such hardcore staring.Though to be fare generally when people act unreasonable,unusal or erratic on public transport most people just ignore them to avoid a situation unless it is something violent or like taking a pregnant women or old persons seat which would explain why no one stared at the man But yes wow that's pretty off putting from the sounds of it it was not just a small stare but a full on Yes I am looking at you thing.

When people stare at you, make full eye contact and smile warmly.

That usually makes them look away!

I'm guilty of staring at people when I'm on the bus.

That is true it is bad enough accidentally locking eyes with a a random person when glancing around would be 100x worse if you were staring at somebody I suppose and they stared back

I would hold of on the smile though since you would more then likely be annoyed with them already and not want to give them a reason to have a chat and being a female you might get some random guy taking it as signal to innate a conversation if said person is confident/arrogant enough.

You're a young women - you may be a very attractive women to the person(s) who keeps staring at you. Some guys and even some girls can't help but to look at what they find desirable.

Maybe there's something odd about your appearance or posture that makes people think your slow or something & they are surprised at how well you speak.

I try to tell myself that, especially if men stare at me.



Maybe you're right too. I think I look like someone with some sort of mild learning difficulties, but I do sound rather average. Looking like someone with learning difficulties is better to me than looking Autistic. People with learning difficulties seem to become more socially accepted than Autistic people.


But another thing is, I'm good with guessing how somebody is thinking through facial expressions, so different stares can mean different things. Last year I was talking to a close colleague about how I had recently gone on antidepressants because of how depressed I was, and a girl also sat in there who I didn't know much, only as an acquainted colleague, and this girl was staring at me as I was telling the woman about my depression. But this girl staring at me did not make me feel uncomfortable at all, because I could tell her stare was a casual type of stare that meant ''I am concerned and interested about your feelings''. Maybe she felt fond of me, or maybe she had experienced depression before in her life too. Plus she's a colleague, and I like sharing things with my colleagues at work.

But strangers giving me a prolonged stare with a completely blank look on their face makes me feel uncomfortable, because they are strangers and the way they stare at me creeps me out. I have once smiled at a stranger who was staring, and it made her stare even more, as if she was judging me or something. So I gave her another look, then turned away, trying to carry on minding my own business and hoping to make her know that I don't like her staring.