Deep depression since end of high school.

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Since high school has ended and I have graduated, I've found myself falling into a deep depression.

The first couple of weeks were fine - a new sense of freedom and lack of responsibilities, no more pointless schooling, and I recently now am payed the youth allowance by centrelink fortnightly (to Americans, centrelink is the equivalent of social security payments). This also meant my best friend and I could hang out more often (he lives in another city), and I recently got a new girlfriend that made me feel over-the-moon all the time.

In my current situation, getting a job isn't a good idea as my family are moving soon and I want to go with them. A job will get me stuck here. Also, due to my aspergers I find the idea uncomfortable and hard. I want to do volunteer work to get used to doing work before moving up to other things.

There are some potential classes and other opportunities I can take within the next 6 months of living here, but for now I have nothing much to do day in, day out.

But, while my mild depression was stable during this year, I've fallen, fallen hard.

I was already depressed and lonely during high school, and made a great effort to try and meet and get to know as many people as possible because I was afraid of not having friends to spend time with after high school.

My fears have come true and even the good friends that promised they would maintain contact with me have betrayed and abandoned me in my time of need. On facebook they are still clearly hanging out, posting photos up and everything while some of them I knew really well have failed to continue contact with me even when I reached out to them.

My best friend, who lives in another city, I did see him recently, but we can't see each other as often as I'd like to.

My two other friends live in another city even further way. Not just this, but the other city is a top tourist destination (e.g. everything is far more expensive). I am planning to stay with them for a holiday next Easter for a couple weeks, but even then not only is that still a long time away, but it's going to be a very expensive trip even if I minimal spend money.

My girlfriend, I hung out with her a few times a week here and there, but she asked for some 'alone time'/space away from me. I was perfectly fine with this and didn't expect it to be too long. It's been nearly 3 weeks now and still nothing has happened. I've attempted to reach out to her, and at this point have made the initiative myself to plan to meet-up, but I feel so ignored and unloved and feel like this is going nowhere. I wanted to express my concerns to her that our needs are different and one day a week together is all I ask, but I wanted to do this with her in-person.

I am usually a paranoid stress head and have thought up all kinds of unlikely scenarios that she's lost interest, only sees me as a friend now, is ignoring me, wants to break up etc etc. but by the day it feels like at least one of these things or more are more and more true.

The older I get the more and more I see my family for how they truly are and the more fights, arguments and tension have grown. I hate most of them so much. My dad is your typical deadbeat dad and he visited a few weeks ago for about a month but barely did anything with me and my brothers and sisters and the whole time wanted to leave as soon as possible. My other family members are needy, dependent parasites who demand all they can off others (always asking to borrow money, etc.) even if they have a moderate sized income and no children to take care of unlike my hardworking mother with a low income. They are criminals always in trouble with the law even putting my own families lives at risk (criminals knowing where we lived to the point I was afraid to even walk home from school like I normally did for a few weeks) and getting my parents abused by the corrupt police and even recently near Chrismas nontheless some uncles have been arrested/gotten into trouble.

Finally I live in an awful, terrible city in Australia known as Toowoomba. Statistically has the worst traffic in the country, is one of the highest crime rates. There is nothing to do here for anyone, it's supposed to be a 'family oriented' city but all the 'family' events really mean 'stuff so childish no one over 5 will like them'. Other 'entertaining' things to do for fun are things you'd expect 45-65 year old women to like such as cupcakes and tea events, bingo, garden displays and all that other stuff I expect rich middle-aged snobs drinking tea to be at.

If it wasn't obvious, the largest demographic in my city is elderly people, and this shows - most events are tailored to them, or 'family' events.

The art scene is almost non-existent. Visual arts alright but I'm not a visual artist. I am a musician but you'll have no chance if you aren't a Pop Rock or Indie Rock musician, anything else be damned. There is little to no opportunity for actors at the theatre (an interest of mine). Nothing for writers or philosophy.

I hate nightclubs, only sport is hockey, everywhere else is damn expensive. The only possible place I can think of where I might have even the slightest chance of meeting someone is shopping centres and parks.

I feel so damn lonely and also feel if my girlfriend can go weeks and weeks without seeing me and not even seem to miss me I need someone who can fulfill my needs. One day a week isn't that unreasonable. But even if I break up with her I don't want to, only as a last resort because I care about her strongly.

I also don't want to be alone and feel I would just feel worse being single because there is NO place to go to meet anyone, anywhere. Absolutely nowhere. Unless I walk down the road to the big shopping centre every single day and just hang around there all day like a creep in the slight chance I'll run into my soulmate or a new friend.

Clubs and groups are out of the question - nothing for my interests, nothing in general.

And if I do it will be next to impossible to meet anyone. There is NOWHERE. My old city was much better - free swimming pools, the boardwalk, night markets, waterholes, museums, theatres (with auditions plentiful), parks, etc.

And the actual people where I live are just awful anyway. You can't go anywhere, do anything without getting into some sort of trouble. Glares for walking and minding your own business, terrible drivers not using indicators, always someone speeding, nearly every time I go to a shopping centre I hear at least one car alarm indicating a break-in, hear police sirens several times a day. I know every city has bad people but this one is worse than my old city. In toowoomba, you can never go anywhere without coming across trouble.

It's to the point I'm crying nearly every day now. My life feels so nihilistic and meaningless. There is no purpose to exist. No I do not think of suicide, but still feel I'm living a pointless existence.

I remind myself positive thoughts every day 'Your life doesn't have to begin quickly, you're still young, you've got so much time left on this world, your life has only just begun, you're just taking a break right now until you can be ready for your life to begin' but they barely work...

I don't know what to do. I've finally accepted in the past few days how I feel now: Hopeless.

I think it's time to apply for University.

Your town sounds like many towns in America. They're depressing for a lot of people. People usually go to college/university to escape these sorts of towns. It sounds like "deadendsville."

If an alarm sounds, it doesn't necessarily mean that the car is being broken into. It could mean that somebody is searching for his/her car. It could mean another car got to close to the alarm car. Sometimes, even a heavy gust of wind, or thunder, causes car alarms to go off.

It really is a dead end city.

There’s barely any jobs available and it’s hard to find work.

The economy is alright, with a thriving beef industry.

But either way, it’s one of those places you’d think people go to die - and this shows due to the high elderly population. Clearly if the highest population is elderly, they like this city so they can find a nice house to settle down in. My mother jokingly called it a ‘retirement village’.

Other than them it’s a place for the low life criminals, the lost, depressed and hopeless. The only real work is hard labor at the beef factories and stuff, which some people might enjoy but a lot of people might only want out of desperation for money.

It has an extremely false image to the rest of the country. It's 'the biggest inland city in Australia', 'has a thriving beef industry', 'the garden city' (has the highest number of parks in the country, including beautiful Japanese gardens - what's not said is the fact that most of the parks are visually ugly, low-quality, poorly-maintained, and hotspots for criminal activity with many parks having graffiti, broken beer bottles, condoms and even drugs all over the place)

Unfortunately university isn't a good idea at this time. Financially it's fine, just personally. I'm undecided about just what I want to do and study as of yet, and also wanted to take a break from 'schooling' anyway instead of jumping straight into university after high school.

I will do other things though, TAFE (which is essentially short courses of a variety of things), possibly improve at the keyboard, work on my artistic hobbies and interests (already doing so with music), firs aid course, get my learner's liscence, etc. but even with all these 'alternatives' there is still a lot of free time where I could be doing something productive.

I guess I will start the volunteer work as soon as possible then as well.

It's just...there's nothing to really do for 'fun' or to meet new people.

Volunteer work I want to help people and meet new people, sure, TAFE and short courses I want to learn.

But the priority of these things isn't to 'make friends'.

I'm saying there's nothing recreational, except if you're religious (my city also has a very strong religious prescense, with their being more churches/religious centres than SCHOOLS, it feels like there is a church on every corner).