I'm Tired of People Trying to Make Eye Contact with Me

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Magi
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30 Dec 2015, 5:24 pm

sometimes cute girls that dont realize they are see guys get caught staring when they didnt mean to and wonder what everybodys looking at alot too. ive seen that happen a few times.



ZenDen
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30 Dec 2015, 10:13 pm

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
Back in the '50s, when I was in Drivers Ed. the instructor had us take a pop quiz. I missed one question and almost everyone else got it right...I was astounded, and didn't understand why I missed the question, until about 55 years later, on this forum.

The question was: When you're driving and you and another driver arrive and stop at a four-way intersection at the same time, what is the first thing you do? I don't remember my choice on the multiple choice question test, but I remember the correct answer. It was: "Make eye contact with the other driver."

I could never understand why the other kids got it right and I didn't..."What did they know that I didn't?" and finally, thanks to Alex and Wrong Planet, now I know. :D :D :D



They didn't tell you after what the correct answer was?


:D Yep; I found out what they were talking about....and it made sense. If you look at another driver you can better figure out what the other driver intends to do. And, for an NT I guess, making eye contact gives them an added idea of what the other person plans to do....at least they may know the other driver sees them. I sometimes do this now.

I guess the point I was making was that it was a natural thing for the NT kids in the class to make eye contact and to logically decide making eye contact was the first and best answer. But for me, at 15 years old, making eye contact was the last thing I'd think of, and now I know why we were so different in our understanding.

:skull:
Eye contact is me :D aningless to me. I don't drive, but if I did, I would need the other driver to motion with their hands or even mouth something. Just locking eyes with me wouldn't do anything but annoy me.


Yes, for now. But when you drive you learn about things such as "Defensive Driving" which includes watching out for "distracted" drivers, which in our area include the elderly, substance impaired, etc. which, especially with motorcycles have caused avoidable deaths in any part of the country I've lived. I imagine it's similar elsewhere.

So if you can see the other person recognizes your existence by trying to make eye contact with you, you're "that much ahead of the game." :D

It's a "tool" to use along with the other Rules of the Road.



ResilientBrilliance
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31 Dec 2015, 1:40 pm

ZenDen wrote:
Yes, for now. But when you drive you learn about things such as "Defensive Driving" which includes watching out for "distracted" drivers, which in our area include the elderly, substance impaired, etc. which, especially with motorcycles have caused avoidable deaths in any part of the country I've lived. I imagine it's similar elsewhere.

So if you can see the other person recognizes your existence by trying to make eye contact with you, you're "that much ahead of the game." :D

It's a "tool" to use along with the other Rules of the Road.

I can understand the importance of being aware of other drivers. I would probably look at them without necessarily making eye contact. That's just how I am.

You know speaking of "acknowledging existence" I think that's why people try to make eye contact with me. It's like they're begging for my attention like "hey look at me!" Oh well that's their problem. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned noticing this.



Jacoby
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31 Dec 2015, 1:44 pm

I don't even try with eye contact, I just naturally avert. I suppose no one would like being stared at but someone trying to make eye contact with you should be expected.



ZenDen
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31 Dec 2015, 7:12 pm

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
Yes, for now. But when you drive you learn about things such as "Defensive Driving" which includes watching out for "distracted" drivers, which in our area include the elderly, substance impaired, etc. which, especially with motorcycles have caused avoidable deaths in any part of the country I've lived. I imagine it's similar elsewhere.

So if you can see the other person recognizes your existence by trying to make eye contact with you, you're "that much ahead of the game." :D

It's a "tool" to use along with the other Rules of the Road.

I can understand the importance of being aware of other drivers. I would probably look at them without necessarily making eye contact. That's just how I am.

You know speaking of "acknowledging existence" I think that's why people try to make eye contact with me. It's like they're begging for my attention like "hey look at me!" Oh well that's their problem. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned noticing this.


For me, the "eye contact" thing is I've read about it, and studied, on NT folks, the expressions, micro-expressions and cues used by NTs. If you can surreptitiously watch two NTs having a conversation you may see how animated their features are; this is because they are passing along information and some is subtle such as a slight narrowing of the eyes or lips (etc., etc.). If I talk with an "animated" NT I can not keep up with all of this activity (let alone trying to emulate it); so I avoid it. It all seems quite vague to me but this is apparently what NTs prefer. :?

Fortunately, when you're viewing another person through two lavers of windshield glass and many meters of space you're not expected to strike up a conversation...there's only the mutual understanding the other is aware of you... very handy actually.

You say: "You know speaking of "acknowledging existence" I think that's why people try to make eye contact with me. It's like they're begging for my attention like "hey look at me!" Oh well that's their problem. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned noticing this."

I think the average NT is often in "social" mode and open to meeting new people through "initial eye contact."(????). But that last statement sounds like my wishful thinking so I'll just end my post instead of fantasizing. :) :)



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01 Jan 2016, 4:09 am

Magi wrote:
animals are smart enough not to make eye contact with each other nomatter what you do to them. :ninja:


If there's something animals are generally well aware of, it's power relationships and hierarchies. In nature, you don't last long if you don't know who can kill you easily and avoid getting in their way, and you'll be outcompeted if you don't hunt, parasitize or drive off by force those you can afford to.

Unnervingly, this is precisely what we aspies are most oblivious to. Neurotypicals aren't, and won't respect you if they see a weakness that makes it more economical to humiliate you to achieve their ends, taking social costs into account. If you are the one who has to move when waiting in line, and you tarry, they know everyone will get pissed off with you, and won't give two craps how rude they've been to you, so they won't spend extra energy to be nice.


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01 Jan 2016, 11:27 am

Magi wrote:
sometimes cute girls that dont realize they are see guys get caught staring when they didnt mean to and wonder what everybodys looking at alot too. ive seen that happen a few times.

I have noticed that, when I am out in the public, for some odd reason, I do look at the eyes of attractive woman. My intention is not to “communicate” with them. It’s never my intention to talk to them (after all, what would I say to them). But, my eyes do tend to lock onto their eyes. While I am uncertain, it’s possible that I actually will stare (as my eyes tend to gravitate towards things of beauty). If they happen to look in my direction, I will divert my eyes immediately to somewhere else. I have no idea why I do this. But it happens almost automatically. I can stop myself from doing this, but it takes conscious effort (i.e. I need to remind myself to not do this).

As a note, it never crosses my mind what that attractive woman might be thinking when she sees me looking in her direction.