Are they getting married?

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I have feelings for my best friend. I will only date a guy I can see myself marrying. I can see myself marrying him.

Tonight, I saw him holding hands with a lady he works with. I think she's younger than me.
They're also spending the night together. They're cuddling with each other. Are they getting married? Am I a homewrecker for falling in love with him if she's holding hands with him? Is she his wife? She never said anything romantic about him.

I don't know if she'll be a faithful wife for him. Why does she deserve to join his family?

Forgot to add: he put her phone in his pocket for most of the night, and she wore his gloves at the end of the night because she got cold.

What did I do wrong to lose this race to the altar?

You are not a homewrecker for falling in love with someone unavailable. But if he is in a relationship, it would be wrong to try and break them up.

It's hard to know what to say, because you give too few details.

Did you ever date this guy, or have you always remained friends? Does he know how you feel about him?

Do you have reason to think they are getting married? Have they just started going out?

I've never dated. We've been friends for more than 3 years, and I confessed I had a crush on him 2 years ago. He said "he couldn't do anything about it now, maybe eventually." He knows he's my best friend, though. We kiss on the cheek whenever we meet.

Based on his Twitter, this whole thing might have started only within the past week or two. I've never seen him hold hands with a woman as much as her. But I never saw them kiss, or call each other BF and GF, they said they were "friends."

At their store, he's a manager and she's a lower-level employee. (He wants to quit that job and move somewhere else, though.) They have mutual friends who work there. I'm already calling her by her married name.

To me, dating is the beginning of a marriage and I assume everyone dating wants to get married. He's had FWBs within the past several years.

I'm going to hang out with him within the next couple of weeks. What should I ask him about her? Should I ask if they're committed? What should I ask her the next time I see her?

Not everyone who dates wants to get married. They just want to enjoy spending time together in a sexual/romantic way. It may last weeks, it may last years, there's no way to tell.

You need to move on. This is the second time you've asked about him dating someone else. He obviously likes dating for fun and isn't serious about marriage, whereas you are serious about getting married. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want the same things you do.

You don't do anything wrong by having a crush on him. You can't choose who you have feelings for, but the only person you are hurting by being overly concerned about his love life is yourself. He and whoever he's seeing now are enjoying themselves and are totally oblivious to the feelings you have about their lives.

You want to ask, "are you going to marry her?" To be honest he knows you well and that probably wouldn't shock him even though I don't think most people would ask that question, the only exception being overly eager mothers who want to marry their sons and daughters off.

Even if you ask, "is she your girlfriend?" I don't think that would shock him either. But, his love life isn't really any of your business. So don't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk about it.

One of the greatest lessons in life is: not everyone sees the world the same way you do, nor wants the same things you do. We need to just let other people get on with their lives and live our own as we see fit.

Last edited by hurtloam on 02 Jan 2016, 3:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Just found out she's more than 10 YEARS YOUNGER than him (she's 22).

I asked my best friend what he was doing on New Years Eve, and he said he would be "with family." According to pics tagged on Facebook, it was HER family (aka his in-laws)!

I think I wanna puke...

I wanna give you a hug.

It sucks when you're in love with someone and they're off having fun with someone else.

He's your best friend & you don't even know if he's married to her

They're not legally married, but the first date is the beginning of an eternity together. Something just rubs me the wrong way about a 22-year-old getting to spend eternity with my 32-year-old friend.

As I said earlier, they're coworkers, but he wants to quit his job there and move out of state for unrelated reasons. Would that help or hurt their chances of getting married? (Will them not working together anymore help their chance, or will the 3+ hour drive away from her hometown after his planned move hurt it?)

My friend and I also plan to bar-hop in a couple weeks, and I want to ask him if they're committed so I don't overstep my boundaries. I don't want to lose his friendship because he's the close friend I craved for years (inviting me to places and accepting me inside his inner circle of friends).

Apparently, you've been "friend-zoned". This happens when one person simply does not perceive the other as anything more than a friend.

It also seems that you have some difficulty communicating your feelings to him - you are asking strangers questions that you should be asking him instead.

Are they getting married? Is she his wife? Why does she deserve ... ?

Ask him, not us!

This really sucks!

I bet this guy doesn't know how good he would have it with you!

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

But you should forget about him....and seek other people.

He sisterzoned me a couple weeks before I confessed my feelings. He still considers me a good friend.

Well, there you are! No one ever returns from being 'zoned. You would be better off to follow Kraftie's advice and look elsewhere.

AAND his mother-in-law posted a few more family New Years Eve dinner pics. The mother-in-law is friends with him and another friend of his, and his own mother liked the post. He's sitting next to his lucky bride in the only pic of him.

The mother-in-law also remarried not too long ago.

What does this mean?

And how should I treat him now as a friend so I don't look like I'm committing adultery against her? Should I stop kissing him on the cheek?

It means that you are "out of the picture", both literally and figuratively. You would be well off to break off all contact - physical and otherwise - and get on with your own life. No hugs, no kisses, and no moony-eyed states from across the room.

It's over. Let him go.

I don't think I can go to that extreme.