Do many Aspie guys fall in love when a girl is friendly?

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Lifeistoohard
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13 Jan 2016, 10:49 am

This is very tempting to me and probably hard wired into my genetics since I'm a sensitive person.

A few months ago, I was camping with some people from college and a girl (barely knew her before) asked me to kayak with her. We both had fun that 30 minutes. A few hours after that, when some people were hanging out and talking a few feet away from me, I saw the girl walking by and smiled at her, thinking of what to say. She saw me staring and said "Hi" with a nervous smile.

I knew she was a little creeped out with what I did, but I can't help this feeling I get when a girl texts me, hugs me, etc. I feel like this is a sign that I'm going to marry her.



Earthling
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13 Jan 2016, 1:34 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
I can't help this feeling I get when a girl texts me, hugs me, etc. I feel like this is a sign that I'm going to marry her.

Do you know that this is irrational? 8O
IMO this is due to upbringing and life experience.
If you never had girls for friends or girlfriends you don't know what it means when she hugs you or says "hi".
It mostly means nothing, honestly.
Just like with a buddy, saying "hi" just means that. Your buddy has no intention to marry you.
Girls say "hi" and hug so many people... you're just one of 1000000000 people that day.
Might mean that she likes you as a friend, at best. But this is not how it usually works in the dating game! This is just general friendly interaction.
I think the girl in your story just wanted to do some kayaking and needed someone, ANYONE, for that. :|

Tho I remember when I was like 14:

So I can totally understand! :lol: :lol:
True story btw.



Jacoby
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13 Jan 2016, 1:41 pm

Not me, it's more confusing than anything else but that's pretty much the same with guys too but definitely more so women. I think I have some real trust issues, ruined a lot of potentially good things because of paranoia and cluelessness. You realize things after the fact but it's too late then, I can't read people at all and my self-esteem is so low I suspect some sort of cruel ruse even tho I know how irrational that is.



Austinfrom1995
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13 Jan 2016, 1:52 pm

I have barely ever talked to a girl. :cry:

I'm going to be alone for my whole life...


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13 Jan 2016, 2:32 pm

"That woman treated me with common courtesy, was friendly toward me, and tried to engage in a conversation with me. She's obviously my soulmate."

Yeah, I've been there.

Have to say, unless you have a particularly unnerving smile, I can't see why she'd be creeped out. If someone asked me if I wanted to go kayaking with them, and then we did, I'd consider them an acquaintence on nodding/smiling/'hi' terms, for sure.

But - I wouldn't consider them my future spouse.


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nick007
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13 Jan 2016, 3:54 pm

I started liking girls after they were nice to me for abit but I wouldn't say I fell in love with them. None of them were romantically interested in me thou. That ended my friendship with some of em but stayed friends with others. A couple actually were romantically interested in me but they told me they just wanted to be friends so I interpreted that to mean I was in the just friends category. They later got mad at me when i made comments about liking someone else or wanting to find someone & that was the end of our friendship.


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rdos
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13 Jan 2016, 3:57 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
A few months ago, I was camping with some people from college and a girl (barely knew her before) asked me to kayak with her. We both had fun that 30 minutes. A few hours after that, when some people were hanging out and talking a few feet away from me, I saw the girl walking by and smiled at her, thinking of what to say. She saw me staring and said "Hi" with a nervous smile.


30 minutes is all it takes to get a huge crush on a girl that lasts for months or longer. :wink:



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2016, 2:53 pm

I tend to like people who like me much more than people who dislike me.



Feyokien
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14 Jan 2016, 3:02 pm

No and I find it a very stereotypical question to ask.


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houston7199
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14 Jan 2016, 3:11 pm

I usually suppress my urge to "like" a girl Until i know them for instance the girl im interested in at the moment, approached me first ,and she was surprisingly different than most girls. ex very friendly, very physical and i realized she was very similar to me. so i took the time to get to know her about 6-7 months of Talking to her, hanging out with her and meeting her friends. What i have realized now is that not only do i find her Physicaly attractive i find her to have the most beautiful personality in the world, something most people overlook now days. this girl was a good fit for a aspie like me because i knew she wouldnt judge me no matter what i told her, said or how awkward i might be. My only problem is that i have terrible self esteem after years of people telling me what i cant and never will do that i cant get the word out of my mouth to tell her how i feel.



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14 Jan 2016, 4:46 pm

houston7199 wrote:
I usually suppress my urge to "like" a girl Until i know them for instance the girl im interested in at the moment, approached me first ,and she was surprisingly different than most girls. ex very friendly, very physical and i realized she was very similar to me. so i took the time to get to know her about 6-7 months of Talking to her, hanging out with her and meeting her friends. What i have realized now is that not only do i find her Physicaly attractive i find her to have the most beautiful personality in the world, something most people overlook now days. this girl was a good fit for a aspie like me because i knew she wouldnt judge me no matter what i told her, said or how awkward i might be. My only problem is that i have terrible self esteem after years of people telling me what i cant and never will do that i cant get the word out of my mouth to tell her how i feel.


I find in this situation it is good to remember one thing: You have nothing to lose by voicing your intent. Either she will accept in which case congratulations, you have a new girlfriend. If she doesn't, then you know it wasn't meant to be and can let go of all that tension and apprehension you've been holding onto.


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14 Jan 2016, 6:54 pm

Yep, I can be one of your hopeless romantic types who can easily develop a crush on a girl or better yet develop one back if she is attracted to me first.

But I still control myself. I've had friendships with females so I've learned not to let attention from them control how I feel about them. E.g. I'm not going to develop a crush just because I'm called cute and get a friendly hug.

Me developing feelings back has happened twice, possibly more but the two biggest examples are:

11th grade, this girl liked me, asked me out and everything, I developed feelings back, however she had a tendency to play games e.g. hard to get because she wasn't sure how much I liked her and had to do all the work, but I did agree to the date in the first place and thought that should be enough to know I'm interested. So I cancelled the date. Plus, I was a rebound guy. Not like a month or anything, but almost instant. Later on discovered just how much of a crazy girl she was when she very briefly dated my friend.

I've improved though, for the better:

12th grade, this girl I nearly developed a crush on and started to have thoughts of, but decided to suppress it. A few weeks later she is the one who develops a crush on me and I instantly figure it out and it took 30mins to develop feelings back. This girl was actually a nice, decent girl and still something of a friend.

OP, do you also develop feelings back easily, or have you never been in such a situation?



goofygoobers
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14 Jan 2016, 8:15 pm

I've had trouble in the past understanding the difference between someone wanting to be friends or more than that. It's even happened with a couple female friends. I can't tell when someone is flirting or just wanting to be my friend. It's so confusing.



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2016, 8:31 pm

I STILL have trouble sometimes.



dcj123
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14 Jan 2016, 8:33 pm

I was going to get a girlfriend, than I took an arrow in the knee :mrgreen:



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2016, 8:38 pm

I used to gravitate toward ANYBODY who showed any interest in me--

Which was RARE until I reached my mid-20's.