Girls with Asperger's are reading mental scripts always?

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes, I muddle through phone calls.

I dislike making phone calls. I defer them till the last minute.

When I do make phone calls, I feel like a robot. I got according to a prescribed script

(unless I happen to like the voice of someone...then I might get flirtatious).

It's very possible. I recognise the excuse. It's more common than people might realise, even among the non-autistic population. My psychologist and I were discussing my own discomfort with the phone and she mentioned that a sizeable chunk of her patients have the same problem - 40% I think was the figure she quoted. The percentage would probably be lower in the general population, as her sample is biased towards already having some pscyhological issue, but my guess is that there are still plenty of phone avoiders around.

Very interesting. I never considered it because she doesn't have a modern smartphone and therefore doesn't text so I it was that hard, why not upgrade? I do notice that other than me, she usually communicates via Facebook with everyone, even her own family. I did notice on the first few dates she was VERY silent at times and took a long time to reply to me: even today when we talk on the phone the first 30 seconds is highly scripted. Maybe that is why? She does have anxiety issues but my crazy ex had severe anxiety and definitely had no problem using her phone

I script too, constantly. Scripting is one of my most relied-upon coping strategies. I script because (a) I find spontaneous speech, particularly conversation, extremely difficult and (b) I am honest-to-a-fault and scripting reduces the likelihood of unwittingly uttering something inappropriate. It's not 100% successful -- I still find myself at a loss for words and spouting off offensive comments regularly.

I have always been very impulsive and would always say inappropriate things. Then I decided I should better rehearse things before saying them, which didn't really improve things, as I think some of what I said sounded unnatural or out of context. So now I try to just stop and think before I say it - it doesn't always work, but I'm getting there.

(That's why I love the internet. I have plenty of time to think before I type. )

I am always doing this and I even think of conversations that are never going to happen and I always go back and think of things I could have said or asked. I will even think of what to say before I have to go in like if I make an appointment or when I take my kids to their doctor I think of what I am going to tell him so I don't freeze up and go blank. I think my communication is better online than in real life. I mean I am always quiet in my groups and when others talk, I think of a script in my head like how to introduce myself and I listen to what others say about themselves and it gives me an idea.

This is definitely not unique to females.

When I am scripting is the only time I think in words instead of images, and I do spend a lot of time doing it. Every time I learn something new I have to do a bunch of scripting for how I could explain it, because otherwise if someone asks me about it I will have no idea how to explain it even if I know a lot about it. One of the reasons I can talk about my special interests for hours is because I spend a lot of time scripting stuff relating to it so I have a massive collection of things to say. Yesterday my brother got into a conversation with me about autism, and I have been researching it a lot but I have been to busy thinking about how it relates to my life to do much scripting so I drew a blank. Every time there is a pause in a conversation I always take that time to do a bit of scripting that is more pertinent to that exact conversation. Whenever I go off script I find myself talking much slower, stuttering, making grammer mistakes, and being hard to understand. If I find myself in such a situation then I generally try to withdraw from it and I start doing scripting for that situation so that I will be prepared if it happens again. If I can't do that then I generally get quite anxious because my autistic tendencies start showing through more and I find it hard to not make a complete fool out of myself.

I always thought that this was a fairly normal thing, I was quite supprised after hearing that most people don't even have to think about it. I asked my bother about it and sure enough he said that he doesn't have to put any concious thought into forming sentences out of ideas and visa versa, it just kind of happens. My mind is kind of blown right now, this definitely does explain a lot about allistic behavior.

i have "set" responses to certain expected questions, e.g. when asked how i am, i always respond, "good, how are you?" i feel very uncomfortable when asked a question i don't know exactly how to respond to. i've always thought that when it's said that girls with asperger's/autism have "scripts," something along the lines of that is meant.

This never works for me, because the pauses are never long enough. By the time I have my scripted lines prepared, the pause is over and the conversation has moved on without me. The things I wanted to say no longer fit, because we're at a different part of the conversation by then. The whole topic might even be something completely different by the time I've worked what I wanted to say into an acceptable sentence.



I had a similar exchange with NT hubby some time ago. Like mikeman7918, my mind was blown by the concept that most people can apparently talk without thinking through what they say before they say it. Whenever I try to do that the results are generally disastrous.

And yeah, like League Girl, it's much easier on the internet. You use the keyboard to formulate your response, you can slow down as much as you need to and look it over as many times as you want before you actually hit that [submit] button!

I script any conversation that I have chance to - for example, a phone call that I'm making or a conversation that I'm initiating. When meeting up with friends, I try to script for certain topics that I think might come up. However, I accept that life doesn't work that way and that I'll often need to have unscripted conversations, however I then struggle with things like:
- repeating myself
- talking over people/cutting other people off
- getting anxious/stressed when the topic changes before I feel that we've finished the topic we were on
- saying something completely moronic

Scripting, to be honest, isn't anywhere near as successful as it seems like it should be, given how much time I spend on it as an activity. In my head, I script in full sentences and speak smoothly, but even if I've 'rehearsed' I find that when I'm actually having the conversation I stumble, miss things out and generally have an entirely different conversation to the one that I have in my head.

For example, for a call I might imagine:

"Hi. I'm having some trouble paying a bill. I've already tried this, and this, and this, but none of these approaches have worked. Do you have any other suggestions?"

I'll be confident about it. When I start for real:

"Hi. I've got this bill. Something's gone wrong and I was wondering if you could help me?"

Then the person on the other end of the line responds to my complete lack of information by asking for further detail, and the conversation has drifted off script by this point and then there's little hope for me.

Another issue with scripting my conversations is that I have in mind something that I want to talk about with friends, and I've decided that it's important (even though it may not be), and when there's a lull in conversation I then end up needing to bring the topic up, even if it's entirely irrelevant.

(can't delete)

Last edited by nessyboo on 26 Mar 2016, 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

When I was a teenager I would ask online friends on instant messengers to hear what I needed to say before I'd say stuff in real life to others, to make sure what I was saying makes sense.

Then I would use Livejournal to "talk" to myself via private posts.

Now I sort of rehearse what I want to say in my phone diary.

I used to be pretty mute and be unable to start a conversation or keep one going. That has changed, but depending on the person I'm talking to, I may need a lot of time to mentally prepare myself.

I realised recently that I practice conversations in my head almost constantly, not even specific conversations that I might have. It's like almost every thought I have has to be broken down into words and I have to imagine saying it to someone. Then I think about what their reaction might be. If the conversation does happen in real life I'm usually wrong about the response, unless it's a very formal situation I guess.

My brain is constantly filled with imaginary conversations, songs on loop and ruminations

(I posted this earlier but my user name was bugging me so I signed up again so I could change it )

I didn't used to do this. I am not sure when I started. I do it when I have something important to say, especially if I have to confront some one. I some times think about it for days which exacerbates my anxiety. I have always preferred written communication because I have time to think and choose my words more precisely. I find that I am often long winded when speaking off the cuff in attempts of being sure that I am making myself understood. I don't know if I have always been misunderstood and was unaware of it or if it has become more of a problem as I get older. I tend to believe it must be the former because are we not supposed to become more adept with age?

I do this in my head a lot, coming up with ideal conversations in my head. Only problem is that a lot of times my answers end up being more on-the-fly because when I do bring up a topic, people don't always respond like I thought they would. That's when I start mangling my words and sentences. My mouth moves way faster than my brain.

I use mental scripts all the time. I can be an excellent speaker too, if I may say so, given it is a topic I have rehearsed.

If I am caught in a conversation I have not practised, I may blurt out something silly or awkward. I do not have that emotional sense to tell what can be said and what cannot. Oh, but I have excellent manners, and am taught not to discuss matters such as money, health and private affairs.

Thankfully, I am also very bad at reading faces, so I do not have to know when I have said something preposterous.