Un-Lurking to say hi!

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I figured that I would stop lurking in order to say hi to everyone.

I have No idea if I have AS. Many symptoms match, going back many years, but I'm epileptic (lifelong, premature birth problem) and also I was sexually abused at school by my peers (for being 'different', not fitting in with the swearing and ego flexing crowd).

An objective opinions is, naturally, difficult if not impossible to achieve when it comes to analysing oneself, so I'm going to see my GP tomorrow (anemia, anti-convulsant problems and concern over possible AS) and being disabled I should easily get a referral.



Education

Age 5-11: memories sketchy, distinct memories of fitting in less and less as I grew older, terrible at sports due to being clumsy, acutely shy and self-conscious, highest scorer in my year in aptitude tests (IQ 147 to 160).

Drove one teacher to tears as I taught myself basic arithmetic to age 11 levels by age 6 and refused to work after that as I saw no point (very stubborn).

I was also reading engineering manuals about metallurgy and cavitation by age 4 (albeit badly, I still remember them off by heart in my mid-thirties. Fond memories).

Age 12-16: fitted in badly in secondary school, I was shy and never smiled and as I had non-existant social skills (only interested in cmoputers, astronomy and greek mythology) I was an easy target for first taunting, followed by sexual and physical abuse from peers (female and male respectively) until age 16 when I finally got so angry I spun around and knocked one boys front teeth out.

University: loved it, surrounded by computer boffins, got my HND (perennial underachiever ever since I started taking anti-convulsants aged 16 (concentration vanished when I started them **** pills)).

Single, always, hate being touched (for obvious reasons) hate crowds (too overwhelming, I begin counting the teeth on my comb and checking the brickwork for areas that need re-pointing in order to stay calm, focus and stop myself shaking) and certain high pitched sounds. Hypersensitive according to the counsellor I saw last year about the flashbacks and nightmares from school (repressed memories).

Unable to keep a job for more than 2 years (I have a tendency to either actively despise people due to their obsession with office-politics, or to start getting paranoid and over-anxious (triggering seizures due to stress).

No real interest or skill in socializing as:

1) I have a tendency to talk at people rather than to them, especially if the situation involved computers in which case I will talk non-stop.
2) I fail to see the purpose with most people due to their overwhelming obsession with social status and 'coolness' rather than something worthwhile ( computers? naturally I'm biased.. )

Computers, fantasy literature and robot wars are my current interests. Previous interests inclues romantic poetry and 'Space 1999'.

If anyone wants to know, PType=INTP, AQ=42, EQ=6, SQ=58.

Paradoxically, I work in a telephone call centre. This has helped my social skills no end as we have a very rigld script and computer system to work with and I was helped by:
1) training course was first rate
2) increased age and maturity, combined with advice from experienced personnel, helped develop some limited 'rapport building' skills on the phone, although they all follow a mental script designed myself and following certain triggers I look for in a conversation. Intuitive inspiriation in 'rapport' style is not one of my talents.

Hope things are going well for you people, best wishes,
Torak.

Welcome to WrongPlanet! Seems like you've had a typical aspie childhood, but I guess it's up to your GP to decide that. I hope you get a solid diagnosis.

Welcome! Thanks for un-lurking!

Good luck in your appt tomarrow. Let us know how it goes (if you'd like).

BeeBee

Torak=

If anyone wants to know,
PType=INTP, AQ=42, EQ=6, SQ=58.

Ghosthunter=

AQ 38, EQ 17, SQ-server crashed
before AS/HFA level score!

Hmmmmmm?
Torak? "Son of Torak" by Goldkey Comics??????
Any coorolation?????/

I love you honesty and communications.

I am Ghosthunter= HFA and it is nice to
meet you Torak(?son of Stone-reader by G.K comics).

Hmmmm? Welcome to WrongPlanet!

From....
Ghosthunter

Cheers gohstifix, BeeBee, Ghosthunter.

GP appointment tomorrow and he's known me since I was 3 years old, so he'll take me seriously being that I know he's a real professional rather than one of those quacks who like to wave the letters after their name at people.

Ghosthunter:

I got the name Torak from David Eddings books. Torak the maimed God of the Angaraks.
Evil and insane. I liked the name as two syllable names sound good and it has a nice sharp sound.

As for honesty, when we stop being honest to ourselves then sanity disappears with a puff of ego. There's enough of that with the 'cool posse' flexing their wallets and losing their real selves in the desperate quest to be accepted into the "Borg Trendy Collective", as I like to call it.

My communications generally derive from technical document writing as I have never had a real talent for creative writing. I kid myself about writing 'acceptable' poetry but it was rather naff in that the content was all emotion and no imagery, iambics, poor meter at times.

I'm kind of paranoid about grammar and spelling, I can touch type but I get my fingers crossed, which is irritating when you are writing C++ code (database internals were an obsession of mine for a while, but now I know how they work I'm losing interest again).

I got the SQ & EQ from The Guardians website (uk paper, cannot remember url), AQ from wired.com and the PType from a test at a former employer.

The fascinating thing with the PType test was groups with similar types were given limited knowledge of the start and end of a journey and the route, being asked to work it out by exchanging information 'cunningly' to outwit the other team.

Software Developers just swapped info and got it all right.
Sales Personnel haggled and backstabbed over the info and got it wrong, like politicians in their behavior.

The test administrator was shocked at the difference, which I put down to a 'more open, forthright and solution oriented style of thinking' among the programmers (all INTP and INTJ).

I've gone onto a manic talk mode now

The name Torak was in "The Belgariad" and "The Malloreon" series by David Eddings. Good stuff. I've currently reading them all again for about the twentieth time.

Cheers.
Torak.

Fascinating and Cheers back!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

I spoke to my GP today.

He was reluctant to provide a definite diagnosis but conceeded that

1) AS is a possible diagnosis,
2) that it is not a side effect of epilepsy (Temporal Lobe Epilepsy Personality Syndrome is more like schizophrenia, and not recognised by British doctors) or abuse (this dates back further),
3) He cannot provide a definitive diagnosis unless there is a specific issue causing problems (I am content with life at the moment, apart from seizures, mild anemia and mild agoraphobia).
4) He also feels that 'labels' are not needed for many people bearing in mind my contentment with life and lack of immediate and focused issues.

So he wants me to consider AS, any specifics I need help with and think about how I would like to proceed.

I know myself (and my doctor) well enough that I can accept this as a first step to diagnosis and it gives me a chance to consider the situation (I've known him for over 28 years).

One thing to consider is that I don't see myself as having a 'problem', I just see myself as a highly intelligent and rational human being standing in a twilight zone watching a baffling soap-opera being played by most people.

It certainly gives me something to think about and consider for a while.

Cheers,
Torak.

Torak, that is a fantastic metaphor. I couldn't have said it better myself!
Thanks for unlurking and welcome to WrongPlanet!

Thanks for the welcome Magic.

I have been contemplating expounding on the metaphor mentioned above, but philosophy can be a bit grim at times. I might post more on it another time.

Cheers,
Torak.

If I say your name backwards, it sounds like 'carrot'! ...What's up, doc?

Ooh, dat naughty wabbit...

Hey Torak, welcome. Watch out for Pol and Garion!

Welcome Torax!

Where? *chop* argh....

One in the eye for Torak, eh? *cue groans for corny joke*

Haven't read that series for a few weeks now, Reading The Serpentwar Saga (Raymond E Feist) and trying to learn lexx & yacc in linux (mind-bogglingly infuriating book).

Cheers pizzaboss.

I think that may even be a better short description than the classic "I feel like I'm an anthropologist on an alien planet" line.