move my son away from girlfriend, 14, autistic kiddos

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So I have worked really hard to find my son friends and in that time, he met a girl he liked. It's been about 1 1/2 years since they met and they truly are incredibly nice to each other. They of course claim to be in love, which I understand they are still very young, yet I also have many friends who met around 14-15 and eventually married and are still married over 20 years.

My problem is that I want to move out of the country we live in. My son was all for it for many years, but I think I waited to o long and now he doesn't want to move because it would mean being away from her. In a way I feel that they are too young, but then I also know how hard it is for autistics, especially boys, to find a girlfriend and have that type of relationship. I have read and seen documentaries and how much many autistics are depressed by not having that opportunity in their lives, that I feel that I would be failing him if I moved him away. At the same time, although her mother is nice to my son, she is a person who hates autism, thinks autistics are messed up and need to change, which of course, makes me think that even if they can ever have a relationship when they are older, him having a mother in law who will always see him as less than is not necessarily ideal either.

I am so confused as to what to do. Any ideas? Right now I am telling him we can travel 3-4 times a year out of the country, where I want to move to, and stay there a few months at a time and come here to visit, but not sure if that will be ok or not. Honestly, I am worn out from living in this horrible place where most people speaking for autistics are crazy parents who hate autism and treat autistics like they are less than dirt.

Please help.

Its not big deal, he's just a 14 year old kid, don't worry about his "girlfriend".

It's a real dilemma.

Your son has found a good friend, when it's hard to find good friends.

It would be really hard on him should you separate him from his friend.

Is there a really compelling reason why you want to move to another country? (please note: I'm not judging you at all. It would be ridiculous to judge you, not knowing your situations).

Is there a way for them to connect even when far away?

This is a tough situation for relationships or friendships for not just your son but you and other members of the family as well.

I don't advise remaining online contact only if it is for a friendship.

Long-distance relationship especially international is too difficult to sustain in the long run, at least in my opinion and you never know what the person on the other end could be doing when skype/email is turned off (cheating, etc.)

Like you say even if they've known each other for a few years and are going very well together they are both significantly young and it's very possible they could be broken up in one month, two months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, or they could be together for the rest of their lives.

You never know, but I believe it's far more realistic to estimate the lowest amount of times the relationship could possibly continue to last.

They are both only beginning adolescence and there's so much more ups and downs and changes to come on the road to adulthood and there is still various things that will test to see if a relationship will last or not.

I'd list the positive and negatives of leaving the country not just for this situation and your son but for the entire family and what it would mean D

It would also be interesting to know which country you live in and which one you're moving too, because being an American or UK resident moving to China or an African nation is a huge cultural change to adjust to.

You are the parent and it is your call where you live - not a 14 yo kid's. You should not be trying to "sell" the move, nor should you be promising him he can regularly visit his girlfriend to "try to make it work" (if he wants to try, best o'luck to him).

Move if it's in your fam's best interest. It's incumbent upon your kid to make friends there if you do.

^Yes, but shouldn't both the child and the parent also be as happy as possible?

That's the worst case scenario Spiderpig, but I do agree moving to a completely different country is a big change, especially one of a different culture.

There's culture shock to take into consideration, learning an entirely new language, etc.

It does make socialization harder because almost everyone has to start all over again to make friends - friends that will be completely different than their old ones because their new friends were raised in a different culture. Again, that's more serious than one might think.

I've heard moving to many different places frequently, especially while young, can actually be a cause of Social Anxiety Disorder or enhance it - I'm sure moving to a completely different country can also have this effect.

I agree though the son should not dictate if they stay or leave.

It should be up to the parents, but I believe the parents should take ALL factors into consideration affecting the lives of the family members individually and as a whole.

It's perfectly fine though to move to a new country and there are still many benefits. New opportunity to make friends, new culture, etc. If it's for work, it can present a good opportunity. E.g. maybe they were promoted and now moving to another country = higher pay in a new place.

Oh Spiderpig. Moving is not a way to prohibit a 14 yo from having a girlfriend or making friends. Nor is it a way to convey that his feelings aren't worthy of consideration.

A kid does not get to dictate where they live. A kid's love life does not get to dictate where they live.

It's also worth noting that this kid made his own friends and found his own girlfriend - his mom didn't have the ability to get him a life.

Is there a chance he might want to stay with his father so he could still be with his girlfriend

Why doesn't the OP just move herself, and let the boy live with his dad?

This is why I'm choosing to be childfree for life. The sheer powerlessness all children experience while growing up, good reasons nonewithstanding, is just so unpleasant, that I would NEVER want to put someone through it. Of course, the only way to avoid that is to have someone be born in an adult form. Which is biologically impossible, or ever was possible in Earth's entire history. Perhaps we can make that possible on Mars, after we colonize and/or terraform it. After all, given the planet's environment and scarcity of resources, it'll be prohibitively expensive having humans in a non-productive state for 18 years.

It might be a little less than pleasant, though.