Should I ask this?

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I went through college without knowing I had aspergers, I just thought I was quiet and weird. I was just thinking about asking someone I used to go to college whether it would be a surprise to them that I had aspergers.

I just don't really know how other people perceived me, whether it was obvious to them or ... At the time I was in college the aspergers thing was never in my mind.

I guess I'm mainly asking the question because I still have doubts about my diagnosis.

The way I see things like this, is that if you don't ask, it will be stuck on your mind. Having something stuck on my mind is very disturbing for me and if unaddressed puts me in a bad headspace, so as of late I've applied the general rule "If I need to ask something, just ask it!", provided the question isn't offensive, against the law etc of course. It's a good rule, it shows people the true you and puts your mind at ease, it's a win win. Go ahead and ask them I'd say.

If that person is a friend, understands you, and is not ignorant about Asperger's, I would ask that person.

If that person is just an acquaintance and seems ignorant about things, then I wouldn't ask that person.

A) It is socially acceptable to ask that question, but (b) its stupid to think that asking that question will accomplish anything.

Asking aquaintences of the past "did I seem aspie to you" is like asking old aquaintences "did I seem lactose intolerant to you?", or "did I seem Greek Orthodox to you?". It would be a meaningless thing to ask. And the person could only give you meaningless answers, if they gave any answers at all except under exceptional circumstances.

An exceptional circumstance might be that (a)the person knew you a long time, and (b) they happened to also have been a psych major who know WTF aspergers even is. And even in that circumstance its an unprofessional opinion from someone just giving you an impression, and not giving you a real diagnostic test.

Aspergers was an official dx for such a brief period in American history that by the time even most shrinks in America even heard of it it was too late -it had already been taken out of the DSM.

So expecting an actual shrink (unless they are an ASD specialist) to recognize aspergers is asking a lot. Asking a lay person to do that is asking even more.

I admit that what I about to say maybe a generational thing. Maybe young folks today are more aware of aspergers than folks were even a few years ago. But I know that even a few years ago, even young people, were not aware of aspergers as a label. There was an extreme aspie we worked with on my job. I would over hear young folks gossip about him and exchange notes about his odd behavior (including many classic symptoms of aspergers he had like how "he doesnt pick up on social cues"). But only one person (a superviser who had a psych degree) ever said "I suspected that he had aspergers". Aspergers is not like, say being gay, or being a druggie: something that folks have on their radar screen to be aware of.

So folks you knew back in the day might have recognized that you had symptoms of aspergers. But they are not likely to know WTF "aspergers" is. So if you need to ask about it ask them about your symptoms. Dont ask them about the label aspergers itself.

People ... normal people, never think about Asperger's. It doesn't come up in normal conversation... ever. No one mentions it in the news, or talk shows, or regular TV, or newspapers. Bipolar disorder, kleptomania, autism, schizophrenia, psychosis, narcissism, come up far more often than Asperger's. I bet if you stopped a 100 people on the street, and asked them what's Asperger's? ... maybe two or three would know what it is... and if you asked, what's ASD? ... even less. However, people with ASDs ruminate about it for a couple of hours a day.

I sent a written message to someone from my past asking about it without saying the words ASD or Aspergers or autism, etc., who on the rare occasions I saw her seemed very genuine and friendly and "loving". She never answered my message. So I guess she didn't care as much about me as I thought. I don't understand this kind of not ignoring someone in real life and acting all kinds of interested and caring only to be ignored in writing. It burns. I don't recommend writing if you ask because then the person can just ignore you.

I regret ever having shared my diagnosis with former acquaintances, classmates, friends - naively thinking "THIS will help them to understand why I was always having inexplicable problems". In my experience - they don't want to know, they don't care, and they just prefer to think I was a socially awkward failure. No one has ever reacted with compassion or understanding, acknowledging that my struggles and failings weren't entirely my own fault.

Thanks for the opinions. Yeah I guess I won't find out the answer If I don't ask the question, so the rumination will continue. Even if they don't reply, I've done all that I can do to close the issue in my mind . As the saying goes nothing ventured, nothing gained!

As for the not knowing what Aspergers is, here in the UK I would say that people of my age (20s) and younger, who are well educated are aware of it. There have been several programs recently that had people with aspergers, along with other "disabilities" (Kitchen Impossible with Michel Roux Jr, and the undateables - for those who are interested). In general I think over the last ~ 5 - 10 years there has been a greater awareness.

The person is intelligent enough to have heard of it, and I'm not expecting him to know the specifics. In layman's terms the question I want answered is; did I seem more than just an introverted person?

Find out if you have any school records where your teachers made notes about your behavior. Those can be very insightful.

@EzraS Most of my report cards just said I was very quiet and well behaved.