What is overloading like for you?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if people would like to share their different experiences of overloading, someone recently tried to tell me that all sensory overloading was the same and that its just freaking out and getting violent; I know they weren't right but it got me curious. So here is a small description of what some overloading is like for me:

When I'm overloaded, I tend to do stupid things.

I start off fine, then I am doing something which I have to focus on, such as cooking. If I am left alone, I can plan and manage, but if someone starts to talk to me, I struggle to keep on top of what I am doing. At my age I have learned to ask people to leave so I can finish cooking. I don't know why I can watch TV, and juggle several activities without problems, but I cannot handle people talking, especially if I also have to talk. I could be doing nothing and someone talking to me too quickly and not letting me finishing my sentences is just as bad. I start to get more stressed, and I have learned to try to make them go away, but asking nicely does not usually work. They start asking why or getting offended.
I start to trip up over my thoughts, and get tangled and confused. I feel overwhelmed and attacked and like my mind is short circuiting. My head fills with big areas of blank spaces where there used to be thoughts and images and all I can consciously register is pressure and stress and rising anger. I struggle to understand what they are saying and cannot defend myself nor string a coherent sentence together, and usually erupt in anger. They try to fight back but at this point I get angrier because all I need is for it to STOP. STOP. STOP. It does not matter what they are saying because I am incapable of accepting their words as they want me to accept them. They sound far away.

I try to explain when things are calm that they would find I am much more receptive to their talking when I am not already focussing on something, but they just don't understand and they get angry with me when I lose it.

I actually dislike talking altogether. I find it hard work, mentally. I often visualise that I am playing verbal tennis with them and I have to keep moving and making sure I catch their words, and sending appropriately selected words back, and I eventually just get plain tired.
I get similar feelings from shopping too long - the artificial lights and constant stimulation wear me out, even if no-one talks to me.

I understand how frustrating that can be for you.

My usual response to a melt-down is "evacuate!" - I head away from the source of the over-stimulation as quickly as I can, and have been known to keep on going for hours, until the feeling subsides. At the time it is happening, I'm in a daze, unaware of what I'm really doing. People's voices just become a hubbub of noise that I can't interpret, and my visual disturbances get much stronger (light trails, visual snow, migraine type colour patch hallucinations). People have told me that I have been unable to communicate with them at all, and will struggle to get away if they try to prevent it - though I don't generally lash out in a particularly violent way, and have no desire to hurt myself or anyone else.

There have been times that I have woken up in the middle of the night in the middle of a muddy field or churchyard somewhere many miles from where I started, even once in a hole in the road left by workmen! - so I consider myself very fortunate not to have come to any lasting harm from doing this. But getting away is the only thing that really works for me - I have never recovered from a melt-down while remaining in the environment that triggered it. This dates back at least to my teens, when I ran away to "live in the woods" when overwhelmed by exams (I lasted about two days before realising I had the survival skills of a house brick!).

Fortunately, I haven't done this for many years now, as I have learned very well what is likely to overstimulate me, and find ways to manage potential trigger situations. For example, I'll find an excuse to "catch some fresh air" for a little while as often as I need it when out socialising with friends, or excuse myself from meetings to get some peace and quiet in a stall in the men's room.z

I used to have miniature tantrums when I became overloaded sensory-wise. Now, I just walk into another room and decompress, or I wait until I get home and pour myself some bourbon.

The things that set off my sensory overload mode is when too many people are talking at once, and I am trying to follow more than one conversation at a single time. That, and bright lights.

I think my first response is to get angry and irritated. I might start waving my arms around, pacing, and yelling. I'll often remove myself from the situation. If I'm at home, I'll retreat to the bedroom.

If I'm out, I'll get increasingly anxious and feel sick. I will usually force myself to finish what I need to do (like shopping), but probably do it in a hurried and careless fashion because I just want to run away.

I won't let myself act too strangely in public, so I often make myself ill by staying longer or trying to tolerate whatever it is. Then I am extremely irritable and exhausted.

I tend to get fixated on wanting to be alone and do nothing, and get angry and irritable when I can't. I know how it works, so I always try not to show any sign, but it gets really hard when someone starts talking to me, or wants me to do something. I swallow my anger as much as I can, but sometimes it surfaces, and I start yelling at the first person who talks to me. After that I feel embarrassed, but I can't help it. I'm glad it rarely gets that far.

I'm really glad you asked this - I only recently became aware that I'm probably on the spectrum and I've been studying myself. The other day I had the chance to observe myself in such a situation. I work part time as a cashier, and usually with no problems. But if there's a long line, kids making too much noise, a customer asking ridiculous questions, and the phone ringing, I go into robot mode. I struggle to be civil and end up being very stilted in my speech. It takes me forever to come off it, even when things quiet down. If I'm being verbally attacked (my family was notorious for this!) I shut down. Drives my mother nuts but I can't do anything about it!

Well there are lots of different situations. If I'm trying to concentrate on something and my focus gets interrupted it generally annoys me, people see it as me being "crabby". If there are certain sounds that I don't like they really grate on my nerves. If I'm overwhelmed with stress I just "shut down" a little, or a lot. If I'm overwhelmed emotionally I feel like crying, or just cry. I think a lot of times I seem like I'm in a weird mood too when any of those happen.

Clubbing , loud noise , overwhelm of people , too many people looking at me.

Mum intruding my personal space, talk loudly to me. Parents quarreling

Unexpected people to touch me

Makes me shutdown and stress.

A extreme overload of sensory I read is the touch of water on the body. You can imagine how terrible it may be.