How can I convince my parents to let me stay in Year 10?

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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 7 Feb 2016
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22 Feb 2016, 3:54 pm

I just moved to the Isle of Man, in the UK. I need to stay 4 years to get a free university grant, but I only have 3 years left of school. My parents want me to be held back a year, so that I stay in school for 4 years. But this is ridiculous, because I have a 149 IQ. I know I could take a gap year. I don't need to be held back. I can already do university level sciences. They are forcing me to go back to Year 9. What can I do to persuade them?
Also, does anybody know, do they have the legal right to force me? (Particularly as I'm getting high marks). Please do not suggest that I just do it. That is not helpful. My mother does not understand that I most likely have Asperger's, and she is a nightmare to live with. It's hard to explain what she does, but essentially she always has to control things and she is very unpredictable, and she stops me from having routines this way. Am I able to simply say 'no'? I would not like to stay an extra year, and I am already obsessed with biochemistry so I'm sure a gap year would not be harmful to my education. I don't believe that an extra year in school would be beneficial to me socially.


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Joined: 18 May 2011
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22 Feb 2016, 11:17 pm

You want to finish in 3 years, then take a gap year as the 4th year, then you can get a university grant, right?
That seems like a perfect plan to me, why won't your parents agree to this?
It is ridiculous to hold you back in school.

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Joined: 2 Mar 2015
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23 Feb 2016, 9:59 am

Can you get a school counselor to test you for Asperger's?

I would think if you can explain why you were having trouble AND have a sensible plan for how it won't happen again, they will be a lot more likely to let you do this gap year (I don't know what that is, I'm in the US).

If you can't get a counselor to test you, you could take the online RAADS-R and go over the results with them. If you need help interpreting the results, let me know. I am highly neurotypical and I have my own results saved for comparison.


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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
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Location: Houston, Texas

23 Feb 2016, 5:51 pm

I'd recommend avoid all out war with your parents if you can. Instead, just engage in matter-of-fact lobbying. For example, if you're doing well, I don't think a school counselor is going to be all gung-ho in favor of you repeating a grade.

Now, since your mother both likes to control things and is unpredictable, what if you have some weekly activities. This could be any of a wide range of hobbies, interests, job, volunteer work, political activism, etc. For example, if you had an orienteering club which met Tues, Thurs, and some Saturdays, that might provide a skeleton of structure that your mother couldn't make you miss unless she had an exceptionally good reason. That is, hopefully.

And please keep learning and reading on your own. For example, do you also like microbiology a little?

Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 7 Nov 2015
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Location: Bangor

01 Mar 2016, 1:16 pm

(I'm guessing you're from the uk - correct me if I'm wrong)

If your mother is trying to have you held back a year, you can talk to your school and ask if they'd set up a meeting with you and your parents to talk things over. Do you have a Head of Year or a form tutor you can explain the situation to? Your mother may not listen to you, but she may listen to your teachers and/or your head of school. And by having high marks, you are in a good position to tell your teachers that you don't feel you need to be held back a year.

As far as I understand it, your school does not have to accept your mother's request for you to be held back, but there is nothing stopping your mother from withdrawing you from school and attempting to find another school that will hold you back. Not that she'll have much luck - short of faking your date of birth, it's unlikely that a school would put you in a lower age class without good reason.

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