How to start becoming friends with someone?

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Hi,
I recently felt like I want to have more - close - friends. I do have 'friends' in my coworkers, but it's more of a shallow relationship.

However, my problem is always - how do you 'initiate the process' of becoming friends?

I mean, let's say you meet a group of new people. You are all friendly and polite with each other. You think you spot one or two people in this group who you feel drawn to more than the others. You would like to be friends with those people.

How do you know if the other person also thinks you are interesting, or likeable, a potential friend? Or if they just see you as someone they barely know and might exchange polite smalltalk with?

Whenever I had a real friend, it was always the other person who just kind of started talking to me often, and then at some points I felt like we had become friends. So - should I just start talking to those people more? Ask them stuff about themselves? But then where is the borderline to being too intrusive or weird?

I find this difference between friendship and 'just' knowing each other and being on a friendly level really difficult.

I think this is one of my biggest problems with making friends. I hope someone comes along with a good answer.
*Grabs a chair and awaits wise responses*

One thing you can try is to look for opportunities to invite people to hang out with you outside of work.

So, for example, say you're talking to some people you'd like to be friends with at work about a movie you all want to see. You could try asking if they'd like to go see it with you.

I also have difficulty with knowing when I've become friends with someone....to the point where I will actually ask someone "are we friends?"

Well, I don't believe that there is a friendship algorithm or some kind of easy answer to this. Friendship depends on things you can't entirely control, like "chemistry" or "having things in common". But my definition of friendship is very specific, namely the people I can trust and who can take me with all my limitations. So I only have three people I actually consider my friend-friends, and a bunch of acquaintances who I can only talk to when I really feel social.

I think the key to all three of them was an awkward amount of honesty. I literally approached them like "hey, I usually don't socialize much, so sorry if this is weird. But somehow you intrigue me." I know that there's something as "too honest", but personally I did make the observation that for me this whole masquerade about "trying to fit what I think they expect" at first with the idea "once they like me, i can tell them about my flaws but since they already like me they will forgive them" never ever worked out for me. It's always been a waste of time and energy. I also think it's borderline manipulative to pretend you are something you're not, but that's just a reflection of my own experiences.

I think the thing you also need to be very clear about is romantic interest, because one of the biggest problems I had in the past was that my interest was mistaken for romantic interest or sexual interest, and from what I read, that happens to a lot of people with similar issues and it's very frustrating.

Also, I don't really try to befriend your co-workers, because if it doesn't work, I'd still see them everyday. I don't really think work is something to bond over, in compare to let's say a common passion or comparable experiences in the past.

I'm sorry this probably doesn't help you at all. xD

thats a equation i am still trying to find out ..

however most of the befriend 1-1 , funny polite chats and joke , strike common interest , lets hang out end up that the other may think its romantic, sexual interest.

I am just naive

I am guessing that you could become friends with them by greeting them, asking them what they like (comics, games, TV shows etc.) and then asking is they want to hang out with you. I tried this and I managed to get a lot of friends

More in-depth conversation, but while many can intuit what's "too personal" for others it can be harder. Religion, politics, or sexuality are usually the big conflict topics, but it's fine to ask people what they think about other things. The direction a favorite show is going in with a new director, what kind of games they played growing up, etc.