Deception, Or Friendliness?

Post Reply New Topic

This thought has been crossing over my mind the past few days, so I decided to get it off my chest.

This happened not to long ago, so let me tell you what happened.

At lunch, I looked around the cafeteria to see if there was a short line at any of the microwaves. All the microwaves had a long line. So, I saw one that had no line, but it was near the popular kid's table. I was worried what would happen if I went over there. Would they tease me? After about 30 seconds of deciding, I went over there. After I put my food in the microwave, one of they kids there said "Hey, Anonymous Person 101" (I won't reveal my name, unless you already know it) I actually knew her. She then started a handshake with me, then another kid did. Then, the other kid said to me, "We're besties, right?" I barely knew this kid, neither one of us had said a word to each other. Anyways, the two girls started fist-bumping and making cool handshakes with me, and other kids popular and unpopular, started watching me. Then, the most popular girl in my grade asked me, "Can I get a handshake, too?" Before I could give her a handshake, My food was done, and I left.

Ever since that happened, I started thinking, "Was I too naïve and got tricked backed there, or were they just being friendly?"

Anyway, please feel free to share your answers below.

You didn't give the most popular girl a handshake because your food was done,
That was a mistake because now she might see that as a rejection.

It might be pure friendliness but also be on your guard.

Oh man, this is not a pleasant post to answer, because you sound like a nice kid. I am a sociologist who studies autistic adults and something called symbolic interactionism, which is the study of small social actions and their meanings.

There's no reason to shake hands or fist bump at a table while waiting for food to cook. It would make sense if you were outside and you had just walked up, AND you were at least marginal friends with these people. But inside, you were all in the same room together, you saw them on your walk to the microwave and they saw you as you walked up. So that kind of formal greeting was inappropriate.

Another thing that is wrong here is the person saying, "We're besties, right?" Not even real best friends would say that to each other. This person was highlighting the fact that you are NOT close friends, and making a subtle joke that it would be ridiculous for you to be close friends.

The third thing that was wrong is that everyone else was choosing to be in a long line rather than risk having the popular kids talk to them. The popular kids probably made fun of them before, or they saw the kids make fun of other people, so they would rather stand in a long line rather than risk embarrassment.

You didn't see I would call "mild danger cues" that would only put you at risk for embarrassment. As a teenager, maybe embarrassment is a terrible thing right now. But keep in mind that those little games are all that people like that have to amuse themselves. They're shallow and mean spirited. I would avoid them. I don't think they are trying to be your friends.

I'm sorry if this was a harsh post. I'm a mom and I have three nieces your age. I believe it's kinder to be blunt than let a kid walk into something unprepared.

It happened again yesterday, too.

I was making my lunch when one of the girls say "Hi best friend". I then heard some giggles and laughs after one of them said that. Then, when I was making my pizza, they were acting really friendly.

They're definitely making fun of you. I don't even know if they expect you to fall for the joke---they're going to have fun at your expense whether you do or not, but they'll doubtlessly laugh at you even more if they know you do.

One more thing-

The other day, we were watching a video on autism, and one of the lines said:
"Or that kid you made fun of- he/she probably has autism."
They showed this is all classes, btw. So, do you think the message will get through to them, or do you think that they will continue tricking me?

You should have turned around and said something like, "sorry, do I know you?"

If they think about it, they may use it for ammunition against you or someone else. I certainly don't know these kids so I could always be wrong, but I don't think they have friendly or mature intent. I think it will be many years before they will be able to reflect upon their actions and consider others.

My husband has Asperger's. I am neurotypical. We passed an autism awareness sign yesterday. My husband said that if you are the type of person capable of considering whether or not your actions are bothering other people you are probably not the kind of person who needs to be taught about autism anyway.

I see it this way: If I'm your bestie, then you shouldn't mind if I request 50 bucks and don't intend to pay it back. After all, aren't we besties?

I agree.