Have any NT friends expressed...

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Have any NT friends expressed what it's like to be your friend?

I've always wanted to know what it's like to be in their shoes. The best I can get is "she is quiet", "she is hard to read", "she is not very expressive"...

I guess what I want to know is: Do some NT people find it just as difficult to connect with us, as we do with them?

Some of them may believe that we're being "difficult" on purpose...

I've had occasions when somebody told me how it feels to be their friend. Rare occasions, though.

Acquaintances will say critical things like " he is smart but dumb at the same time" which is a reference to book smarts vs Street smarts and basic social skills.

Yes such as references to
A. My switching subjects
B. Strangeness
C. Is more funny when he's not trying to be

I was introduced to some kids as "she's really nice - she just doesn't smile."
Another person said I seem distracted when they are talking to me, but they have learned that I am still paying attention.
I get the "funny when I'm not trying to be" all the time.
From my students and their parents I get comments (positive ones) about how I am not "too nice", meaning that I am firm and clear/direct. That is good for teaching...

People have commented on other people I know who I suspect to be Aspies, saying things like,
"He's not very expressive."
"He doesn't talk."

Yes, I do think NTs find it hard to connect with us.

I had a rehearsal on Tuesday night, and I got an email from the director about another topic. In that email, she commented on how great rehearsal was this week and thanked me for it. I wondered how *this* week was better than any other since I played just as well as all the other weeks. Then I realized that what was different this week was that I talked. I actually interrupted her a couple of times - once with a comment about the music and once with a little story that was related to what she was saying. So that made rehearsal better? Hmmmmmm...

Here's an add on to my previous post.

At the gym in spin classes my endorphins tend to get my legs and mouth going. Lately people have been commenting that I have been quieter than usual.

Those are some interesting responses. I guess a common thread here is that we seem smart because we're often knowledgeable in particular subjects. (Mine was, and still is to some extent, dinosaurs... such a cliché...)

I'm just trying to figure out if I'm the one always being rejected because I seem "different".

I get told some version of, "You're weird, but we love you."

And also that I startle a lot.

A fair few of the above are rather familiar.

I've also been told that trying to get an opinion out of me is frustrating sometimes - like listening to the whole train of thought of all the different viewpoints before I finally make my mind up.

That it's frustrating trying to keep in touch with me (I go long periods without answering phone or e-mail sometimes).

And I have to confess, I have been told that I need to look after myself better quite often (sometimes even that I really, really need a bath!)

I don't think it's openly expressed, but I suspect I'm difficult to connect with. I don't open up easily or talk about myself much by nature and some people take it the wrong way. Oftentimes when people describe me they tell me I'm quiet, or think I'm passionate or nonjudgmental to talk to. So there are some positives.

I am neurotypical and I have had a lot of autistic friends and family members, even way before I studied autism or even knew what it was.

I have had to get comfortable with having a lower intelligence than the people around me, which is not the case when I am around other neurotypicals. I am usually the smart one when I'm around other NTs. I would say most autistic people, even "low spectrum" folks, are tuned into things that I am not, so I would say they are a lot smarter than I am.

It's difficult to know what your autistic friends want or like, and they may lie to you to save your feelings.

I try to act a little less neurotypical myself in an attempt to make them more comfortable. I'm a hugger, for example. I have to remind myself not to do that. I try to look at eyes less.

Hi, So I have a friend who has Aspergers, and he often doesn't return my calls or texts. The thing is when he does answer, it is always nice, and I really like him. So, being that I am shy and don't want to hurt him, what should I do when he doesn't get back to me. I usually just try again a week or two later. Can you give me any advice? Thank you

I'm not very self-aware. I see myself as a talkative person, yet everyone I know who talks about me has described me as "very quiet", (when "ret*d" isn't being flung about, lol!)

Hm. Aspies are intelligent? I get the feeling that I appear less intelligent to those around me. I am constantly thinking about religion or a story, not about my work, and am clumsy verbally. I also tend to take things literally and take a few moments to respond to things, all of which have made me seem quite simple to my peers. :T

Usually aspies know about something atypical in a certain subject. Let's say that you and I are friends and we're discussing something for the first time that we both like. Maybe it's canine soldiers in WWII. If we were both neurotypical, we would probably know about the same amount and we would know the same things. NTs soak up the same types of information as each other. Aspies will be interested in some unique aspect of the subject.

Okay so as we're talking about our shared interest, you would mention something that I'd never heard of. In that moment, you seem to know much more about the subject than I do. Because I would assume (without thinking about it) that we both shared the knowledge that I had, but it now has become clear that you ALSO know about side areas in this subject. It could be that you do not, in fact, know the same things that I do. You may have not found the "common knowledge" interesting and so what stuck in your mind was the side knowledge. Unless we became very good friends and talked constantly about this subject, we would never discover this. I would always have the impression that you knew more, and were probably smarter than me. Neurotypical bystanders would probably also think that you were smarter than me. The only person who might not would be you, who may think the opposite. You might think that I was the smarter one, because I might be talking about things that YOU hadn't heard about.

I know about this because of something I study called "cognitive sociology" which is the study of what kind of knowledge people have.

People with autism have the tendency to be interested in, and be knowledgeable about, esoteric aspects of certain mainstream topics, as well as topics which are esoteric in and of itself.

Making mention of these esoteric aspects tends to invite "huh?" sort of looks from most people.

It can get pretty lonely at times.

Granted; my interests in religion focus mainly on the perception of Hell. I have been told that this topic makes people uncomfortable.

My interests in stories have tended to focus on one character in particular.

Sadly, I do not converse with enough people on such things to know if such religious interests are normal... Those who I do converse with about fiction seem to be interested in how it pertains to the scope of the author's/actors' work... I don't bring up my analysis of my chosen character, and I appear less intelligent because I never paid attention to the actual creators.