Outrider wrote:
So one has to think long, carefully to craft a personalized message that doesn't cause a negative reaction out of the other person.
All this over-thinking can be solved with simply saying 'Hey, how are you?' and just hoping you get a response.
Dead-enders are the worst, but I can't understand why anyone would see the very first message as a 'dead-end message'.
It's the first message, it's the beginning of the conversation.
If someone says hello to me, I react with a hello and/or how are you back.
Don't feel guilty about this if it puts the effort back on them - you're both going to, or at least should be, starting to put in an equal effort by the 5th message beyond.
If not, it's probably not going to work out.
Just quoted the bit I am responding to*
Anyways, I don't think one has to think long and carefully craft a personalized message initially and worry about getting it absolutely perfect..and its certainly not good to over-think it. I just think it helps if a guy looks at the profile and finds something they have in common, doesn't have to be anything very significant...but like they could post 'hey, how are you, I notice you like a lot of the same music as me, have you been to any shows recently?' just something to get a conversation started.
Another of my reasons just 'hello' or 'hows it going' messages didn't really strike my interest is because its common for bots on those sites to send very short and simple messages. I noticed with a lot of the 'hows it going' messeges I didn't respond to and even some I did the profiles got deleted after a short time implying it was either a speed dater without patience to give it some time or a bot.
Also this could be specific to my region, but it's very common for people to say 'hey, hows it going' as they're walking past and just continue on their way without even waiting for a response. So I guess for me part of it is...i have it in my head that saying 'hey hows it going' from passing strangers is just a courtesy and not really an indicator they want details. So I guess it just hasn't struck me as a phrase one would use to imply they're interested in me.
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