Peers taking care of you

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I don't mind when people who are older take care of me. I just feel very weird and iffy when peers take care of me. To me it means they're more capable and established. I'm pretty neutral about that when someone's older since older people are supposed to be more capable and established. I just feel like s**t when people who are my age or younger are like that.

Since I have obvious anxiety and depression I tend to attract caretaker types. All they do is end up making me feel like s**t. When I'm around peers I want real peer interactions. How can I get real peer interactions?

By not seeming like you need to be taken care of.

By standing your ground in discussions.

By looking people in the eye, and conveying confidence in what you say.

You seem to have a knack for fashion. Many other people your age do as well. I believe this will assist you in "equal" peer relationships.

What's going to happen when you are older? At some point the people you will be comfortable with in that role will have to be 90!

It took me until my 30's to learn that some personalities are caregiver-types; it's what makes them feel needed & liked/loved and "successful". Many of them have been that way since they were a child - even their early play reflects it. For some it's a learned behavior, but one they find very gratifying (or it's simply who they learned to be, so it is the most comfortable for them). Please don't make the mistake of thinking that all caregiver-types are taking pity on you and taking care of you only out of their own selflessness...

It's mostly a personal issue. At this moment in my life I would prefer my social life to stay seperate from my care. Once I feel established, I probably won't mind caretaker types as much.

I would agree. All people need "equal" peer relationships that don't involved being dependent on people.

You're definitely on the right track.

And I think you have the wherewithal to succeed at this.

People close to me in age often instinctively fall into the protective role as well, even my sister who's four years younger than me. She was defending me when she was five! I think part of it is that socially and emotionally, I always come across as very vulnerable and naive, because so much in life confuses me, and I voice that confusion in an effort to better understand the world. My anxiety around strangers, as well as the fact that physically I look about fourteen, and my (probably) juvenile exuberance over the things that excite me also encourage people to "take care of" and look out for me. I don't really mind it so much, it makes me feel liked and cared about.

Kraftie is right; the way to make people stop treating you like you need taking care of is to demonstrate that you don't, by being confident and self-assured in yourself and your actions.

My cousin (who lives with me) is only four months older and is the one who takes care of me the most now days when it comes to personal needs. Now that I'm in my teens I feel more comfortable with him helping me get in and out of the tub and stuff like that, than my parents or aunt.