Getting citations from the smile police. Ugh!

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Like many people I have a resting b face. Yesterday at work I was scanning someone's dog food with a hand scanner. I am walking back to my register and this man in the line behind me tells me to smile and that I look so grumpy.
Another time I was waiting on a man and at the end of transaction he says "I have one more request. Smile for me."
Ugh! I usually get it from men.
I've read online that many women get ordered to smile from men. Like men feel that women need to look approachable every nano second of the day.
Since I have aspergers it's worse because a lot of Asperger's people have problems smiling. I'm sick of being punished for thinking deep thoughts instead of kissing everyone's butt. My face has to rest to.
Men don't usually get this crap from what I've heard.
What is your experience with the smile cops?
What have you observed about the gender differences on this topic?

> Men don't usually get this crap from what I've heard.

Not true. (Sounds like standard online sexism.) I'm male and have been told plenty of times (by women) to smile. It is just obnoxious behavior, and neither sex has a monopoly on being obnoxious.

Also featuring...
"Why the long face?"
"Cheer up, it might never happen."
"You'll stick like that if the wind changes direction."
"It takes X muscles to frown, and only Y to smile."
"It won't crack your face, you know."

As far as being less so for men - I don't really have a base-line to compare with, but I have certainly experienced it often enough to really annoy me. I suspect it is less common said by one man to another.

Seconded. Happens to me all the time. It's somewhat irritating.

my husband has offered to pay me to smile.

I have this acquaintance who was used to greet me with "hey, here comes the man who never smiles".

I have had this happen to me many times before. I have also been told that I need to talk more, I was told this by a convenience store worker where I would stop at on my way to work.

"Smile cops", I like it!

Yes, I get it too but it varies vastly from culture to culture. In more introverted cultures you get a break.

Personally I think "ordering" people to smile or look happy is a manifestation of extreme egotism and lack of boundaries.

I agree. They aren't asking you to smile out of care for you, they are asking you to smile *for them*, because that means you like them. I figure the best way to handle it internally is to realize that's gotta mean they have some insecurities of their own...

Of course, and it should be obvious that "making" someone smile won't mean they're happy or feel good.

I'm afraid I'm less tolerant then you, I have a particular dislike for people who deal with their own insecurities on other people's expense if you know what I mean.

But sometime I indulge them, and I'm told my forced grin looks very threatening They never ask again.

Or you could try this

A few months ago I decided to take up smiling. I even had my teeth fixed. Now, if I'm anywhere outside my apartment, I smile. No kidding. 100% of the time. I think it's stupid but it goes over well.

Before that, if somebody told me to smile, I would say, "Why?"

There's too much sadness all around.

I like it when people smile.

I don't ask anybody to smile, though.

I know how it feels not to want to smile.

There's 2 issues, I think. One is not wanting to smile because of sadness. The other is being oblivious of smiling for any reason ever. I'm oblivious.

That's it. I like a genuine smile, not the forced kind. Sometimes when my wife smiles her whole face lights up. One of those is worth a hundred "cursory" ones and then some.

I agree 100%. But I'm finished with being badgered by the smiling police. They wanna see my teeth? Here they are. Now they can (and do) get off my back.

i suppose you live in america. in australia, people do not often presume anything about anyone else.
what if your grandmother just died or something ? what if you have a facial paralysis ?
i never smile on cue, but i am never questioned about it, so i guess maybe being a male and being australian, i am not subjected to this type of pressure.
i can not just wear a smile. when i smile, it creeps over my face and usually has nothing to do with what other people are experiencing. faking smiling is something i look down on people for in a way. people who fake smiles are like liars in a way to me.


if there is no bar code for that request then it can not be charged for, so it is not available.

if you are behind the counter with the scanner in your hand and i have an item that i am next in line to buy, then i will approach regardless of smiles.

i do not know how you are punished for it unless you are made to feel somehow inadequate or guilty about it.
i do not see the sense in smiling except when i find something funny, so no one can convince me i am doing the wrong thing by not forcing myself to smile.

it is curious to me that in most TV ads, everyone who is saying anything is smiling when they say it. it looks stupid to me. how can they smile about what they are saying when what they are saying is just neutral stuff most of the time.
like for a random example, an ad for insurance where a woman says with a constant smile "I never realized i was doing the wrong thing with my insurance plan........etc"
is she smiling because she likes that she was doing the wrong thing?
is she smiling because she wants to look pretty anyway?
is she smiling because she has been told by the advertising executives that she must look like she likes the viewer (who is in her world just the lens of a camera) ?
i worked for a while in an advertising studio and it was astounding to see people talking and smiling to an inanimate camera as if it was their best friend. talking about shoes and stuff.
i am not able to be made feel bad by people who think that that is reality.