I can't get along with anyone
27 Mar 2016, 7:08 am
Every day, every where, any place, any time...people always act super strange around me. I'm so used to people looking nervous or afraid of me. People often giggle around me as well (mostly women or girls, but men/boys as well). Every time I have a friend that is trying to introduce me to a group of his friends that I don't know, I always end up getting into a argument with one of them and I end up freaking out and verbally assault someone or even a group.
I'm new to the city I'm living in now and I probably just lost the only good friend I had just because one of his friends was a complete b***h to me. I love how people turn others against each other.
I was pissed because this one woman was talking trash on me behind my back to another woman in the group. I called her out on it and she denied it, so I lost it and cussed her out and walked away.
I was bullying people on the streets because I was drunk and in a rage. I know it is wrong, but I don't know how to channel my rage and I have no other outlets. I was shouting at people, laughing at them, pretending to hit them, insulting people. I feel like I should just commit suicide. It would just make people happier I'm sure. I'm pretty much ready to give up on humanity because it is too predictable. People are usually c***s when put into groups and I don't think that will ever change. It is just human nature for people to be sh***y and useless.
27 Mar 2016, 7:32 am
I don't know how to help, but I have long had this problem of people seeming to look nervous, uncomfortable or even annoyed/unhappy that they are around me - I seem to make them uneasy, just my presence, without even saying anything. My facial expressions - and even verbal communication, seem to often be misunderstood/misconstrued. It is very frustrating. Right now, I am just working on not talking as much, since it isn't received very well much of the time - not saying that's a permanent solution, but instead of focusing on the verbal, I am focusing in non-verbal communication. One major part of this is outward presentation, i.e. the way that I dress and carry myself. This is what people judge me on first before anything else, and it can influence a lot of how they perceive me from then on, even what I say. It is one thing that I can work on controlling, and I see how much power it has. And then I try to just be polite to people, but I'm working on not just blurting out whatever I want, even when I just genuinely want to connect - that is hard, because I forget myself someties - it seems to sharply swing between being uncomfortably self-conscious to forgetting myself and blurting stuff out. But I want to learn to hold my peace and reserve most real communication for the few I really trust/connect with, and trying to just be polite, respectful, and on the surface for everyone else. That is my current "thing". It may shift/change.
I just wanted to add - I never had an interest in clothes/appearance before. It's just recently when I realized for most of society, clothes actually speak - so appearance can actually be used as a form of communication. So I became interested in trying to control whatever form of communication that I could. Also, it feels nice to be comfortable and like the way that I look, it just opened up a new fun dimension for me. Sorry, that was all a tangent - I know your problems aren't about your clothes. Just saying what I relate to and what I am trying to do about it, though it can't take the full problem away.
27 Mar 2016, 8:19 am
I just wanted to add - I never had an interest in clothes/appearance before. It's just recently when I realized for most of society, clothes actually speak - so appearance can actually be used as a form of communication. So I became interested in trying to control whatever form of communication that I could. Also, it feels nice to be comfortable and like the way that I look, it just opened up a new fun dimension for me. Sorry, that was all a tangent - I know your problems aren't about your clothes. Just saying what I relate to and what I am trying to do about it, though it can't take the full problem away.
Well...with you being a woman, it might be difficult to get tips on what I should wear...unless you can let me know what looks good on a super thin, 5'11", blonde male lol.
I try to wear a smile, but it always feels so forced and goofy in public.
31 Mar 2016, 4:17 pm
Fizzy- I've talked to you (online anyway) and you're great, so anyone who talks smack about you is a loser.
OP- I get what you're saying about growing up abused. That coupled with being autistic can make social interactions awkward. It's hard to know what's normal for your own behavior and for others. But that in and of itself can't be what's making people reject you in real life. I would bet a large amount of money that there is some tiny thing, or a few tiny things that you are unconscious of that are putting people off. Standing too close or too far way, laughing at the wrong time or not at all, something very small that people are picking up on unconsciously.
I study something called symbolic interactionism, which is the the study of tiny social interactions and their meanings. If you are interested in learning about this kind of thing, you might be able to figure out what it is that is putting people off. It may not be something you will want to change, but at least you will have some control.
31 Mar 2016, 10:01 pm
OP- I get what you're saying about growing up abused. That coupled with being autistic can make social interactions awkward. It's hard to know what's normal for your own behavior and for others. But that in and of itself can't be what's making people reject you in real life. I would bet a large amount of money that there is some tiny thing, or a few tiny things that you are unconscious of that are putting people off. Standing too close or too far way, laughing at the wrong time or not at all, something very small that people are picking up on unconsciously.
I study something called symbolic interactionism, which is the the study of tiny social interactions and their meanings. If you are interested in learning about this kind of thing, you might be able to figure out what it is that is putting people off. It may not be something you will want to change, but at least you will have some control.
Hello, yes I actually study about symbolic interactionism, body language and many things like this all the time. I often notice that I sometimes will mention how people will seemingly avoid me in public (avoid eye contact with me at all costs, move away from me if I stand or sit nearby someone, etc.) but people always tell me I'm just "being paranoid". It is annoying because such an ignorant statement completely disregards the existence of symbolic interactionism and besides...they weren't even there with me to witness what always happens! lol
01 Apr 2016, 8:09 am
OP- I get what you're saying about growing up abused. That coupled with being autistic can make social interactions awkward. It's hard to know what's normal for your own behavior and for others. But that in and of itself can't be what's making people reject you in real life. I would bet a large amount of money that there is some tiny thing, or a few tiny things that you are unconscious of that are putting people off. Standing too close or too far way, laughing at the wrong time or not at all, something very small that people are picking up on unconsciously.
I study something called symbolic interactionism, which is the the study of tiny social interactions and their meanings. If you are interested in learning about this kind of thing, you might be able to figure out what it is that is putting people off. It may not be something you will want to change, but at least you will have some control.
Hello, yes I actually study about symbolic interactionism, body language and many things like this all the time. I often notice that I sometimes will mention how people will seemingly avoid me in public (avoid eye contact with me at all costs, move away from me if I stand or sit nearby someone, etc.) but people always tell me I'm just "being paranoid". It is annoying because such an ignorant statement completely disregards the existence of symbolic interactionism and besides...they weren't even there with me to witness what always happens! lol
Have you bumped into the "Uncanny Valley" effect in anything you've been reading? That could explain why people are avoiding your eyes. If you think this is what is happening, you could either 1- say that you are on the spectrum and eye contact is awkward for you, or 2- say that your eyesight is a little off. If people have a reason to think that your eyes might look different than how they are expecting, they will cease to experience any discomfort. If they are less uncomfortable they are very likely to treat you better.
Regular, uneducated people aren't aware of their own social actions. And neurotypicals don't tend to question that the things they've been trained to do aren't natural and that they don't have any innate value or correctness.
02 Apr 2016, 8:28 am
OP- I get what you're saying about growing up abused. That coupled with being autistic can make social interactions awkward. It's hard to know what's normal for your own behavior and for others. But that in and of itself can't be what's making people reject you in real life. I would bet a large amount of money that there is some tiny thing, or a few tiny things that you are unconscious of that are putting people off. Standing too close or too far way, laughing at the wrong time or not at all, something very small that people are picking up on unconsciously.
I study something called symbolic interactionism, which is the the study of tiny social interactions and their meanings. If you are interested in learning about this kind of thing, you might be able to figure out what it is that is putting people off. It may not be something you will want to change, but at least you will have some control.
Hello, yes I actually study about symbolic interactionism, body language and many things like this all the time. I often notice that I sometimes will mention how people will seemingly avoid me in public (avoid eye contact with me at all costs, move away from me if I stand or sit nearby someone, etc.) but people always tell me I'm just "being paranoid". It is annoying because such an ignorant statement completely disregards the existence of symbolic interactionism and besides...they weren't even there with me to witness what always happens! lol
Have you bumped into the "Uncanny Valley" effect in anything you've been reading? That could explain why people are avoiding your eyes. If you think this is what is happening, you could either 1- say that you are on the spectrum and eye contact is awkward for you, or 2- say that your eyesight is a little off. If people have a reason to think that your eyes might look different than how they are expecting, they will cease to experience any discomfort. If they are less uncomfortable they are very likely to treat you better.
Regular, uneducated people aren't aware of their own social actions. And neurotypicals don't tend to question that the things they've been trained to do aren't natural and that they don't have any innate value or correctness.
I have been reading What Every BODY is Saying, which has been teaching me some new things, but most of the book is just going over common sense that I already know.
I have noticed that every time I try to relate to a friend about these awkward situations in public with people, my friends always tell me that they have no idea or that they have never experienced what I experience and it just pisses me off. I actually lost a good friend one time because he kept saying I was paranoid after I explained a situation in detail where someone was definitely laughing about me and he just said that the guy was laughing about something else. It bothered me because it just felt like he didn't give a s**t about something that was truly important to me.
