Im confused

Post Reply New Topic

I came out of a relationship 2 weeks ago, and me and the partner broke up for mutual reasons, one of my friends decided last week to put in touch with someone they knew who had been looking for a boyfriend, i decided to see how things went

what happened next has left me a bit down and really confused

When me and this girl began to text, i thought everything seemed to be going smoothly, she said she felt a bit down, i decided to ask her what was wrong, she replied with "But you hardly know me." Which left me confused and came as a shock, i thought i was being caring and considerate, but i tried to ignore it and focused on trying to get to know her more.

Today i decided to text her and see how she was, she said she was fine, so i asked her what she was up too, and suddenly she said she did not want anything to do with me, we got into an arguement, but i just can;t understand why she was acitng the way she was. She said that i did not give a F**k about her and that i just did not care. But i did, i just have trouble showing it, as is a case with a lot of AS people, i have not texted her since, but what i just don;t get is why she acting so scared and unsettled, im aware she was meeting someone new, but i;ve heard she really wanted a boyfriend, and when a boy comes along, she drives them off by claiming they did not care for her, i did try to care, and i tried to show it, but im mainly down as this seems to be a classic case of NT's misunderstanding the way AS people think and look at things. I did my best, and i can't for the love of god figure out whats happened, i don't see her problem, and i don;t understand if i have done something wrong, and if i did, then i did not mean to. I was merely being me. can anyone help me understand what went wrong, and why?

regards

Chris.

Topher,

Did you just text message with this girl?

And even if you did, you didn't know her long, and there could have been a hundred reasons why she did what she did and it has nothing to do with your AS. It has to do with her.

You did fine. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but from the way it sounds in your post, you probably dodged a bullet. Look at it as the universe looking out for you.

Again, I am sorry it didn't turn out the way you hoped it would.

Metta, Rjaye.

Because she said "you don´t give a F--- about her" towards the end, it leads to me to believe that the "you hardly know me" statement, along with the fact that you respected her wishes was actually a test for you. To see if you would try to pry the information out of her to show that you really were interested and cared about her. Because you didn´t you failed the "test". Don´t worry, I would have failed miserably too, I always try to respect what a girl says. If theres one thing that I´m sure about, its that I´m not a mind reader. Better for you, I think it would be safe to say that more "tests" would have followed had you become involved.

She sounds like she's got some severe issues (as in possible personality disorder type issues). And if she's acting this way when you haven't even met her yet, who knows what you'd have to deal with later on. An NT would have a hard enough time dealing with mind games like that. It's absolute hell for someone with AS - trust me, I've dealt with it before.

You didn't do anything wrong as far as I can tell. Everything you did sounded completely appropriate to me.

Im not letting it get me down I can see your points, im not using ASs as an excuse, but between me and her, there was a lot of misunderstanding, i've simply put it behnd me and move on, nothng else i can do really. Im just going to look ahead and now bother with this girl.

Actually one more thing about this issue i had could use clearing up.

basically, it's the fact she kept on to me with the phrase "But i hardly know you." And i always replied "So why don't we get to know each other?". But that did nto seem regester, but it seemed like the logical response. It's like i was hitting a brick wall. it sounded to me like she was making no effort to try and get to know me. Im really confused about this response. Plus it seems like everytime i meet a girl something always goes horribly wrong.

I don't believe it had anything to do with your AS at all. She was just being a girl and saying one thing when she meant another. When she did the whole but you hardly know me routine, you were supposed to say something like, I don't need to know you to understand a lot of things that happen to people. I can relate to those. Or, you were supposed to beg her to tell you anyway. Ohhhh, come on and tell me. Let it out. You need to tell someone.

It is just a typical NT girl game that NT guys don't get either. They complain about it all the time so I wouldn't let it get you down. Even if you were NT, chances are you wouldn't get it.

It probably has to do with her coming out of a bad relationship and nothing more. Just put it down to bad timing and let it go. You're fine.

Like others have already said, there's any number of potential explanations for her actions. She was "looking for a boyfriend." Is there any way to know how long she's been looking, or how many other guys she may have done nearly the exact same thing to? No. Is there any way to know what she may have gone through in the past that would cause her to act in a certain way, such as how she acted towards you? Yes....but only if she's willing to tell you. The unwillingness to tell you could be tied in to her past, making it even more difficult.

She could be depressed.
She could be having a rough week.
She could have borderline personality disorder. (Can't be abandoned if there's nobody to abandon you.)
She could be looking for someone of a different personality type.
She could be flat-out crazy.
She could be paranoid that guys simply want in her pants, and don't want to get to know her.
She could be issuing this bizarre "test" to any guy that acts like he cares, for the above reason or otherwise.
She could...etc.

She sounds like a head case playing games.

Just stay away and feel lucky you didn't get intertwined into that load of crap.

Some day she will figure out that games do not make for a good relationship. But not today.

I must admit, it came as a suprise to see what she was like, when I was informed she was having trouble finding a partner, now i see why she has trouble, im sure anyone would be put off by her