Don't feel like I am *like* other autistic people

Post Reply New Topic

Am I the only one?

I have empathy for autistic people who have it more severe than me (sorry if that offends anyone), probably more so than most NTs.

Other autistic people say "We are like your child" and feel they are like them and get offended when I saw that I am not. I feel that if my symptoms are not similar to another autistic person's, I don't feel I am *like* them just because they are autistic as well.

For example, there was a boy that I went to middle/high school with who was non-speaking and was not able to participate in regular classes. He was learning life skills. He had sensory issues with sound. However, we both have autism, but are very different.

I feel kind of stupid for feeling this way?

Does anyone else with autism feel this way?

Yes all the time. That is why I even wonder if I am truly on the spectrum and if my psychiatrist made a mistake. I know everyone with it is different so that would be like me saying "I am not like other people with anxiety so I must not have an anxiety disorder" or "I am not like other people who have OCD so I must not have it" or the time I was pregnant "I am not like other pregnant women so I must not be pregnant." Or an NT thinking "I am not like other NT people so I must not be NT."

It's always good to remember that autism comes in all "shapes and sizes."

Why do you think it's called the "autism spectrum?"

I'm fortunate to have been able to succeed in life somewhat. Got married. Have a job. Can do most things.

A person I grew up with, though, is in a group home. Can't speak. Is oblivious to the world around him.

We are both autistic. He is quite different--yet we share similiarities

@kraftiekortie, Maybe the problem is lack of scientific evidence. > such as blood tests, brain scans.

This is a good reminder to me. AS I wait to get my final Dx, so much has been going through my head. So many doubts, so much angst about whether I have been working on the wrong plan.

If I had not read Kraftie's other posts about his difficulties and progress, I would not know, from what I see here, that Kraftie had the level of disabilities he's had to overcome.

It's just good to be reminded of a few simple things. It ain't like the flu. No culture samples, no fevers or other things that I or others have been 'trained' to see as definitive proofs of troubles.

And, by the way, congrats on the marriage thing. I've now burned through three of them. Way to go! Apparently I can get 'em. Just can't keep 'em.

I was very fortunate in lots of ways. I was really quite classically autistic until the age of 5 1/2.

I don't know what got me "out" of the autistic obliviousness--maybe a combination of assiduous application by my mother, and natural "growing up." But I did manage to learn to speak and to learn self-help things really quickly. I couldn't dress myself or speak by my 5th birthday (though I was toilet-trained). By my 6th, I was able to speak "normally" for a 6-year-old, and to dress myself almost fully. By age 6 1/2, I could tie my shoes.

I had the usual struggles of anybody who is seen as being odd and weird, and who was oblivious to virtually all social things. I knew what autism was, but I didn't know I had autism until I found out about Asperger's, even though I was actually diagnosed with autism, had autistic symptoms, and was later diagnosed with brain damage. In my mind, during my childhood I "used to be ret*d," had brain surgery, and became merely a weird kid with social problems.

In relative and objective terms, my struggles weren't all that dramatic--but I thought they were at the time of my struggles.

I volunteered in an Autism Base (it had self-contained classrooms) and found that all the children were very different. Even among, say, all the non-verbal kids it would be difficult to look at one and say 'that's the essence of autism' and then be able to fit another child into that mould.

There are times when I don't feel autistic enough, but there's also times when I do feel autistic.

I'm part of an online community which has a stamping community - you write about yourself on different application forms and they talk about which 'stamp' you could get.

When I write applications for that, I notice it's hard for me to talk about myself honestly if I don't want to sound 'special' (even my wife said so unprompted when she read one of them). My answers definitely go beyond quirky.

I've seen this sentiment expressed over and over on WP. Someone goes to an autistic support group, and comes back saying "I'm not like THOSE people", or meets another autistic and says "I'm not like THAT". I think it's part of autism to feel like you can't relate to other people, even if they share your same neurology. It's also one of the reasons the neurodiversity movement has been hard to organize and slow to take off--because autistics don't always identify with each other so they can work together toward common goals.

I wasn't like any of the other autistic youth in my high school special education classes. I was there because of my Schizoaffective disorder at the time, though. At that time I wasn't diagnosed as autistic, just with NLD (Now I am diagnosed with autistic traits; I didn't qualify for the full diagnosis because the clinician who assessed me used the DSM-IV, where you couldn't be diagnosed with both ASD and a psychotic disorder together, according to her).

Anyway, I have never met anyone who is like me, autistic or not. I don't think I'll ever meet someone like me. Even when I've been hospitalized for my mental illness, I've never met someone like me, even when they share the same diagnosis. So it's not just with autism. It exists on a spectrum, and so everyone on that spectrum will be different.

I do share a lot of traits with other autistics though, like my issues with sensory overload, balance and motor skills, social deficits, narrow interests, resistance to change, occasional issues expressing myself correctly... I was told I had most diagnostic criteria except for bad eye contact, talking loud (although I am quite monotonous), and being obsessed with parts of objects. I think under the new DSM I would qualify for the full ASD diagnosis. But despite all that, I've never met someone, autistic or not, whom I feel is like me.

Last edited by Minionkitty on 13 Apr 2016, 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I feel that way as well, especially when it comes to empathy.
I don't understand why people react a certain way when it comes to situations or experiences, but it's not like I don't care about it. If I hurt them, then I care and I want to know. I don't like to see the people who I love down in the dumps.
I also don't feel as smart as other autistic people. I get A's and B'S in school, but I'm certainly not a genius.
Even sensory input confuse me. I see other autistic people who experience it worse than me, so it makes me wonder if I'm deceiving myself and that I don't actually have sensory issues?

Perhaps it is because we are looking for differences, rather than similarities?

"But I'm not like THAT"

I've done more than most Aspies--married, paid off a mortgage, lived through my spouse's passing.

But, if I look long and hard enough, I can certainly identify with nearly all the issues that most Aspies have.
Face blindness and the inability to forget tiny details--3.1415926 6.022045 x 10^23 stuff like that.
Difficulties with riding a bicycle and driving--though I've now driven over 5 years without an accident.
Cross dominance and remarkable visual memory--flipping through a book and absorbing content

Yeah, I feel like that a lot although it used to be worse when I was largely in denial about being autistic.

One big thing for me is the recent lack of meltdowns. I generally don't let myself get to meltdown level stress, I just make the situation less stressful by whatever means nesesarily which isn't always a good thing. For example if a large work load is what's stressing me out then I just tell myself that I won't do it and if it's some future event then I will exploit my bad working memory and forget about it. It's probably better then having a meltdown in class though.

I think all autistics can have meltdowns. I didn't have them as kid nor do I have them now. But, there was a brief time in my life where I was really stressed because everything happened at once and I did have them.

I was diagnosed with aspergers years ago, and to people around me the diagnosis made sense. I did seem to fall into some of the behaviours and ways of thinking that it described. But sometimes when I read up how others describe their ASD I grow a sense of separation from what they are saying. Even in the WP IRC room, I was once accused of being 'too mild to be a real aspie', and as much as I don't like to admit, it did kind of hurt, because it was something I'd thought about before.

Sometimes it feels like I am a fraud because I grasp things that stereotypically an aspie "shouldn't" understand. I tend to know when someone is joking or is using a metaphor to describe something. Even if I don't always get what they mean the first time I hear them, I can see that they don't mean it literally, because when does anyone have actual butterflies in their stomach anyway? I tend to catch on to sarcasm if it's said in a particularly different tone. It's hard to say exactly what things I miss, though, because if I missed them then I wouldn't know I missed them.

I've only had one notable social meltdown in the last 3 or so years, and I think prior to that probably a decade before. I tend to come across as extremely calm.

It's almost like I am broken but not broken enough to belong. Different but not different enough. Socially oblivious and naive to things, but not oblivious and naive enough. Someone I'd first met online said I seemed pretty normal through text, but once we met face to face there did seem to be "something off" about me (yes, worded like that, no we don't hang out anymore).

Others have told me I'm extremely capable of discussing emotions in a very 'down-to-Earth' way and very good at predicting how others will react and mediating relationship issues between others, which sounds almost entirely contrary to what I usually read about ASD. I've never even been in a 'full fledged relationship'. But then it's also been suggested that it may just be my sharp ability to analyze how people act and react and that I've gotten skilled at distilling people's actions down to core desires and intent, which I can use to suggest advice with, which is apparently a very aspie thing? Someone said that it's a difference between understanding people's emotions intuitively and understanding them as a system, but I'm not sure what the difference is if I'm capable of helping them out just the same.

I'd checked with the doctor who diagnosed me to see how confident he was in the diagnosis, and he assured me I was well within the criteria. But sometimes I read things that make me feel like an intruder and a fake.

I remember from when I was a kid about a few kids I knew, I suspect they may have been autistic. One of them was in my special ed class and he was non verbal and he only said single worlds like "best" and he loved to shoot baskets at recess so he had his very own basketball but he was very quiet. He never made a sound, he never acted out or had any behavior issues nor any aggression, and I don't recall any repetitive behaviors he did. He never showed emotion either so you could take something from him and he would just follow you and he wouldn't react or try and get it back. He could have just had a very low IQ but there was this one other boy in my class who had Down's syndrome and he always shrieked and he was also non verbal and didn't talk much. Either he also had a very low IQ or he was autistic.

Then there was this one boy who was in my third grade class and who also rode my bus in 4th grade. He wasn't very social and he appeared shy and he had an aide who did school work with him. He seemed self centered and when he spoke, it sounded like he was whining and he would shout "don't" whenever you touched him. He also didn't understand a lot of stuff and I think he was literal because one time in music, we were all playing the air flutes and then the teacher told us to hold them and not play them but the boy kept on blowing it so the teacher sprayed stuff on the mouth piece and told him to put it back in the can. He got upset and he said he would tell his mom when he gets home because she told him he has to practice it. He also didn't understand why he couldn't play it when the teacher told him not to and then thought the teacher was wrong for making him putting the flute back and being the end of it for him. You also couldn't have a conversation with him and he would ignore what you would say and he would be talking about his backpack. He talked at you. He never monologued or stimmed but he spent his time pacing on the playground and walking around and I can remember him playing with the straps on his bag on the bus. You could explain rules to him or an school assignment and he wouldn't understand so it was like he spoke a different language even though he spoke English. I felt normal compared to him because I understood a lot more stuff than he did and I knew how to mask to appear normal. One time the bus driver told everyone from another neighborhood that they would no longer be waiting for her at the curb and she told them where they would be waiting. I didn't understand the instructions and it didn't matter because I didn't live in that neighborhood but if I did, I would have just walked around and looked for where other kids were waiting and see where the new bus stops were and then know where I am to wait for the bus. The boy didn't do that so the next day he was at the old bus stop and he chased after the bus and got upset and said to the bus driver when he caught up "You missed me" as if he didn't know what she did was deliberate so she said to him she told them where the new bus stops were and he doesn't wait there anymore. To me it was very obvious she noticed him because he was standing right there and I saw him so she had to see him too and no way in hell could she have not noticed. I would say he was a severe case of Asperger's. He didn't use his eyes and watch others to figure out what to do in situations and the fact he didn't talk to anyone much and couldn't even have a conversation with anyone and the fact he couldn't understand anything and one time we were going to music and he wanted to use the computer but his aide told him he couldn't and he kept saying he could. I think he was being literal there too because when the teacher told him he couldn't use it, he might have thought she was telling him he didn't know how to use it and he was saying he could, not that he couldn't use it now because we were going to music but he wanted to use it and the teacher said he couldn't because it was time to go to music. I knew he was different and not "normal." But he didn't mind wearing jeans, I hated jeans and didn't wear any until 6th grade but he wore them all the time and he was also in the talent show and played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on his harmonica and I would never be in the talent show and perform in front of anyone because I didn't have any special skill and the fact I would have been too nervous. Just shows how different we all are. I have thought about he could have had a social communication disorder instead since he didn't show any stimming or any special interests or any need for routine but how would I know he has any special interests and also he could still fit the new ASD criteria if he had sensory issues and you only need to meet two in the second part. It would be interesting to know what he is like today to see how much he had evolved and how much he has learned and if he became successful or just still living at home with his parents. The other two, probably not as independent and might either be living in groups homes or still living at home. The thing about this kid here is I felt I was exactly like him when I was a very young child because I also didn't understand anything and I was also "selfish" like him and then I grew so I had come a long way by then and this kid was only seven or eight years old and was very much like when I was four years old or five and then I slowly started to change so by age nine it was a lot of change there so if I had evolved, he probably has too but it just took him longer so who knows how he is doing today and how different he is now than he was when he was in elementary school.

I went through a period of denial between for quite a few years until 2007 and than I've realized that maybe I have more problems than I thought.