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aiyana
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Joined: 15 Apr 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
Location: USA

15 Apr 2016, 9:31 pm

I'm a 36-year-old American female. I have always had a lot of weird crap about me, but I've always attributed it to various other things. For example, since childhood, I've been obsessed with making lists. I thought that was an OCD trait. I do this weird thing where I widen my left eye and then my right. I also thought this was OCD. I am not a very social person and have had issues with friendships throughout my life. I thought this was introversion. I hate hugging or touching people unless they are my husband or a very small child. I thought this was because I was raised by reserved, non-huggy parents. I could go on and on. I could write a list of probably thirty or forty weird things about me, all of which have a "well, that's just because...." explanation attached.

As I've grown older, some of these issues have become more highlighted than before. One of my worst issues is with touching other people. I have four children (ages 2, 6, 13, and 16). I have no issue with touching/hugging/cuddling babies and toddlers, but as they grow towards adulthood, I have an extremely strong aversion (you could even say I feel revolted) at the idea of touching, being hugged, etc. My oldest child isn't a big touchy person, so it's not a big thing. But my 13-year-old daughter is a super-extroverted, veeeeery physical person. Lately she's been putting intense pressure on me to be more touchy and feely and emotional and social. I was doing some self-examination as to why I resist it so much, and it led me to reading about Asperger's.

As I continued to read, more and more stuff popped out at me, like, "Holy. Crap." Spatial issues? Yes. I didn't get my driver's license until 26, JUST learned to drive on the interstate a year ago, and still do not parallel park. I couldn't parallel park with a gun to my head. "Little professor syndrome"? Yes. Both my husband and my ex frequently tell/told me that I "talked down" to them, and that I never knew when to shut up. I struggle with verbal instructions... I'm disorganized as hell... I'm obsessed with dates (to this day, I can tell you the birthdays of at least a hundred people who I haven't seen in 15-plus years). I live pretty much in my head... to the point where I can get pissed off at people for interrupting the flow of it. I talk to myself. Not your typical "gah, where is my WALLET" sort of talking-to-myself. I actually "narrate" my life, or talk as though there's someone in the room. It's not at all unusual to see me narrating a conversation, the same way I'm typing here, but out loud, in a more conversational tone, to no one. I'm not schizophrenic... I never actually believe that my "audience" is real... but I do it nonetheless, daily.

One of my first social memories is of a playdate with my neighbor. I was in second grade and she was in first. I attempted to get her to "make lists" with me, as that was one of my favorite activities. When she balked after participating for a few minutes, I told her, "Don't worry! When you're in second grade, you'll like it." Innocently, I believed that she was just too "little" to like making lists, rather than knowing that it wasn't something any normal kid liked doing. Lists of names are my favorite, but I also like to make lists of random things like how many different toilets I've used in my life. Seriously. I'll get out my phone and open up the calculator, and say, "OK. Mom and Dad's house has two toilets, and I've used them both," and then I'll enter "2" in the calculator. "My house has one." 2 + 1 = 3. My high school probably had ten, and I'm sure I used all of them at some point. 3 + 10 + 13.

I can't tell you how many times I've done something like this. I also like to figure out how many days I've been alive (and I can tell you right now, without even doing the math, that it's somewhere between 12 and 13,000.) I'll make sure to account for all the Leap Years. And then I'll minus one digit for every single new thing I've done in life. So, I've tried broccoli, I've tried potatoes, I've tried apples. That's three. I'll think of all the foods I've tried... all the songs I've heard... all the people I've met... minus one, minus one, minus one. The point of this "game" is to see whether or not I've had at least one new experience per day that I've lived. I do this crap for fun.

All of these things, plus many others, make me think Asperger's. But here's where I doubt. I don't have problems with humor. I don't have problems with basic socialization. I don't think that people who meet me come away thinking, "There's something off about her." A lot of my issues are deeper, more in my head. Unless you live with me, then you might start seeing some of these things.

I'd like to get a professional diagnosis, but due to bad insurance coverage and lack of personal funds, I'm not sure if/when this will happen. I just wanted to talk to some people online who could possibly understand or offer some insight.

Thanks for reading.



Last edited by aiyana on 16 Apr 2016, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

aiyana
Emu Egg
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Joined: 15 Apr 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
Location: USA

15 Apr 2016, 10:38 pm

bumping my post so it can move past all of the spam...



StarTrekker
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16 Apr 2016, 12:01 am

Welcome to WP :) I resonate with a lot of what you said; I also have a penchant for lists and dates. For some reason, I can't remember peoples' birthdays at all, but I remember other, seemingly irrelevant dates, like the fact that my social skills group started on January 28th this semester, or my college professor wrote a letter of recommendation for me on April 7th three years ago. If I happen to take note of the date on which something occurred, I never forget it.

I love making lists of my special interests, like dinosaur names and Star Trek characters. I once spent an entire evening at work mentally alphabetizing all the characters from the five different Star Trek series by last (or only) name. During my autism evaluation I was given an IQ test, and at one point was asked to recite the names of as many animals as I could in one minute. Every name I gave was a dinosaur species.


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josh338
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Joined: 23 Apr 2016
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Posts: 112
Location: Connecticut

24 Apr 2016, 10:27 pm

As someone who's in a somewhat similar boat, I empathize! I wonder if you've taken any of the online screening tests? AQ, Aspie Quiz, RAADS-R, etc. They aren't the final word on diagnostics but if you get a high score, it does make Asperger's much more likely -- and that in turn could make it easier to get the insurance company to pay for a professional assessment.