No social circle after high school

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Quantum
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 30 Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 214
Location: Sweden

28 Apr 2016, 1:43 pm

Hello everyone,

I'm almost done with high school and I'm starting to get strong feelings of sadness and anxiety because of the graduation. For 2 years I have tried to get used with my class, and the third year I managed to actually do that. However, I don't want to leave this social circle after graduation and it's making me sad, I don't want to end up completely lonely and isolated like after 9th grade.

What should I do? Simply accept it and move on, accepting these very debilitating emotions? I don't want to end up in university where it's likely to be 100 times more difficult to make friends compared to high school. After all these years with my classmates it feels as if they are part of my family (since I like them more than my family), don't think I can manage life post-graduation.



gcfleetwood
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 29 Jul 2013
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Posts: 9

30 Apr 2016, 12:14 am

Obviously it's not exactly helpful, but what other option do you have? Wallow in self-pity? That'll just make it worse, and make the rest of your life suck even after you get over it.

All insensitivity aside, you get used to it. Third year student myself. Barely had friends in high school, only have one here now after about three years. Maybe two, depends on how you define "friend". That's not really important though, it's how I am. Depending on the size of your school, you're very likely to meet someone. Usually within your field, or a similar field. That's always a plus because you'll generally share interests, even beyond your field. Distinct fields tend to draw a certain type of person. It can be rough for a while, the best thing to do is just power through, in my experience and, if you can, keep in touch with people you know. Sure it's less involved, and generally less fulfilling, interaction, but it's something to hold you over.

Side note, I don't know if you live in dormitories in Swedish Universities, but be sure to go out if you do. I spent a lot of time my first two years alone in my room. Way too much time. Made me crazy. I get a lot more now, keeps me sane. Don't necessarily need to talk to anyone, just good to have some kind of stimulation that doesn't come from a screen. In my experience at least, could be different for other people.



KAS
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 52
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Posts: 67

30 Apr 2016, 1:21 pm

College can be both harder and easier for social.

More difficult because more people.

BUT, choose something you really love. Take a class and before class talk to people who are in the class. Listen to people who are talking to others and think if you would like to say hello to one of them based on what they said or how they said it. Look for others who seem really into the class and sit near them to say hello.

If you can, get to the classroom before the class and find a place to sit that feels good to you. I found it was SO much easier to connect to people when already comfortable.

College has special interest clubs-- check them out.

My husband taught himself to talk to anyone. He said it worked well because some people would dislike him and avoid him, and others would like him and seek him out. He said it was the most efficient way to find people for friends. Just be totally yourself and let them sort themselves out. Mostly he got known on campus as that really weird guy, but he didn't care because he found people to have as friends. I find his method terrifying but I must admit there is logic to it.

A social circle is important. Over the years I have gone into many groups and then left them because after giving it a year of attending meetings and functions I was not able to connect and make a friend with that group-- so go looking for another social group that shares some interest of mine and I try them.

Testing out new social groups is stressful. I find it works best if I can plan ahead and give myself lots of time destressing before the meeting or event and a couple days after. So if the big test is the morning after a social event-- skip it unless you are meeting a friend there and can be fairly certain to have fun, leave early and go home to rest up for the test.

I keep in touch with people via Facebook. I have two friends from my old home town. One from high school. Two from a club I joined in my 20's. One from college. One from church. There are groups/clubs for nearly any interest. This provides interesting connections via the computer if not locally. Where I live now I have ONE non-family member with whom I socialize locally apart from the many people I know from church, AHG, and SCA. I keep working to grow that to two.

Tonight I go to a social gathering of SCA people and while they are interesting, I am not currently seeing a friend in the crowd. But I like SCA so I forgive the lack of friend material in the local group and attend for me.


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KAS