30 Apr 2016, 7:37 pm
...I missed the college experience . At least I tell myself , sometimes , I'll do that , if I never manage to , even at this belated age , be " a college student " even briefly .
I know I've posted about this at WP in general before .
(Note: Strictly literally , I have half-assedly went to college a little when young . It wasn't " full-fledged " , and it wasn't under the right circumstances .)
I tell myself I might , as I said , on my deathbed , if I never experience it , cry .
Now , maybe , yes , as something I want but neve got, it's something I want .
But , I do want it .
I have thought that , even if I got (and I mean going as a full-time residential staudent at a " normal , four-year " college) to go belatedly , I might occasionally cry , seeing the young people enjoying it full-fledged in their time , when I didn't 
- but still , I might be happy sometimes .)
On a certain level , I've thought it might have to be a MaFoundation-level " Let's have a little taste , before he dies ~ More cheerfullness later .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
01 May 2016, 6:41 pm
...It was " Make A Wish Foundation " that I wrote above .
My hopes are slightly on the upswing now for the possibility of this someday happening - wich means , kind of , just " up from utterly despairing ' It will never happen ' ! " .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
02 May 2016, 8:20 pm
Hugs: 
Would online classes work? Or am I just totally naive?
08 May 2016, 3:12 pm
08 May 2016, 5:31 pm
...Thank you , but , no . I don't even own a computer:-(! !! !! !! !! !!
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
21 May 2016, 2:30 pm
...I can do this . I can imagine the day of my death , and thinking of the " ship " (going to college) that passed me by -
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
02 Jul 2016, 8:39 pm
can i ask, what % of your life have you been homeless?
05 Jul 2016, 5:10 pm
...(This includes periods of ~ like right now ~ being housed , in " ' ex-homeless '-type situations that didn't work out or temporary things , etc.)
Since about the political conventions' time in 1996 .
20 years-ish now then .
I was HL before , too , in (I think) 1985-87 .
can i ask, what % of your life have you been homeless?
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
05 Jul 2016, 6:46 pm
Since about the political conventions' time in 1996 .
20 years-ish now then
.I was HL before , too , in (I think) 1985-87
.can i ask, what % of your life have you been homeless?
I've always been saddened by your situation ASS-P...I know your life is very hard and your health very poor.
So you became homeless when you were ~36 yoa.
What was your adult life like(ie.from age 18 - 36 yoa) before your homeless life began?
Have you ever had a life partner?
What kind of work have you done?
06 Jul 2016, 5:32 pm
...A little depressed/time-low to go into that now .
Since about the political conventions' time in 1996 .
20 years-ish now then
.I was HL before , too , in (I think) 1985-87
.can i ask, what % of your life have you been homeless?
I've always been saddened by your situation ASS-P...I know your life is very hard and your health very poor.
So you became homeless when you were ~36 yoa.
What was your adult life like(ie.from age 18 - 36 yoa) before your homeless life began?
Have you ever had a life partner?
What kind of work have you done?
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
07 Jul 2016, 4:50 pm
...I never really got the step-ff/acess into " normal " life , work or social life .
Perhaps this is what would have developed anyway had I been , like I imagine modern-day Aspies to be , DX'd and treated/on an " Aspie " track early on ~ As it is , though I've been (in later years) on my own , I haven't established a , so-called , " normal " life or worked .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
07 Jul 2016, 11:59 pm
.Perhaps this is what would have developed anyway had I been , like I imagine modern-day Aspies to be , DX'd and treated/on an " Aspie " track early on ~ As it is , though I've been (in later years) on my own , I haven't established a , so-called , " normal " life or worked
. Sry to hear.Most ppl I've encountered that are/were on the streets ended up there because of their childhood being really rough/chaotic/abusive.
Being on the streets was bad but home and family was worse....lots of drugs/violence etc....
Do you meet a lot of Aspies out there?
08 Jul 2016, 6:10 pm
...It sort of seems like my whole life from 1978 to '96-ish or so has retreated into another world ~ In those years I was very music-oriented , always telling myself I'd have a band ~ be a college radio DJ - get a fanzine out - I never did .
Now , so homeless and stuff my music interest rather retreated - since I can access YT some , it's reawakened some but it's even more looking into the past ~ In the past , I was rather " indie-garage-punk "-oriented , so to speak but always kind of " on the outside , not able to access things " .
.Perhaps this is what would have developed anyway had I been , like I imagine modern-day Aspies to be , DX'd and treated/on an " Aspie " track early on ~ As it is , though I've been (in later years) on my own , I haven't established a , so-called , " normal " life or worked
. Sry to hear.Most ppl I've encountered that are/were on the streets ended up there because of their childhood being really rough/chaotic/abusive.
Being on the streets was bad but home and family was worse....lots of drugs/violence etc....
Do you meet a lot of Aspies out there?
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
08 Jul 2016, 6:57 pm
01 Aug 2016, 5:59 pm
...The idea of " going to college " is rather an idea of a door that I have to pass through before I can go on ~ to whatever . To WHAT 
:cry 
: ???????????
If ou would like me to get paid employment ~ What other way do you think there is that I might , eventually , get an employer to pay me more than SSDI but get the increased knowledge/skills - and status , and connections - of college .
And , fine , late though it is , I want a touch of what i never truly had . And being " an overaged college student " is certainly a step up in social status from " ex-homeless dude shuffling around the f*****g Tenderloin area " 
! !! !! !! !! !! Eating at the cafeteria , sleeping in the dorm ~ Sounds nice to me .
Sometimes , in depressed/make-myself-depressed moments , I think of never going ever , being old(-er) - and I will at least start to cry . aybe it's even internalizing a censore saying " No , no no ! You must be practical ~ It's oo late for you , you cannot go ! " (I started to tear up writing that , so I thought I'd put up another tear-con after all , even though I thought I'd cut down on my doing of it ~ since I really did it then .)
I do wonder if I would be up to college physically , period .
And , too , on a certain level I thought I might have to have any uni (the use an Australian term I'll borrow here ~ Right , mates ???????????:-)) on a " before-I-die " Make-A-Wish Foundation semester or two , especially when the prognosis on my health was bad some months ago ~ I'll take pity if anything else is lacking .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
01 Aug 2016, 7:53 pm
:cry : ???????????If ou would like me to get paid employment ~ What other way do you think there is that I might , eventually , get an employer to pay me more than SSDI but get the increased knowledge/skills - and status , and connections - of college .
And , fine , late though it is , I want a touch of what i never
truly had . And being " an overaged college student " is certainly a step up in social status from " ex-homeless dude shuffling around the f*****g Tenderloin area " ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Eating at the cafeteria , sleeping in the dorm ~ Sounds nice to me .Sometimes , in depressed/make-myself-depressed moments , I think of never going ever , being old(-er) - and I will at least start to cry . aybe it's even internalizing a censore saying " No , no no ! You must be practical ~ It's oo late for you , you cannot go ! "
(I started to tear up writing that , so I thought I'd put up another tear-con after all , even though I thought I'd cut down on my doing of it ~ since I really did it then .)I do wonder if I would be up to college physically , period .
And , too , on a certain level I thought I might have to have any uni (the use an Australian term I'll borrow here ~ Right , mates ???????????:-)) on a " before-I-die " Make-A-Wish Foundation semester or two , especially when the prognosis on my health was bad some months ago
~ I'll take pity if anything else is lacking .When you express your understandable concerns/wishes/needs to Social Workers and the like...who can actually connect you to resources...what do they do? or say?
