Well, I'm new here so just saying hey. So... I'm Richard, I'm from Scotland, I'll be 30 in a few month's time, and I've been newly diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). And when I say newly diagnosed, I actually mean I just received my diagnosis yesterday.
It's not really settled in with me yet, though I am happier now that I know what's what, if you understand? I've been looking for an answer to the question "What is wrong with me?" for at least 15 years. It's one I've asked myself often, and have had asked of me just as much by others who felt or saw that I wasn't 'normal' to them.
Having the diagnosis, is both a good thing, in that I'm pleased that I've finally got an answer to something that's bugged me for years, but at the same time, it's bad as I'm slightly upset and more than a little annoyed because it's only been properly recognized and diagnosed in me now that I'm almost 30, and a large chunk of my life is behind me, and pretty much wasted in isolation, pursuing my interests of reading and writing fanfic, or playing PC games to 'lose' myself in another reality to cope with things.
It annoys me to think that if it had been diagnosed early, I could have had all sorts of support structures put in place to help me through school and college, I could have had things better tailored to suit my learning methods and needs with studying IT, computing and graphics design courses that I underwent, I could have undergone social therapy, learning programs and training to help me learn how to socialize properly and better cope in situations where I felt overwhelmed with everything instead of finding myself drained and physically shut down for days at a time.
But I had none of that. I've basically had to flounder around without much support or any real understanding from anyone but my mum, whose the only real person in my life. And she’s had it far from easy trying to raise and care for me with how I’ve been. And it's not easy knowing that I’ve cost her friends and family because they couldn’t understand that I was different and in her eyes, I took priority. And any parent of children with Autism/Asperger’s, or indeed any disability, deserve some serious recognition and thanks, I can appreciate how hard it is for them.
Back to the point, getting an early diagnosis could have also meant that people understood me better, such as my family and all the would-be friends I never had as they didn't take the time to understand me or were to small-minded to recognize I was different.
Being looked at or treated as 'weird' isn't a nice thing for anyone, especially when you know you're different but don't know why or how to change things in a way you can handle. But maybe, just maybe, now that I’ve got my diagnosis and have had some helpful resources and avenues of support made available to me, I might finally manage to start getting some sort of life together for myself.
At least, that’s my hope.
Anyway, that's my introduction/rant over and done with.
13 May 2016, 11:53 am
