Visited old campus; fear I missed out on my 20s; help!

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I'm going to be 30 soon, and while most of my 20s were a fairly soul-crushing grind through surviving college, and getting my foot in the professional goal, it's only over the last weekend that I have been acutely feeling a raw mix of messy emotions about missing out.

Over the past few months, I got into blacksmithing as a hobby, and have been travelling around the state to different meetings, classes, and festivals. As I didn't have my own tools, I borrowed them as I went along. This past Saturday however, I drove three hours to meet a guy clearing up his shop for new tools, and bought my own tongs and some hammers. I was 20 minutes away from my old university, so I figured I would visit it.

It's been about 7 years since I got my undergraduate degree. I haven't been to the city since a job fair back in 2010. I went through a lot of trial and error before finally getting by as a software developer in another city. So I explored the campus, checking out what places had changed, and exploring a new engineering library that had been built after I had graduated; surprisingly I am able to get some good conversations/helpful advice from most the people on-campus, *despite* the fact I'm drenched in sweat and coal-stained hands (from an abortive attempt to hammer together a shield boss out of a broken shovel handle), even after the wash. I was able to learn about the general nightlife and meat/meet markets, and was able to enjoy myself for some time before having to drive back.

Here's the thing that's eating me. I was a B student, I didn't have a social life (after the tabletop gaming group ended, I didn't have any outlets), and I was introverted. I went on one or two OKcupid dates then, but didn't have anything to talk about/no attraction. I had horrid test anxiety, got bronchitis twice, and was always making minor errors on tests. It wasn't until way after that I got on concerta (which dramatically helped a lot), and got some basic social training as well as a wardrobe replacement, that I started getting some degree of social success.

I'm feeling a mix of emotions. Sadness that I missed out, as well as a mix of anger directed outwards and inwards ("I didn't need *that* much help to be more socially acceptable. Why didn't I get the help when I needed it most?"). Despite being fed the tripe that "College is the best years of your life", I was miserable with self-harm issues. I don't have any friends from college. I've made *dramatic* strides in the last year, simply because I now "get" some basics about how to carry myself better, or how to approach conversations in a less blunt way. Some basic successes to break a pattern of pessimism and self-defeating thoughts. That's all it should have taken then. Why did this have to start when I'm almost 30? I feel like I grew up as a broken person and am finally starting to piece myself together.

I get I'm "doing well", in that I have the employment angle as well as a degree I'm actually using, and am not worried about money or anything severe like that. The thing is I don't quite know how to overcome that feeling of having missed out on my 20s. I don't plan to return to college, nor do I want to pretend to be a student. I don't have a good group of wingmen (maybe one or two separate ones), or any parties I can crash, or any student organizations I can join (I can join professional groups, or stuff like Toastmasters/etc, but usually I end up being "the only single guy"). The sketchiest thing I thought of doing so far is moonlighting as an Uber driver, just so I could meet drunk chicks, and that is still meh.

I'm feeling burnt out and worried that will become bitterness.

Im only 22, but i feel the same about my school days. I had/have to research alot about them for my in-future assessment, old teachers, credentials, pictures from back-then. And when im looking at it, i feel like i lost a very important part of my life back then.

I didnt only not get the help i needed, i was literally "sorted out". The middleschool wich i used to go to had(has) a really good reputation, and scholars who dont fit in put that reputation in danger. So i got sent to a special school for "hard to educate" scholars where everything fell apart for my future life. The lessons were far too easy, the classmates where just "the wrong kind of people" and i didnt belong there, at all. So i dropped out at 7th grade, never finishing my school because it seemed pointless to me anyway. People said a graduation from that type of school isnt worth more than a sheet of toilet paper. So why should i even go there and let myself get bullied everyday?

Before that happened i was a pretty good scholar, apart from all that bullying and stress i really liked learning new things. Sometimes my main teacher even got mad because i was learning too fast, especially in physics & biology. I feel like ive lost so much right now. Back then ive been told that i could make a very good school graduation and maybe even study later on. From early on i wanted to be some sort of scientist, when the other kids still wanted to be policemen and firemen. I was good! And i knew what i wanted to do with it.

Now im 22, desperately trying to get back to school, trying to fix that hole in my life. Looking at the lifes of my back-then classmates today, i get a mix of feelings that i dont really understand myself. Yes i was different, and i may even have been a "problem-child" to some people, but i had so much potential! All wasted over "keeping a clean record". Im a total mess right now, close to breaking point. While "the others" had progress, friends and an actual life, i wasted my time trying to socialise with people i today know were bad people, while losing out on good education, perspective and meaning in life. I feel like i probably will never be able to get or fix what was lost, and i may end up a complete failure. I may be different, but i didnt earn this.

Peace
TK

PS: Please excuse errors on my grammatics. 7th grade school english is kinda bad for international communication. Sorry...