Hi I'm new to Wrongplanet, and this is my first post since I joined. I've been wondering what other people who have asperger's are like. I heard about Wrongplanet from reddit and 4chan a couple months ago when I was first understanding what asperger's is and I am starting to describe myself as having it. I might have asperger's syndrome, which explains my characteristics. I'm sort of a geek; I like writing in my journal, playing music, learning about American history, philosophy, psychology, and reading science fiction. I don't come across as naturally talkative unless I'm talking about something that is interesting where the conversation is mostly an intelligent one. I may correct others about using certain words improperly. It is difficult to start conversations or keep one going with others (especially when two people are talking). Fortunately, I can be alone for long periods of time and not worry about anyone or anything.
One issue i have been dealing with is a problem with acting spontaneously, when i don't need to. When friends ask me to do things with them spontaneously, I know that I'd rather not,
but I end up going to hang out anyways, which causes me to actively worry about myself and what I really ought to be doing at that moment. I am trying to fix this by saying things such as "No I need to rest", or "Not today, but I've been thinking about doing that, so maybe another time".
However I feel like this is making excuses, so my reaction is to, say yes to going and doing whatever they want to do, despite this being a decision based on stress and not actual excitement.
Which I take into my own psyche and end up negatively calling myself antisocial...
I simply can't be understood by my boss and coworkers. None of them seem to understand the sort of stress i deal with despite this job, (goodwill) being a very simple one, because I can't communicate well what my issues are to them. One issue is that it is anxiety-provoking to have to transition my thoughts from one thing to the next when working, so I get very easily distracted when someone needs my attention like a customer. Giving my full attention and enthusiasm requires an enormous amount of energy, which is exhausting, and I find myself making a lot of wrong decisions and breaking rules. I find myself believing that it is the environment I'm exposed to that drains my energy so much (being in a concrete-walled warehouse with forklifts, s**t music, chatter, and general stress).
Lately, I've been down after I get home from work, though less anxious because I'm done working, I am slowly feeling depression sinking in. I am trying to make connections with others, but I have a harder time initiating some conversations, to talk about some stress I'm having, and this is hard when i'm at work, being around people i don't know as close friends. I do however have one close friend who has been caring and understanding with my needs to get upset over my issues and listening when i need to rant or cry out.
It's also stressful and i get upset trying to ask people for advice or at least let them know that I'm experiencing pain or feeling blue out of fearing of using my own expression. (I'd like advice on how to open up these conversations and let people know i may have asperger's so that i could maybe start coming out to people as possibly having asperger's syndrome.)
Sharing these emotions kind of scares me around new people. I tend to be quiet or non expressive in real life, so thanks for reading. Feel free to add stories of your own, or say hi; I appreciate anything.
19 May 2016, 1:28 am
