A puzzling situation...how to break the ice with this woman?

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Brianruns10
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06 Jun 2016, 1:30 pm

Okay so I'll try to keep this convoluted situation as succinct as possible. I live in a condo building that has its own gym. And fairly frequently as I walk by I see a very attractive woman running on the treadmill, running at a pretty impressive pace. You see, I'm a distance runner too, and always looking for running partners, and a woman to run with would be extra terrific!

But here's the problem. The only time I've ever seen her has been in the morning when I'm on my way to work. I've never seen her in my building apart from these occasions. And since it's when I'm off to work, I don't have time to drop what I'm doing, don a pair of running shorts and join in on the treadmill next to her. Nor is simply walking in and saying "Hi" and trying to chat her up seem very appropriate, because she's working out and that seems hardly opportune, or polite on my part.

So how do you suppose might I break the ice? I'm stumped. The only thing I could think of was leaving a note of introduction or something, but that just seemed to hard to pull off without coming off as a total creep. Or do I just be patient and hope I bump into her in a better circumstance more conducive to a conversation?

What do you all think?



kraftiekortie
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06 Jun 2016, 1:52 pm

I would take the patient approach. I wouldn't pass her a note.

I definitely wouldn't talk to her while she's working out.



yourkiddingme3
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06 Jun 2016, 2:35 pm

If she's already running, then she got there before you passed by, and so before you need to leave for work.

So get to the gym super-early, claim a treadmill next to her usual, and jog. Do this a few days before striking up a conversation.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jun 2016, 2:42 am

yourkiddingme3 wrote:
If she's already running, then she got there before you passed by, and so before you need to leave for work.

So get to the gym super-early, claim a treadmill next to her usual, and jog. Do this a few days before striking up a conversation.


He may come across pathetic or desperate, like how the media always portray this - and people, including girls, are learning that these tactics (to approach girls, to break ice) from media as pathetic.

In several materials of the media (talk shows, televised discussions, comedy, funny videos...) I have seeing lately a trend of parody/criticizing of guys who try to subtly talk to girls in gyms.
For example, I was watching a local talk show the other night and the host guy was making of the guy(s) who picks a treadmill just next to the girl while there are other empty treadmills and tells to her something like "hi, are you new here?", the guest-ladies and and the female-dominated audience were all laughing, agreeing with this observation, and the guests were like that it's something pathetic and sometimes annoying. And mind you, they were not criticizing pua or something, just guys who are trying to strike natural conversation with a girl.

We see the same in media regarding guys-trying-to-get-to-know-girls in pubs, bars, trips, public transport, ....etc everywhere - the same message coming across is the same same: guys must never bother girls, guys should not trying to break ice, guys should not try to socialize stranger girls - leave them alone. Period.
Not in gyms, because they want to work out alone.
Not in pubs, because they want to drink alone.
....etc....everywhere.

It seems to me that the only socially acceptable way for guys to socialize with girls is through friends - or when the girl initiates the conversation. Otherwise, it's seen as pathetic.



r00tb33r
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09 Jun 2016, 3:00 am

What makes you think that she's single?

Unless you're super talented at picking up women (which clearly you aren't since you're on a forum with a bunch of autistics), don't try it without knowing anything or without any context.

Considering you don't see her anywhere else, you have just the creepy options available to you.
1. The classic creep - do some investigating online (get her name from condo mailboxes or something)
2. Engineer a situation where you can casually exchange a few words... This is where you invite her to run, but again, you can probably just invite her to participate together in a local event, like #k-whatever, half-marathon, etc. Once you're there you can stop being a creep. Be prepared for a "no" answer.

I know it's true for a lot of people, but if your schedule limits who you date... You just gonna have to make some hard choices, either free up some of your time, or enjoy whatever little dating pool you can get.


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underwater
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09 Jun 2016, 3:03 am

It's perhaps better to talk to her in another setting, if you really really want to.

Obviously, a woman in the gym will know that the reason you are talking to her is her body, right? There is nothing else that could have interested you. That's why gyms are not great. And perhaps why you should ask yourself whether there is anything else about this woman that has caught your interest.


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rdos
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09 Jun 2016, 3:07 am

If it is pathetic, unwanted or creepy all comes down to if the girl is interested or not. To avoid being seen as creepy, you always need to make sure she is potentially interested in you before starting a conversation. As long as she is interested, you can use anything including things that typically are seen as super-creepy. It doesn't matter. If she is not interested, even the most trivial method of making contact will end up as unwanted and bad.

So in this case, get there earlier, work out close to where she usually is, and watch her reactions before trying to talk to her. If you do this properly, you won't be seen as creepy, and if she is interested, you can make contact too.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2016, 5:09 pm

I have been subtly observing the social interactions in the gym lately and this what I have noticed:
-No guy approached a girl except one (and that one guy is famously known of trying to talk to every girl there, and he doesn't seem succeeding at all), the only ones who interact with girls are those who come together to gym (couples, group of friends...etc) or trainers to members, but I didn't see any guy trying to break the ice with any girl.
- Girls remarkably smile and giggle with their personal trainers a lot, and they try to get their attention when they are training someone else...every time..
- Overall, it's not a place for socializing.



Chronos
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29 Jun 2016, 3:22 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
Okay so I'll try to keep this convoluted situation as succinct as possible. I live in a condo building that has its own gym. And fairly frequently as I walk by I see a very attractive woman running on the treadmill, running at a pretty impressive pace. You see, I'm a distance runner too, and always looking for running partners, and a woman to run with would be extra terrific!

But here's the problem. The only time I've ever seen her has been in the morning when I'm on my way to work. I've never seen her in my building apart from these occasions. And since it's when I'm off to work, I don't have time to drop what I'm doing, don a pair of running shorts and join in on the treadmill next to her. Nor is simply walking in and saying "Hi" and trying to chat her up seem very appropriate, because she's working out and that seems hardly opportune, or polite on my part.

So how do you suppose might I break the ice? I'm stumped. The only thing I could think of was leaving a note of introduction or something, but that just seemed to hard to pull off without coming off as a total creep. Or do I just be patient and hope I bump into her in a better circumstance more conducive to a conversation?

What do you all think?


Get up early enough to catch her before she starts her workout, say "Hi, I'm (insert name). I live on (whatever floor). I see you down here a lot running, and I'm a distance runner, so I thought I'd introduce myself."

See where it goes from there.



nerdygirl
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29 Jun 2016, 4:42 am

I'd got to the gym earlier and run before work. Don't pick a spot next to her, but somewhere she could see you. Impress the girl with your running and whatever else you do with your workout. Give it a little time. You may not have to approach her at all - she may approach you. If nothing seems to be happening after a while, then revisit what to do about it.

People observe other people at the gym. It's not like the workouts are taking up all the mental energy. I can learn a lot about a person's personality about how they work out, especially using weights. If she sees you working out, she will probably figure out whether or not you are someone she might like to get to know better.



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2016, 5:44 pm

Women, even these days, rarely approach men. I wouldn't count on that happening.



nurseangela
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29 Jun 2016, 6:12 pm

yourkiddingme3 wrote:
If she's already running, then she got there before you passed by, and so before you need to leave for work.

So get to the gym super-early, claim a treadmill next to her usual, and jog. Do this a few days before striking up a conversation.


I like this one! Except do something that's not right next to her because that's getting into her space. Also if you are a little ways away you can see if she is wearing a ring. Do your own thing for several times so she gets used to you being there and sometimes leave before her. Maybe ask her how to use one of the machines. I'd love a Hunny that likes the same exercise as me. :mrgreen:


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nurseangela
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29 Jun 2016, 6:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I have been subtly observing the social interactions in the gym lately and this what I have noticed:
-No guy approached a girl except one (and that one guy is famously known of trying to talk to every girl there, and he doesn't seem succeeding at all), the only ones who interact with girls are those who come together to gym (couples, group of friends...etc) or trainers to members, but I didn't see any guy trying to break the ice with any girl.
- Girls remarkably smile and giggle with their personal trainers a lot, and they try to get their attention when they are training someone else...every time..
- Overall, it's not a place for socializing.


A big gym is different than a small condo workout room - more cozy and only people that live there can use it.


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nurseangela
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29 Jun 2016, 6:20 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
Okay so I'll try to keep this convoluted situation as succinct as possible. I live in a condo building that has its own gym. And fairly frequently as I walk by I see a very attractive woman running on the treadmill, running at a pretty impressive pace. You see, I'm a distance runner too, and always looking for running partners, and a woman to run with would be extra terrific!

But here's the problem. The only time I've ever seen her has been in the morning when I'm on my way to work. I've never seen her in my building apart from these occasions. And since it's when I'm off to work, I don't have time to drop what I'm doing, don a pair of running shorts and join in on the treadmill next to her. Nor is simply walking in and saying "Hi" and trying to chat her up seem very appropriate, because she's working out and that seems hardly opportune, or polite on my part.

So how do you suppose might I break the ice? I'm stumped. The only thing I could think of was leaving a note of introduction or something, but that just seemed to hard to pull off without coming off as a total creep. Or do I just be patient and hope I bump into her in a better circumstance more conducive to a conversation?

What do you all think?


This is exciting because it's possible something could happen here!

You Hoo! Mr. Brian! Can you get back with us on whether anything has happened yet?


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Brianruns10
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30 Jun 2016, 11:21 pm

No luck, the opportunity hasn't made itself manifest. Which is fine. Frankly I find that talking to women just isn't worth the risk of embarassing myself.



nurseangela
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30 Jun 2016, 11:35 pm

Don't get down on yourself, Mr. Brian. She just wasn't the one. Keep your chin up!


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.