Excuses for resume gaps

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I'm a disabled 32 year old woman who has been unemployed for the past 3 years. All of my previous jobs have been less than impressive. What can I tell employers about my resume gap so as to not elicit suspicion? Should I just admit that I am disabled?

That would be one reasonable option. I try to avoid that, but that's more from personal paranoia. If you do, stress to the employer that the disability will not reduce your ability to do the job, but has simply made it harder to navigate the job search process (to the extent you can say this honestly).

The general rule as I've heard it is tell the truth, but put the best face on it. When I was last unemployed I did some piecemeal work out of my house and listed the period of about a year as "self-employed/consulting." If asked, I would freely admit that the work was pretty sparse and I would rather hire on with an organization. I recommend you sit down and write a list of what you've been doing over the three year period. Is there anything in there you can list on a resume to characterize the time?

The danger of an unexplained gap is that the employer will make the worst assumptions possible - such as that you were in prison, or that you had a horrible disaster at your last job that you are trying to hide. Simply being able to label the time "volunteering part time with my church" or "caring for my elderly aunt weekly" (if you did one of those) would put the employer's fears to rest.

Have you been doing any kind of volunteer work? If so, you can put that down to cover the interval, and if you don't have to use the word "volunteer" they might not even notice ("School assistant, Fernwood Elementary").

That's a good approach in general for anyone who has a period of unemployment (which it seems almost everyone has these days). If you can take some kind of volunteer position, you can add it to your resume to make the history more continuous. Or if you can take classes, you can put them down as skills development and training.

Just tell them you've been looking, applying and interviewing for jobs but obviously due to the current economy jobs are hard to find and come with lots of requirements and you've been told by those interviewers that they are holding out of the perfect candidate (which is common phrase these days).

I'm literally turning 31 the beginning of next month nearing two full years out from University and I still can't get hired due to the requirements for marketing/IT/ and every other damn career job despite my internships and degrees.

I can't get hired at retail because I'm too "smart" and will "easily get" better jobs supposedly.
It's doesn't help that I have all this experience "unpaid" and not from jobs (if you don't get it from a job or school most employers won't count it).

How is it that Ford's new Asperger Program has already filled all the positions despite it being only active since June 1st and announced on May 26th?

That's a good advice. Ther are so much unemployment going on, especially if you are in your 20s or early 30s. I'm 32 and I have been unemployed several times. When I apply for jobs they take me seriously and I have never had a job interview where I have been asked about the gaps in my resume.

If the gap starts getting big (like more than a year of unemployment): Start volunteering and do what you can to find internships. Or small part time jobs that pays the bills. It's easier said than done, but it's possible.

What is your diagnosis? Is it only autism or are there other things going on?

If you had no volunteer or freelance work experience during the times you weren't employed, tell them you were caring for a sick relative.

You may be able to get away with saying you took time off work for personal projects, especially if you have created or worked on something even slightly impressive that you can show off (a book, software, fine art, popular blog, etc.)

If you are creative (and good at lying), you can spin almost anything as volunteer experience: you could call babysitting your friend's kid a "child care internship for a private client," for example. Then you could even use your friend as a job reference.