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Fractaling
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Joined: 18 Jun 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
Location: Tokyo, Japan

18 Jun 2016, 8:28 am

Hi Everyone,

I recently got diagnosed with ASD, and I found it to be somewhat comforting (since it explained my past a lot) but also troubling since I have this now newfound identity that I have no idea how to handle. Pleasure to meet all of you!

I guess I'm here for support for now since I'm going through quite a turbulent and troubling period of my life.

I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for the past few years, and this has taken a huge toll on my parents and family members, as well as friends and the larger community I am a part of (or perhaps I should say, not a part of).

In hindsight, I guess everything I went through happened for a reason - but I am here to share with everyone my story, since I do plan on writing a book soon as well in order to perhaps gain some understanding from my surrounding but also for the sake of myself and some closure on my part.

A little bit of background of myself: I am a half Japanese, half American, born in Japan to an American Father and Japanese Mother. I attended an international school pretty much my whole life, and I thought I had a pretty ordinary upbringing... turns out that I was pretty far from the reality of the situation!

Growing up, I have only vague memories of what I learned in class... I was mainly preoccupied with my tamagocchi or digimon at school, carefully nurturing them to become the strongest digipets amongst my friends (though I didn't have many). Around the time when I was 12, my parents decided to get divorced probably because they began noticing issues with me but also probably due to personal life circumstances (I think my Mom was becoming increasingly frustrated with my Father, who from my perspective has ASD as well). I was suffering from PTSD as a result of that, but also due to the bullying that I experienced at school. I was quite a deviant :twisted: at school, but I thought it was just normal since I was just a "naughty kid".

Anyway, it wasn't until later that my years of procrastinating, cheating in class, guessing at answers and other quirks in my behaviour eventually began to catch up on me... I used to get drunk when I was in my early teens, spending weekends in nightclubs and doing drugs (not a lot). Not to brag but I was pretty popular with the ladies as well and never really had problems with women until recently. I used to be glued to the computer or television playing video games all the time. This lasted through college and even into my early years as a working adult.

I basically had a complete meltdown/nervous breakdown as a result of my Grandparents passing away, as well as losing my job, and doing way too many psychedelics for my own good. I realized when I took psychedelics that all sorts of things became too amplified (my senses and my awareness of self) and my whole world came crumbling down.

It was a combination of all my issues from my past coming back to haunt me. The childhood bullying, my alcoholism, drug taking behaviour, and other things that led to a drug-induced psychotic episode. It was a real nightmare. I jumped from one psychiatric hospital to the next. First it was drug-induced psychosis. Then it was Bipolar. Then it was narcissism. C-PTSD. Social Anxiety. Cultural issues. Drug and Alcohol addiction... and now, finally, I realized, and was diagnosed... I have Aspergers.

The revelation was mind-blowing. I'm still trying to deal with it. It all makes sense now - the awkward conversations starting and ending. Failure to recognize emotions in others. Taking things too literally. Awkward moments at parties. Inappropriate comments during chat.

I went online, looked up the symptoms. They sound too familiar. Even the GI issues. It all makes sense. The fan sounds too loud. Repetitively going to the same restaurant over and over. Eating the same things all the time. Poor executive functioning. Listening to the same music on repeat all the time. Fascination with weird things, objects. Playing with toys in odd ways.

I'm going to drug and alcohol rehab next week, and will be getting my first dose of 1 full month of sobriety (I have been sober for a while now) as well as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I'm excited, a little bit. A new chapter in my life is about to begin. I'll be able to (hopefully) make it up with people I have disappointed in my life. My family may be more understanding and compassionate. The abuse they put me through will finally make them realize that they're actually cruel, evil people that abused me for something that wasn't even my fault. They didn't realize the signals, the symptoms.

Maybe I'll finally be able to play music for once. I'm a talented musician as well - I went to the best music school in the U.S. and took private lessons there. Perhaps my excellence in mathematics and financial economics will amount to something. My language might finally become a strength if I can settle down for a job.

I'm excited. A new beginning. My life is about to do a 180. All my dreams are about to come true. I can picture the welcoming arms of my family, friends, co-workers.

Now, all I need is a new online alias that would be a great fit for me. The name Fractaling comes from my appreciation of fractals and zerglings from starcraft.

Anyway, I've crashlanded here on these forums, but it's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone here. I'll be waiving my aspie, nerdy, colorful flag high from now on!

:nerdy: :heart:



AnonymousAnonymous
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18 Jun 2016, 1:37 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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Ban-Dodger
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18 Jun 2016, 2:28 pm

「いらっしゃいませ!」・・・と思います「("^ω^)・・・」。


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Ichinin
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18 Jun 2016, 2:31 pm

Welcome です.

Your story is not the first i read here on WP about going through a lottery of diagnoses then finally getting the right one. Some are lucky and can get a job and a life, some are less lucky and barely hang on.

What is important to know is that the only thing most of us have in common are the diagnostic criterias, the rest (like being able to recognise faces, or to have sensitivity issues) are personal traits that come with the diagnosis. Everyones experience with Autism/Aspergers is different.


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RoadRatt
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18 Jun 2016, 3:17 pm

Hey Fractaling welcome. :sunny:


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Fractaling
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Joined: 18 Jun 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
Location: Tokyo, Japan

20 Jun 2016, 8:21 am

Thanks for the welcome guys.

Does anyone know where I might be able to get general life advice and coping strategies for a newfound diagnosis for AS?

Thanks.



katelynmakenzie86
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Location: Coeur d Alene, ID

20 Jun 2016, 1:55 pm

I went through a whole list of different diagnosis growing up. ADD, schizophrenia, bipoloar, depression. Last year I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and after doing some more research on it, found a lot of it made sense. Unfortunately in my case, my dad and his mom do not think that I have Autism in any more and that I'm just rebelling. They would say the same thing in your case too. My other grandmother, my mom's mom, is the only that has really been in my corner with it, and if it weren't for her, I'm not sure I would have ever gotten properly diagnosed.

I've always had sensory issues with lights, loud noise, and being around a lot of other people. I like to keep to myself a lot. And it's hard now with things because I'll have meltdowns, and people will always tell me to "get over it". They don't understand. But I am seeing a counselor that I see every Friday, to try to get better coping skills so I don't have the meltdowns. I don't have as many as I use to have I think, but they still come, and I can't control them when I do. I hope I can meet other people like yourself on here. I'll be 30 next month.



Midnightstar16
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20 Jun 2016, 8:42 pm

Hi! I can relate, going to school was a total horror story for me. Now, I just don't go to school. I haven't been officially diagnosed, but both me and my mom are pretty sure that its real this time, and I STILL haven't been officially diagnosed even though the issue with school happened about two years ago. Anyway, welcome to Wrong Planet!


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Maybe I'll come back in a few years. Who knows.
Heck, maybe my account can serve as some kind of time capsule for myself in the future.

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palmtoka
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Posts: 92
Location: Japan

30 Jul 2016, 11:16 pm

Hey Fractaling,

We could get to know each other in real life,
since I currently live in Japan as I have.
Just let me know how this sounds for you.


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jmax
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31 Jul 2016, 12:16 am

welcome here.
i am also new here.
currently i live in tokyo as well.
wondering if we can connect.