I'll never have friends

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I’m trying not to be sad, I really don’t want to know if I’m depressed or not. I’ve been so bored recently, I’ve had hardly anything to do, I’ve got nowhere to go and no one to go to places with, and I’m so tired of going out on my own, and I’m also afraid of going to certain places on my own as well. But my family isn’t always available, and I want to have other friends besides them.

The problem is that because of how I was brought up, I’m too shy to go out and find people, I’m too afraid. And most people my age already have friends who they’ve known for longer than me, who are more important than me, and I’m just another person to them, I’m just a waste of their time. I don’t want them to give up the time they spend with their friends who are better than me just to make me happy. So now I feel like I’ll never have friends, that it’s too late for me, I’ve missed all my chances.

But even if there are people willing to be friends with me, well, they may not find me that interesting. Most people’s ideas of fun are different to mine. They like to go out to places and just hang out and drink, but I’m just not into that. I find it boring, and I don’t like the taste of alcohol enough to drink loads of it just for the sake of it. And I also don’t like going out at night, I don’t like staying out too late. And I also don’t like going to places that are too crowded, and too loud for me to talk to anyone properly.

There’s also the fact that I’m technically an adult now, but I don’t feel like one. I keep forgetting that everyone else sees me as another adult, so they expect me to be as mature as they are, they expect me to be the sort of person who doesn’t mind sitting around and having a drink. They expect me to have a job even though I’m certainly not ready for one. And I’m worried about being around men because of certain feelings they may have for me. I’m not looking for another boyfriend, and even if I was, I certainly would not have those feelings for anyone, and I would feel uncomfortable if a man told me he had those feelings for me, especially if he was older than me.

I just feel like I’ll never fit in, and I’ll never have any proper friends. I feel like it’s too late for me to have any, that I’m too old to meet people who are also friendless, and too immature and weird to fit in with those that are around my age. I’m just a child in my mind, well, maybe not a child but a very annoying teenager.

I'm sorry your feeling down. Making friends on your own at that age is just hard there is just no way around it believe me I know I'm in the same situation.

Question...

Why do you care if you have friends?

Some people are made to keep to themselves and some aren't, embrace your identity. It might not help you but it helps me, just as no one can make you drink, you can't force people to be your friend. Find a hobby and become a God in that area, for me this is computers, electronics, gaming and so on. There is so much knowledge this world has to offer, use your time to learn. The Internet has made things so easy to learn and books aren't expensive these days. Once you make your peace with not having friends, life gets easier. I struggled for years will some of the thoughts you are voicing here.

Friends are over rated and more then likely they want something from you. When you can turn you phone off and disappear for years at a time and not miss anyone then you have reached the sweet spot of isolation. I haven't talked to any of my so called friends in a while, one texted me last week to make sure I am alive and I had a panic attack. I didn't know what to say so I was like yeah I am alive doing minecraft. Point is I don't care about any of my relationships now, you cannot have your well being dependent on another person.

When you get these feelings just stay active, draw, play a game, listen to music just anything. I also deal with some pretty bad memories from past social failures so if that triggers a panic attack or "meltdown" for you like it has for me, then I recommend listening to music as loud as you can and break (cheap) stuff. Thats what I do and I have survived this way for a while now. I am doing the best I have ever done emotional but I am doing just as poor socially.

Stop caring please, your caring is making me want to care

See like just now, I am rocking out as loud as my PC and speakers will go because I am have negative thoughts, force that crap out with some good old rock and roll. I find it is actually very selfish to want to live though they say depression is selfish lol

I am much more selfish when I am feeling less depressed then when I am depressed. You have to want to live life for you. Do you really want friends or do you want friends because everyone else has a friend?

I am not a bad person because I have bad social skills, I tried to do right by people but I failed. Tomorrow I live for me and only me.

I'm just so tired of being alone, and I'm jealous of seeing other people doing things with their friends. And that includes characters in shows I like that are friends with each other - I feel like they're my friends even though they're not real, and I doubt that's healthy. I just want someone who isn't my family and isn't romantically interested in me.

Well I'd would offer my friendship since I have no use for either gender romantically but I think thats a horrible idea. Besides maybe your approaching people the wrong way, maybe you want friends too much. Maybe you should become comfortable with yourself before you try to have friendships with other people. I don't know that much about you or your hobbies but I have seen your post. Tell people about yourself on social media, wp, social gatherings, college peers / co-workers, etc and don't worry what others think. What do you normally do during the day? People want to relate to people so you could try that. This has the potential however for no one to care and you getting hurt.

Maybe it is the safer route to have imaginary friends, you know a possible consequence of not being shy is rejection. You also know your limits or should have learned them by now. I say use what ever thought process you can and do what is most safe for you. Your choice is rejection or stay in your bubble which is very direct but very true. Having imaginary friends is not common but who is to say its not a valid coping mechanism? The most important message here is you cannot have your well being dependent on another person. That sums my feelings so well I am surprised I wrote it.

I wish you luck,

Hi littlecatinthewindow,

I'm a lot older than you, so I will say, stay hopeful, don't give up, and keep looking for friends.

Yes, it is way harder to make and keep friends when you're on the spectrum, but it can be done.
I have had a real life best friend,
only reason I lost her was due to heart disease.

What are you interested in?
Are there any clubs you can visit or join?
That might be a good place to start.

If you are not into the bar scene and drinking, that's fine. While it might seem most everyone your age is into that, not all are. So find what interests you and that may lead you to find friends wth similar interests. I personally have found friends through bird watching groups, camping and kayaking, volunteering teaching English to immigrants, and through being a ham radio operator. Not that I am suggesting that for you because it is nearly obsolete now days with the Internet. Try out some new hobbies and find something you like. Do you live in a rural or urban setting? How about a chess club, archery, horse back riding, photography, golf, tennis, rock wall climbing,weather spotting, whatever suits you. Do you like animals? If so consider volunteering at a shelter. Or go to a nursing home or senior citizen place and read to or visit with someone who hardly ever gets any visitors. Just throwing out some suggestions. Think about the friendships you see on TV, how did the people portrayed meet? That may spark some ideas for you. I know it's really really hard to stop comparing yourself to others but try not to let your mind go there, it can become very toxic.