The only thing that works for me is to forget about doing stuff that makes me anxious (i.e. everything). I only ever do one thing, almost never go outside, and it always works (or always has): I read Dale Carnegie's book "how to win friends and influence people". it's cheap from any book shop, or click here for the plain text (but a paperback book is easier to read). The examples are dated now, but its advice is timeless. It worked for me.
It tells you how to take an interest in a person, to get them talking about the things they want to talk about, so they don't are about going outside, they just want to talk to you. Talk about their hobbies, worries, things that bug them, things they like, things they have done, things they worry about. The goal is not to go outside ever, but to sit in a corner while they do all the talking. Because you care about what they care about. Very few people do this, so this makes you stand out.
If you do this, and the person only cares about going outside, then they are not for you. But this secret lets you make friends with anybody. So you don't feel that "this is my only chance of love". The whole world opens up! The world is full of people with worries, who wish somebody would just listen. And a lot of them are either aspies or have some other anxiety that they hide. They are lonely and want somebody who thinks like they do. If you know how to make them open up, if you are genuine, they will love you. I can't say it as well as Carnegie, but it really works.
Tip: as somebody on the spectrum I tend to forget what people say about themselves, so after a conversation I write the key points down so I don't forget. When your friend realises that you actually remember and care about whatever it is they care about, they will think you are the cleverest and most desirable person ever.
Dale Carnegie's book changed my life. It led directly to my first marriage. Unfortunately I used it too much: I got a girl to like me when really we had nothing in common, so that ended up as a disaster. but the book worked. We were on along bus trip together and all I did was get her to do all the talking, We was not a natural talker, so this was life changing to her. She thought she finally found somebody she connected with, when in reality I was just repeating back to her whatever she said but in a different way. Like I said, I should have found somebody I had things in common with instead. But back then I didn't think I had a choice. I had never dated, and I thought that no girl would ever talk to me. So I married the first person who did. Carnegie's book works. To cut a long story short, we finally divorced, but by then I knew that I was not as freak: by talking to people I had real choices. I then found somebody I actually have a lot in common with. We are getting married later this month. And we almost never go anywhere: we both stay inside all the time. But we love it! I have never been happier. Well, not since I was a carefree three year old anyway.
tl;dr read Dale Carnegie's book, then you won't have to go outside at all.
_________________
No longer trapped in hell. Well, not in the lower levels of hell. But I cannot change my username.
09 Jul 2016, 8:59 am
