Aspergers is not just being socially awkward

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I find it really annoying when people (perhaps well meaning people) say that HFA/AS is akin to the nerdy weird kid that sits alone in class. It's really not that simple and I think it's socially irresponsible to make such an oversimplification. Even some experts I've met have said this, which I find ridiculous.

Having mild autism can still be fairly debilitating at times. While a person can be highly verbal and have average to well above average intelligence it doesn't mean that they can just wing it and get through life without therapy or support. I got early intervention and I still need support. I'm always going to have aspergers regardless of what coping mechanisms I have. Yes, AS is not without its' benefits (I'm quite conten with the intense special interest) but it's also not this cute little quirk that makes me some kind of manic pixie dream girl. I have a disability first and foremost. Somebody else having it worse doesn't change that.

Its not a label you slap on quirky or shy children. All forms of autism are serious and need to be taken seriously no matter what part of the spectrum you fall on.

Can we please remember that?

Yes! Thank you!

My biggest issue isnt even social awkwardness, its adapting to change. I have SO many other issues but change is a big one for me.

No - while some of us do, "we" cannot remember that, because some people here seem to have the attention span of a hummingbird and most new aspies on the forum seem to think that everyone is like them and generalise.

Its getting old and there should be some sort of introduction thread explaining it to them, with a checkbox below that says:

Very true.

Social cluelessness is NOT Social awkwardness.
The former is the 'disability', 'naivety', 'immaturity', and the lack of social consciousness.
The later has something to do more with anxiety or fear due to social consciousness, or because of the former which is why it mistook for the same thing...


I'm socially clueless, yes. But I'm NOT awkward.
My problem is mainly on short term memory, filters, and verbal learning.
If I'm socially awkward, I wouldn't able to ask people. And ask them to repeat what they told me whenever I mishear or misremember or misunderstood.

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Aside from not really looking at people when I talk (the eye contact thing), I'm not awkward or clueless socially. I can keep up with group interaction if necessary, but it comes with a significant mental energy cost, and thus I mainly just avoid those interactions when possible. As for people thinking Asperger's is just about social interaction, I would argue that's merely a symptom of the underlying condition, which in my opinion, has always been sensory issues and narrow focus (attention to detail, special interests, "rule sets", etc). Without those issues the social problems for most high functioners would probably disappear. To be honest there are probably a lot of "high functioners" that are able to compartmentalize those issues and act perfectly fine socially and thus never get diagnosed with anything.

Now, your average person that comes here and thinks that because their social interaction is poor so they must have autism, my first question is if they suffer from sensory issues or narrow focus. Invariably almost every one on these boards has one or both of those two issues, aside from generic "social interaction" problems. If they have those issues I recommend getting a diagnosis, if they don't I recommend looking up social anxiety and point them to the "other conditions" forum (just because they don't have autism doesn't mean their issues won't resonate with others here). That's the same advice I'd give in real life too.

edit: and also "smear feces on the wall." That's part of Autism Speaks diagnosis, so I always say "Unless you've reached deep in your rear end, grabbed a good healthy brown betty and really worked it into the wall like a putty you probably don't have autism. That's right, it's an official part of the diagnosis-- it needs witnessed and the feces needs signed by a notary."

I'm more socially clueless,I may know what I'm supposed to do but not when.Or in other cases uncomfortable.One of those is eye contact.

I agree the stereotype have been harmful to mild and even moderate autistics in a number of ways, the question is how do we fight the stereotype?

the not being able to read body language stereotype is annoying. Not understanding it instinctively doesn't stop you from learning to understand it intellectually. I actual remember the first time I ever properly noticed it, it creeped me the hell out. Weird reactions running up their skin. It's like they're possessed by some animal. Why they think you can't work it out after a lifetime of watching the weird ass s**t is beyond me.

I agree that Asperger's is about much more than being socially awkward. I think the reason that some people may be under this impression is because many of those of us with high functioning autism are good at appearing "normal" with the exception of occasional social awkwardness.

I'm socially strange and most of the time it does not pose a huge problem. Sometimes I find it so annoying that everyone thinks aspergers is a social disorder and that's that. I do not adapt my behavior to the social norm unless I want to, I had the luck to find situations I fit into socially.

Then I should have it easy, right? Because aspergers is just about social skills.... or not.

I have a really hard time doing many tasks because I get overloaded. I need a lot of breaks and a lot of free time for just processing. I don't have a good sense of time. I have a hard time with change in my environment on any level and a really hard time with unplanned activities (more that than wanting to stick to routine). I have a quite broad range of interests, and if I don't learn new facts my brain gets very angry and I end up feeling horrible. Also I have a hard time making behavior automatic, so if I don't do one thing a lot, I sort of have to relearn it everytime I do it.

In real life I am well liked, I can't find the own time I need at times. People understand what I mean, they respect me and treat me well and I get a lot of compliments for being a good friend. Sure I am odd socially, sometimes it creates some issues but... it is not my biggest aspie issue.

My biggest issue is the feeling of stress and the constant lagging behind with tasks making me just barely getting by. Things that people think are nothing, stress me out big time. I feel like the world is constantly falling in on me.

I do understand that some aspies have worse social abilities than me and struggle much more with that and do not want to call their issues quirks because they feel they interfere painfully in their lives. But the same way, I do not want aspergers to be seen as just about the social part. If you ask people in general they usually only know the social issues, not the others.

I do have perks from my aspieness. I think all aspies do on some level, but if they are drowned out by problems, they can be hard to see.

I'm self-diagnosed at this point, but... the way I look at it is this: For people with Asperger's, the social awkwardness is like the outer layer of a large onion. The thickness/color (read: severity/manifestation) can vary, but, regardless, it's all the majority of people will ever actually see. For my coworkers, random people I encounter, acquaintances, even close friends who I chose never to share certain things with, my social issues (which I've spent three decades working on so they're not even that bad) are the only 'layer' they will ever know about.

The layer directly beneath the social issues would probably be my executive functioning. When I'm late to work. When my car or purse are a mess. When I forget rent or put off the bills or wear something especially weird because of those four loads of laundry I haven't done yet. Sometimes people get peeks of those things.

But they likely won't ever see the layers beneath even that: my sensory issues aren't nearly as severe as most others' on this site so they're well-hidden but can still be a challenge. As long as I don't talk about the hours dedicated to my current obsession I simply look 'well-informed.' They'll never know about the days I spend curled up under a blanket because I just can't do anything else. I'm pretty good at managing my meltdowns now, so they don't see me come home and sit in a corner crying and rocking back and forth because it's been a rough day. They'll certainly never see the rare severe ones where I go nonverbal or violent. They don't hear the endless cyclical conversations I have in my head, or see the elaborate fantasy worlds I retreat to, or the sleepless nights, or...

They'll never see how it took me nearly an hour to compose this post because I keep going back to re-read it. To change a word here or there. Remove something. Oh yeah, and I should add that. Is that clear enough? Stop, it's good enough, really. It's just a forum post. Okay, one more read-through.

Well, you get the idea. I could go on. (Seriously, I could.)

So yes, it's frustrating when people think that learning social skills is like some magic cure (I literally cringe at that word, because every time I read about someone 'curing' their autism all they usually mean is that one thing - but that's all other people see and that's all that matters right?), or that people with Asperger's are just 'quirky.' If you peel the top layer off an onion, what are you left with? A slightly smaller onion.

I think at some point it's important to not be dishonest. Sure, it gives negative feelings to talk about a disability, but the truth is there. If there is no real disability (the kind that is diagnosed by doctors and the government), the person is NT. Nothing to discuss. Period.
Not saying that I don't feel sympathy for the socially awkward NT kid, because they're almost always automatically bullied and have a pretty sad lonely life. But these kids aren't disabled. Their problems are different and need to be treated individually, not to be unfairly lumped with other people with completely different issues and needs.
I've got enough to read on Internet that being ND is just a particularity like any others, like having blue eyes or freckles, seriously I've read the comparison so many times and it infuriates me (I even got banned from a forum years ago for saying honestly what I thought about that kind of insensitive crap, and the worst is that its author was a psychology student who was an arrogant know-it-all). It's just so much not that.

Exactly! And social issues can be learned and developed and you find work arounds and such to help you sometimes. Not everyone can, but some do. I did.

I was in an argument with a guy on another AS forum who kept insisting that it's not a medical condition and it's a lifestyle and an identity etc, like it's simply nerd culture or having bad social skills. I asked him why if it's not a medical condition does it have symptoms like sensory and dexterity and processing issues etc and he got pissed off and banned me. While the social aspects of it are probably what causes most limitations on people's quality of life in regards to having friends and relationships, that isn't the thing that can be the biggest problem for someone with AS in terms of survival. If you have certain sensory issues to a high degree you can't work and have to live on disability. If you have executive functioning issues then many times you can't live alone and take care of yourself. If you have dexterity and fine motor issues you can be at risk for accidents and injury. If you were to have all that and in spite of it someway or other have great social skills and a boatload of friends you are still going to have pretty serious problems in your day to day life. Social issues are important, but they are not the be all and end all of AS. I've noticed that it's mainly the self diagnosed AS crusaders who focus only on the social issues and ignore everything else, because those other issues could make it a medical condition with symptoms that detract from the quality of life that they have planned out in their Utopian dream world where AS is just another beautiful lifestyle and identity.

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