An uncharacteristic gripe post about WP

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Amity: No, I cannot be motivated to share if over time, or even in the same thread with multiple people offering ideas, the askhole rejects even very helpful suggestions. I don't know about you, but my time is limited. I can, however, be motivated to share when I have a unique (compared with others already offered) perspective.

The way I see interaction is that people are not generally looking for advices, but acceptance - an opportunity to be seen with their needs, insecurities and worries and still be accepted.

If I then with full force try to change that person or situation, that need to belong and to be accepted is not met. On the contrary I'd be implying that life for the person is not here now. He or she is not accepted as s/he is. Life would be (t)here only if this and that is first changed. But that is not true. Life is here and only now and will be ad inf.

People do ask for concrete advices too, but I'd say that most interaction, this place included, is about the need to belong, to be accepted and foremost to give and receive attention.

If your advices are more precious than that, I'd suggest you to not to waste them then.

BeaArthur -Totally understandable, I can't do that either, I'm happy to say my piece then move on if it's obvious the person is not on the right place for advice.

Sometimes, people just outgrow their need for whatever it is that drew them to a certain community in the first place.

It's like suddenly realizing that you no longer miss playing "Dungeons & Dragons" with your friends, and you decide to get rid of all of your gaming materials to unclutter both your home and life. Been there, and done that too!

Attention? If that was important to me, I'd turn myself into a troll or an "Askhole"* and wallow in all the hatred and contempt that such roles bring.

(*Nice one Raleigh! Thanks for posting!)

The thing is, with things like depression, some people can't help but vent their feelings, irrationally hoping that somebody will come up with a miracle. Some people with depression feel alone and misunderstood, and they just want to pour it all out to people, whether it's friends, family, or internet forums. They don't mean to ignore advice given. It's just part of some cases of depression.

Thank you for posting that, Joe. Of course, you are right. I definitely was not referring to you when I posted the OP, in case you're wondering. I have taken an interest in you and hope that some of my words have given you comfort from time to time.

There is one particular person in the Haven who is constantly asking for help that forum people aren't likely to give, as that is not the point of a forum - money, phone calls, being their friend, etc. I no longer read that person's posts, but sometimes I even chafe at seeing them in the index. I feel slightly guilty that I am not more compassionate, but I recognize a lost cause when I see one.

Sadly I have known a couple people in my life who were like this. That confirmed my dad was right that some people just love to complain.

And what does it help to discuss and analyze another poster here behind his or her back?

What are you aiming at?

^ Just sharing my feelings.

I can be very negative sometimes altho I rarely ask for anything but if any of my posts bothered anyone I apologize, just writing stuff out and expressing something I think helps with certain things and it's just venting. Joe really nailed my thoughts with her post. Unfortunately there some folks here that find themselves in real dire straits and there really is no amount of advice over the internet that can help them. This is a very diverse forum in terms of age, location, gender, functioning, whatever. Some are worse off than others so it may be hard to relate to these people, I don't know what to say other than that.

Well if I might offer a "common sense of a flea" (in your words) suggestion, it would be to let other people do the same.

Nothing drives me up the wall, more than the Askhole. I've seen my share of those types here. They start threads and than they ramble on instead of listening.

Alrighty....

The Haven is intended to be a place where people can feel safe to whine/vent/whatever without being ridiculed or judged.

Complaining about Haven posters in a forum outside of The Haven isn't in keeping with the intent of having that particular forum available for people to post in.

Locked.