Proposal was ruined

Post Reply New Topic

I'm very sorry for it, but you should not worry excessively. In the end these things aren't really important. How long have you been together, if I can ask?
I sort of envy you peole who can travel so easily, some girl I know online wants to meet me but I am terrified to travel alone. I think I will try though, it is not healty to give in to such fears.

I've heard that Italy's economy is about to collapse....so it may get cheap soon.

Im really sorry to hear how it has effected you! Its hard sometimes when we create an image in our minds of what we want a certain situation to turn out... But nothing is really certain , only the now.. Thats whats most important! Two people in love in the here and now ... It will make a great little story a few years down the track when you both reflect back or maybe to talk about when/if you have children Also a good story to explain sometimes dreams dont always unfold as planned but can take a new journey to new dreams and adventure!

Speaking as someone who was proposed to in such a painfully boring, even nagging way, with no sense of specialness but more like discussing redecorating the loo...I hear you and know where you're coming from. Even while these things "don't matter" because it's the marriage that is the important part, not the wedding, not the proposal. But it's still nice to have something even just a little bit memorable -- so I do know and recognize why you feel down about this.

I would also say don't worry, perhaps he's going to do it nicely anyway back here at home. But I just wanted to say it's not just nothing to feel like a nicer setting was blown. Ideally a person only gets to do ANY of this stuff just the one time, there's nothing wrong with hoping for it to be something nice to look back on.

I'm sure it will be when he does propose. I just wanted to say I get you.

I would agree with those saying not to let this define the experience for you.

Mine didn't go all that well, either.

We were supposed to go for a night out to celebrate a friend's birthday. The house felt too hot and stuffy whilst getting ready, so I was already upset and flustered. I tried to hurry but the heat was making me feel ill. I was stressing about what I needed to take with me, and I definitely snapped at my now husband once or twice. I was worried we were going to be late, which didn't help, as I like to be slightly early for everything. Meanwhile, whilst I'm snapping and flapping, unbeknownst to me he is feeling extremely nervous as he's about to propose.

Off we went, in the car. Then, he gets a text from our friend telling us that she needs us to go and help with something before the party. Cue a mini-meltdown from me, because plans have changed with absolutely no notice. Again, not that I knew it, this was all part of a plan they'd made in advance to get me to a specific location. So, I definitely got snappy again in the car and was feeling a bit moody as we pulled up to the place he proposed. I was blaming nobody in particular, just stressed about the situation.

We had a little chat, then he proposed in a location that meant a lot to us personally. It was no Venice, but it had meaning. It took me too long to work out that he was actually proposing, too. My head wasn't in the right place, really, and I was listening to him saying wonderful things but even when he pulled the ring out, I didn't really get what was happening.

And you know what? The proposal couldn't have been more perfect - it was so 'us', and that's what mattered. When I look back on it now, my thoughts are that he proposed in the ideal location, with a beautiful ring, and he was nervous and I was excited and cried a bit, and it was wonderful. And he did that even though I'd been snappy and moody two minutes earlier! That's what I remember, and I know that what he remembers is the proposal and how happy he made me as well.

All that matters, however he proposes in the end, is that it's a moment just for the two of you. You don't need the perfectly orchestrated proposal in Venice for that.

I wish mine had even been an actual "moment"! It was more like an entire sequence of separate chats along the lines of "so whaddaya think?" "Well I dunno." While doing laundry or schlepping around the produce aisle.

I kind of always wished there had a least been one single moment in one place I could pinpoint as "that's where he asked me." Mine really did feel like constant discussions of "So what color do you want to paint the bathroom?" "Jeez I said I don't know, I can't think..."

If I ever get asked again -- and I'm actually kind of glad that I have higher chances of winning the lottery than that! No seriously! -- I'd just like to remember that it was in my favorite spot in the forest park I like, just in nice weather, with the swans I feed interfering and little ducks quacking. I'd like to get married there too except for the fact that 1) they don't allow it there, and 2) I don't think I want to get married again at all. So I think I would just have the ceremony with myself, lol, just for the fun of it. Not gonna happen but it's cute to think about.

Hurtloam meant no harm. She doesn't think you're shallow.

You got sick; it's not like you deliberately got sick. I understand you feel bad because of all the effort your boyfriend went through.

When you're married 20 years, and you are both watching the Telly, you both can laugh about it.

Alliekit, what I'm hearing is that you feel bad because you caused a moment he had been planning to not work out. Did he plan the trip to Venice specifically to propose to you there? If so, bummer for sure.
I think you should encourage him to not put too much importance in the moment of proposal, or any moment really. It is pretty much impossible to have something come out as one plans it and I think the stress of trying to do so often causes problems to pop up.
I once attended a wedding into which a lot of planning had gone. It was in a remodeled, but authentic barn ... it was a nice country setting. At the very moment the bride began to say the vows she had written, a car horn went off outside, quite near the barn. She tried to continue with her vows and everyone checked their car alarm devices to make sure it wasn't them. Eventually she said with tears that she couldn't continue. It was then that the bridesmaid checked her car keys and pressed the car alarm button. The beeping stopped. Never have I seen such a pissed off bride.

Anyway, I guess my point is that the more pressure you put on the creation of the moment the more angry and disappointed you will be when it doesn't come to pass. I feel for your boyfriend. In your place I would focus on the positive when discussing the trip with him. Sick or not, it's pretty neat to see Venice. It may not be there in a few years.

Speaking of bathroom devices:

I was near Venice, in the next town immediately north of Venice.

They had old-fashioned squat toilets at the railway station of that town, not bidets.

I had to figure out how to use them!

I've used bidets before.